stop snooping about her blog. Turn off the notifications you get about what SHE is doing. Put a STOP sign in your brain or whatever you do in your job to keep your focus off of her.
Thank God she's journalling, My guess is she suspects or knows you read her blogs, and she may have to be oblique.
What happened to your detachment?
Geez! Come on, that's not even remotely close to happened. I guess you have no background to know the difference. She started that blog about 6 years ago and she asked me to follow her and read her short stories she used to write. She hasn't blogged in over two years and I completely forgot about it. Just because I mention I got a notification that she started blogging again about books doesn't mean I even cared to look. I had an email pop up with her name on it, so I opened it. It was a simple notification that she posted a blog and it has a short blurb on it, which is mainly the title. I don't even care at all about the blog. I just had a feeling that something changed because her stress level about the classes is very different than before. Then I get this notification, so my brain once again put two and two together. Funny how it does that. I didn't put anymore thought into than that.
Who cares if she thinks I read her blogs. I'm constantly finding left behind notes in the house she wrote when I am cleaning out her things and I can careless. It doesn't affect me one way or the other and I don't care if she suspects me looking at it either. This idea that I'm snooping is way out of proportion. I have detached from her a lot more than she even knows. Why do you think she hoped that I would text her first sometime? I am sure she feels the detachment too. I'm not worrying about her actions or what she is up too. I'm just doing my thing and it's nice that way. Still trying to do things the right way between, but I was really fine just letting her do all the reaching out to me and only engaging when she wanted too. Now she is asking me to engage more, so I am trying to do that too. I don't ask her about what she does ever, not about class or her weekend, unless she offers.
At this point I just treat her like a friend and don't act like we are married either. I respond well to her text messages and that it. So, NO I am not snooping on her and I am not worried about anything she does because she has chose to live a life separate of me so that is what we are doing. Her relationship with me is what she puts into it because I'm not longer asking for anything more. Detaching I have done and this time without ignoring her.
I'm still moving in the direction I was before. To recap, I am now detaching from my wife, but not ignoring her. I'm still letting her do most of the reaching out, but as her request I am now reaching out to her every so often too. I let a 2 or 3 days go by before I sent her a simple text message asking how her sleep has been and I hope her she is doing well in her classes.
Last Saturday on my trip back home from being in Louisiana I got a few text messages from her about 2:30 am my time, so 4:30 her time. They were links to something on her Google Drive. I at first couldn't open them so I asked what they were. She immediately responded with being worried that she woke me. I told her I was already up and on my way to the airport, which was over an hour away. She said she couldn't sleep and was up just looking at pictures.
I tried the links again and I was able to open them a second time and the first was a picture of us together and the other two were of my niece and nephew when we took them to a park to play. I don't really know what she expects to say about the pictures or what her reasons are for sending them to me. I just commented on how short her hair was back then and that was it. She then went on to say she was looking for our wedding video, but wasn't able to find it. I just responded with telling her that I don't have enough room on my google drive to have the wedding video on my drive. We ended up talking all the way up until I had to turn my phone off for the flight, which was about 4 hours.
I guess my reason for my post here is to ask how I should respond to things like this coming from my wife. As it is right now I am in the mind that I am not married. This doesn't mean I am on the market and looking for woman at all. I am just on my own, we are not a team anymore and I am fending only for myself. I make decisions on things based solely on myself and my schedule.
PS. I am trying to get better with my communication on here and approach things differently. Hopefully it helps me get along with everyone a little better.
Why is it that all of your communication with her seems to be in the middle of the night? I swear every post is that one of you is talking about waking the other one up.
Do you ever have any communication in the regular hours?
Why is it that all of your communication with her seems to be in the middle of the night? I swear every post is that one of you is talking about waking the other one up.
Do you ever have any communication in the regular hours?
Haha! Tell me about it, but honestly it's her. She doesn't sleep all that well all the time, so when she is up in the wee hours of the morning is when she thinks about me I guess. I never text her late unless she has already text me and I am answering. Well being on opposite coasts doesn't help it either. She has school she is doing right now too, so during the day she is at class and then at night she doing studies.
So tonight I sent my wife the link to our wedding video's from my google drive since she was trying to find them a week ago. She replied with a thank you and a smiley face. Curious what people's thoughts are on sending her stuff from our past since she seems to be always looking at old photos and things. I know it's a big no no in general, but she continues to bring it up to me that she is doing that. I am wondering if she is looking for some kind of reaction out of me. I treat her like I would a friend, but I wonder if I should start treating her more like my wife because of her seemingly renewed interest in us and our past. Just a thought, but even if I do it won't make a difference in our situation as the way I see it. Everything will remain the same, still doing the boot camp and then a 2 year at who knows where....
Again you are doing a lot of mind reading. And obviously you are doing A LOT of wishful thinking, trying to rekindle the old flime by throwing good memories at her. What concerns me is that you are attaching all kinds of expectations on this. No, she will not just snap out of it...
Again you are doing a lot of mind reading. And obviously you are doing A LOT of wishful thinking, trying to rekindle the old flime by throwing good memories at her. What concerns me is that you are attaching all kinds of expectations on this. No, she will not just snap out of it...
I am just trying to go about it the right way. She is the one who continues to bring it up and I never really react to it, but she does it over and over again. I don't expect anything out of her anymore......well I actually expect less and less of her. I am surprised all the time when she is the one doing all of the bringing up of our past, but like I said I don't give much, if any reaction to it. So I am wondering if that is the wrong thing to do in my situation considering the things she complained about. If she is the one bringing it up and I just ignore it....
No dude, ignoring is not the way I would put it. The right thing is to not attach any meaning or significance to it. Lord knows why she is doing the things she is doing. Perhaps she is just confused (most likely), perhaps she is trying to keep you hanging around for her plan B. Who knows...
IMO it is hard as hell to be detached, so that the things she does do not bother you. I'm 3 years post BD and I still sometimes struggle with it.
No dude, ignoring is not the way I would put it. The right thing is to not attach any meaning or significance to it. Lord knows why she is doing the things she is doing. Perhaps she is just confused (most likely), perhaps she is trying to keep you hanging around for her plan B. Who knows...
IMO it is hard as hell to be detached, so that the things she does do not bother you. I'm 3 years post BD and I still sometimes struggle with it.
I would think it is quite obvious that I am detaching from her and that is why she is reaching out more. I know that's what she has done when I shut her out completely a few times.
Like I said I am trying to do the right thing. Anyway I haven't heard from her for some days now until tonight when she said I hope you are having a wonderful day. I just responded thanks and how was your day, but nothing after that.
The way I look at it is she definitely gets my reply and chooses to ignore it because the bottom line is no one is too busy to reply with in a certain amount of time. So she is choosing to ignore, oh well. It's no big deal it's what ever she wants or needs to do doesn't change what I am doing. I have been detaching from her more and more and for me quite honestly it's the easiest thing to do. I don't have to worry about her at all and just do what I do.
When having to deal with her it's ten times the work, so I am trying to come to the easiest way of doing things between still detaching, but not doing the dreaded ignoring thing to her. I still don't want to be the reason my marriage ultimately fails. I don't believe in what she has done and I never will because it's going against my principles and I don't agree with giving up on a marriage.
Some people saying that saving your marriage based solely on principle is a good thing. I see it as a marriage doomed to fail again. it comes across as you just wanting to be right and "winning" "winning" to you is "not being the reason the marriage fails"
Guess what. It takes two people to break down a marriage and two people to put it back together. So guess what? If your marriage doesn't make it, she is not soley to blame. She will not be the "reason".
So get that out of your head. Save this marriage because she is the love of your life and you don't want to be without her.
