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Sorry for that batchitcrazy stuff. It is a total mind job. I cannot imagine what you are feeling, but please know that we are on team Gordie. She is totally delusional and for whatever reason, she feels that you should be OK with her doing this.

I guess there are runners and there are those that think we will all live happily ever after as best friends with them and their new squeeze. It would be humorous if it wasn't so darn sad.

We're here for you brother. Please know that this is not of your doing. Stay strong and focus on you and your children. She will have to figure herself out. We cannot fix them because we did not break them.

God bless...


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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Godie

Wow ... so reading that last post she has shifted you into the Authoritative role, like bringing a new boyfriend home to meet her father.

"Friends" ... I told mine I had no interest in being freinds nor accepting the demotion. I told her that I honestly could not think of one friend I had who would lie cheat and steal from me, not one would disrespect me nor my family ... I just do not keep friends who lack character in that way.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Roist and AndrewP,

Yes, you are right. I can be friendly but I can’t be friends with this woman. If I thought it would change things then maybe I could, but it clearly won’t. She is on her own now. It hurts me to write that, but It is reality.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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SBJ,

Yes, delusional is a nice way of putting it. I feel...angry. I’m at that point where I am looking forward to this phase of my life being over. It ****ing s**** but have to accept this as my reality.

Cali,

Yes, I thought about this after our talk. Why does she want to to introduce him to me??? She does want me to be ok with this whole situation. I am *not* ok with this. I guess it’s just all part of her La La Land.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Weird, in only the way MLC can be. It's affirmation that something is so very, very wrong with her.

I just want to remind you that this guy is clearly a lost, broken person. He has to be to be involved with a married mom of 5 who is suddenly doing the Girls Gone Wild routine. She cannot possibly attract a decent man given her current circumstances.

She seems to want everyone to be besties and clearly she is all over the map. I know sometimes she initiates romance and I just want to remind you to protect yourself. I am sure this guy has been around a lot of blocks. Protect your finances as who knows what he is after.

This is a really unattractive phase. It is where I really saw my h morph into his polar opposite. It was surreal; an out of body experience really.

Just keep being the rock for your kids. Focus on you and your kids; let her go.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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It literally broke my heart to read the things she said to you. I still think the "nicer" packaging of this spew must be so difficult. At least when mine is raging and fuming I see it for what it is.

HaWho as usual is correct. This man is garbage and this "relationship" is not going to last. I think you need to consistently remain firm about him not meeting the kids. Certainly not until after the divorce and at least 6 months into the relationship.

Hopefully she is ashamed of these "relationships" and the children do not know about them and she will want to keep that information from them, which in turn will keep her from trying to put them in front of him. Also a guy of this type is not going to want to meet five young kids under these circumstances. My S confirms that his father has never once mentioned OW2 and he knows that S knows about her. The kids never did meet OW1 either.

Be strong Gordie. It sounds like the ride is going to get bumpier for a while. Take your love and compassion and save it for yourself and your children. Let go emotionally and leave her to her illness. That is really the kindest thing you can do for her now. You won't be able to reason her out of this, nice her out of it, or threaten her out of it.

Let her see your strength and maintain your boundaries with absolute rigidity. Let her know each time she crosses them. She will have zero respect for you if you waiver. It would be better for her to be wary of you than see you as a doormat.

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Hi Gordie,

I caught up on your thread tonight and I’m sorry you’re going by through this. This is so bizarre, your W is really out there right now. I don’t have a lot that hasn’t been said but I’m following along and thinking of you and your kids.

I think Bttrfly had good advice w/journaling her all night outings, etc. Don’t underestimate her, there’s no way to tell what wacky plans our MLCers have. I never thought mine would try to take my kids away from me and run but she did and your w is certainly not right. Her actions remind me of the early days of my xw’s MLC and from her latest actions I wonder if that is back whwere your w is at. I wonder if she hit the restart button with new om when her plan didn’t work.

Hawho is right (she said it a lot nicer than I was going to before I got to her post) she can’t attract a good person right now. What kind of person would first off have an affair, and secondly willingly meet the affair partners husband? Just wow...It’s almost unbelievable but I wouldn’t doubt it considering the people MLCers attract. However, I do have to wonder if she is pulling your strings, just something to consider.

Like others said, drop the rope. You can always pick it up later if it comes to that point.

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Where are ye on finalising the D or accommodation situation.? I know your L is to get back to hers shortly. In your state, does her having an affair change her entitlements in a settlement? Talk to your L.

You are doing good. I know you don't feel that. But it's true.

Instead of giving into your anger, direct that energy into working towards a good fun and full life without W. Her latest antics will help you turn the page, but put the emphasis on writing the next chapter.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
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Originally Posted By: HaWho
Weird, in only the way MLC can be. It's affirmation that something is so very, very wrong with her.

I just want to remind you that this guy is clearly a lost, broken person. He has to be to be involved with a married mom of 5 who is suddenly doing the Girls Gone Wild routine. She cannot possibly attract a decent man given her current circumstances.

She seems to want everyone to be besties and clearly she is all over the map. I know sometimes she initiates romance and I just want to remind you to protect yourself. I am sure this guy has been around a lot of blocks. Protect your finances as who knows what he is after.

This is a really unattractive phase. It is where I really saw my h morph into his polar opposite. It was surreal; an out of body experience really.

Just keep being the rock for your kids. Focus on you and your kids; let her go.


Ha who,

Thank you as always for your perspective.

I never thought about what kind of man OM2 is , but you are surely right.

Yes, something is very wrong and she doesn’t understand why I’m not enthusiastic.

We ceased sexual relations a while ago and that door is certainly closed now.

Yes, I’ve got to be there for the kids. W and I are over now. I’m just here for them.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Originally Posted By: OwnIt
It literally broke my heart to read the things she said to you. I still think the "nicer" packaging of this spew must be so difficult. At least when mine is raging and fuming I see it for what it is.

HaWho as usual is correct. This man is garbage and this "relationship" is not going to last. I think you need to consistently remain firm about him not meeting the kids. Certainly not until after the divorce and at least 6 months into the relationship.

Hopefully she is ashamed of these "relationships" and the children do not know about them and she will want to keep that information from them, which in turn will keep her from trying to put them in front of him. Also a guy of this type is not going to want to meet five young kids under these circumstances. My S confirms that his father has never once mentioned OW2 and he knows that S knows about her. The kids never did meet OW1 either.

Be strong Gordie. It sounds like the ride is going to get bumpier for a while. Take your love and compassion and save it for yourself and your children. Let go emotionally and leave her to her illness. That is really the kindest thing you can do for her now. You won't be able to reason her out of this, nice her out of it, or threaten her out of it.

Let her see your strength and maintain your boundaries with absolute rigidity. Let her know each time she crosses them. She will have zero respect for you if you waiver. It would be better for her to be wary of you than see you as a doormat.



Ownit,

Think others like you can see more clearly how screwed up this all is.

One of the reasons I don’t want to meet OM2 is that yes, I think she would then feel more emoboldened to bring him around the house and kids, ugh.

Ashamed? No, there is no apparent sense of shame. She righteously declares to me and others how proud of who she is now and women would happier if they followed her example.

And yes, the most loving thing I can do for her and me right now is to let go and distance. I need time to grieve and heal.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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