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Just on the understandable anger topic, I once read that anger is purely energy needing release. So, if we find a way of release - running, punchbag, swimming hard - whatever, but something that channels that energy out. I don't think it has to be released 'as anger' as such - just as energy.

I'm not great at getting angry either, but I do try and work on healthy release rather than holding it in nowadays.

Hope this helps a little anyway Gordie - you're doing really well in touch circumstances..

(((Hugs)))


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Gordie -

Hello my brother. Catching up on your sitch. Good god. Your W is not doing the same things as my STBXW, but the reactions from you are the same as mine.

Of course she wants you to meet OM. She wants to make this insanity feel normal for you, because it's normal for her. Either that, or she's trying to wind you up, to justify the D. Oh here I go again, trying to mind read the egg salad that is a MLCer's brain.

She thinks it's serious because right now her life is being fulfilled with shallow, superficial needs - including the OM. Even if she gave him the whole "we've been S for months, we're just under the same roof" story, he's still getting involved with a M woman with 5 kids. What kind of baggage does this guy have to overlook those glaring facts?

The more I learned about OM, the less I cared. I still get FURIOUS at times, but it's because I realize I've been tossed aside for something far less.

Good advice elsewhere... keep it business. Nothing else.

Carry on and focus on the kids. I still have trouble taking my eyes of her sometimes - but if I focus on my kids, it's really rewarding. It's something I've learned about GALing, I've learned I was wasting energies devoting myself to activities just to kill time.

My STBXW signed off on our custody agreement. My L included a rule that neither parent can introduce a significant other to the kids for a full year. Food for thought.

Remember, this is something we didn't ask for, and it's changing us in ways we may not want, but only temporarily. If we learn how to weather this storm, we will survive it, learn a few things about ourselves, and build a new life as a wiser person. The MLCer will carry the baggage of their La La Land years long after they've left the tunnel (if they do).

Originally Posted By: CaliGuy
they gave you the best years of their lives and as a matter of fact they deserve this/that/the other ... all of it and then some. They wasted years and now its time to cash in .... you only live once. So they go on Amazon Prime and order the MLC package with all the extras ... new life, new person, new perspective and its all filed under selfish but with the 5 gallon bucket of entitlement they just do not see the problem...

D@mn d@mn d@mn. This is SO true, and the MLC package from Amazon is hysterical.

Last edited by job; 10/20/17 08:51 AM. Reason: edited a word

M: 49, W: 45
T: 22 M: 15
S14, S11, S9
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Gordie

Ugh .... the STD, almsot as bad a trigger for me as the MLC tri of letters.

Somewhere in my 20 something threads I shared my STD story, I will try to be brief and give you the small version.

BD was Sep13, she moved out Nov13. I get a call March 17th 2014, (yes St Pats day ... seems she would later cover all holidays with a MLC gift packaged for me.) ... she was crying and I was certain she came to her senses. I knew there was an OM, but since she could not have sex due to medical conditions I was not all that worried as my logic said no dude would put up with her crap without cashing in on sex and that was not in the cards. So through the tears and sobs she tells me she thinks she contracted an STD, I remember saying well thats impossible you would have to have .... OMFG ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!! ... turns out she was miraculously healed and had sex with OM .. I was furious on multiple levels.
I went to the appt with her as it was confirmed right there with me in the room, Herpes ... I had myself checked soon after but was not all that concerned as I had not had sex with her for 3 years ... signs of the MLC were there all along but I had no idea till I found this place.

Anyways ... yeah you have to get checked, not many stories of people here sharing that their MLCr actually did contract an STD which is why I am telling you mine actually did. I am thankful I dodged the bullet as that's just another issue you would have to deal with regardless if you end up reconciling or not.


M: 48
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M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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So she lied to you not to have sex with you all that time! I can see how that episode would have affected you so much. Thanks for sharing.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
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Next R chat Aug'17
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Jounrnaling:

So w left yesterday for a weekend away. She didn’t tell me where she was going or with whom. Surprisingly, she called me right before she left to tell me things about the kids’ weekend activities that I already knew. I just listened and said ok to acknowledge. When I got home her car was still here so she did go away with someone in his or her car. And then around midnight she texted me her location which is several hours away and to say goodnight. I did not text back.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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:'(


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Sorry my brother. You are definitely on my mind and in my prayers.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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I think it's great that you did not text back. I hope you won't AT ALL the whole weekend, unless it's a kid emergency. Do your best to let her see that where she is or who she is with is not your concern any longer.

Do that for YOU. I think you'll feel better once the weekend is past, about not responding to her at all. Nothing says I'm moving on like radio silence. (I know it's usually THEM that do that to us, but hey, this train runs both ways.)

(((((( Gordie ))))))


M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton

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Gordie - If this follows the usual script, expect her to be extra nice to you when she gets back and try to do something nice.

It's up to you how/if to deal with that.

This s@cks big time. I remember when my own W did this. It was amazingly painful.

I hesitate to suggest this, but outside of here you may want to start keeping a journal of days and events where she dumped her familial responsibilities. I can be helpful when negotiating custody.

Stay strong. Your kids need you to be the sane and stable parent.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Yuck - she's deep in the throes of this new infatuation from what you post. Though she does seem to have the odd pang of - oh I do have a husband and family - best confirm where I am and make sure the kids are sorted...

Without reading back Gordie, what's the status of your living arrangements just now? Are you and she still sharing the MBR at this point? If so, I would find it staggering that she would go away on a weekend like this and come back to share a bed with her husband. Yes D may be in process, but still.

This must be pretty full on for you, and you may want to consider taking steps to create a little more distance and protect yourself emotionally - nothing vengeful, but just to buy yourself a little space from her antics.

Big hugs to you this weekend (((Gordie)))


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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