Wife moved to parents on opposite coast #7

[Cali08]

So just to recap a little, 25year you were right, my wife did text me and say Happy Anniversary. I finally did reply with a Happy Anniversary too and I had sent her an E-Card which she never responded too. It is honestly an odd thing for her to say to me after what she has done, in my opinion. She continues to abandon the marriage and who knows what she thinks or her plans are for the future, so why would a WAW say Happy Anniversary to the one she left behind is beyond me. I would love someone to explain that to me.

She has had the flu lately and had a real high fever, so Friday I actually text her to see if her fever broke. As I have said I am not initiating any contact with her anymore and I just respond when she texts me, which is great for me. I really prefer this way of doing things. I'm not having to put effort forth in trying to talk to my wife, which was like talking to a wall at times anyway. Now I am detached from that completely and when she text me I respond nicely and talk with her a bit and we joke a little, but that's it. I pretty much leave her completely alone.

I last heard from her Friday morning when I text her to see if her fever broke. I didn't expect to hear from her the rest of Friday or this whole weekend honestly. It's the weekend and she has a whole other life in Virginia that I'm not a part of anymore and that's fine. She can do what she wants with out having to deal with me and I can also just go about my business without her. I figure this is exactly what she wants and asked for and here I am giving it to her and just leaving her alone to do as she pleases.

Anyway last night she sends me a text about 12:30 am her time and she says "I hope you had a wonderful Saturday!! I was hoping you'd say hi and not wait for me to text. You did say that you weren't really going to text too much...." Then she sent another text right after talking about her wedding ring and she had to send it off to get fixed because some of the diamonds were loose. I responded with if you like I can text you more often, which she ignored and just started talking about other things.

OK, so what gives? I am literally flabbergasted with this kind of non-making sense behavior. What does she want from me? She sure in the hell won't tell me or have anything near a commitment one way or the other. Does she expect me to keep hanging around for her? This is want I can't comprehend because she isn't an idiot. It's a matter of fact that she realizes the consequences of her actions and will even make statements to the fact that she expected the consequences of her actions, so it blows me away at what she is trying to accomplish with anything she does. The bottom line is I give her what she clearly asks for, which is kind of odd in the first place since it was me not being around enough which caused the so called problem in the first place.

So here is the question do I now try to switch gears and text her more often, which she stated she wished I would do or do I just continue on with how I'm doing things now, after all she asked for it. It seems no matter what I do it's just not the right thing to do with her. She can't make up her mind and it's actually typical of her. I often had to make up her mind for her and it's literally something she would ask me to do. And no this is not something I did in the marriage to control my wife at all. I was never controlling over my wife, it's just not something I would do. I just want to make that clear before anyone tries to claim that. It was something that used to drive me nuts when she would constantly ask me to pick for her. Geez! hahaha! I'm telling you I will never understand this stuff and I am not sure I want too. It's such a confusing world to be in! haha!

So has anyone with a WAW had to run into this kind of thing? What is my next move? I liked being able to just sit back and only have to be concerned with what I was doing in my life. I know that this was a issue with her in the first place and it's something that I have realized I did wrong. I didn't change my life style enough for her in our marriage. In other words I still did everything I always have done and didn't compromise enough for her. To be fair I didn't ask her to compromise anything and everything she did was all her doing. I know you will all say that she compromised where she lived and being away from her family and all, but I never asked her to do that. When I first met her she was already planning to move to California in the first place.

Again, so do I try to do what she said she would hoped I would do or continue on the same path I'm on. I don't really consider us in a marriage and that is because of what she is doing. She is living an entirely different life without me. I have no business knowing what she is doing or with who she is doing it with as you guys have told me over and over again. She doesn't care about anything I now have to deal with because of her actions. I am completely on my own and not a team like she used to claim us to be. She abandoned the marriage, but now she says she would hope that I would text her and just not wait for her to do it, but when I ask her point blank "would you like me to text more often" I get no answer. This is not how two adults in a marriage should act. So what do I do according to every ones own experiences and ideas?

[25yearsmlc]

Cali

I see a lot of mind reading about your w's unsaid goals, e.g. "that is exactly what she wants..."

with frequent references to her as being "a wife who abandoned the marriage".


She wants you to reach out more with texts. She said so. "I was hoping you would not wait for me to reach out and text". Then she added a text about her wedding ring and getting it fixed.

(um, Cali that is a metaphor. I guess you are one of those guys who subtlety is lost on. And no, it does not have to be conscious on her part, but it is a very clear one to me.)

Then you asked her if she wants what she just said she wanted...

and now you are upset ( "frustrated/flabbergasted")

that she "just ignored it and talked about other things." (Like her wedding ring...)

She told you what she wanted, no mystery. She may not know where it will go b/c she does not know. Neither do you.

Plus I don't think she can count on the rock solid stability you claim to project to her. Her experience of you is Not that you will be around for her, and not that she is your priority. That's just true.

Please don't start in about why "she is wrong" or how you "don't know where I got that information"

or why I'd say that, b/c that makes me screw my head in the ceiling. I am trying to help you. And it's apparent in most, (not all but most), of your posts that you believe she's just wrong. She's the villain who "abandoned the marriage", no matter how she got there.

In your narrative, your oblique references to how you "own" your shortcomings and that they would all be addressed but conditioned on her decision to return, does not seem convincing enough to her. Not yet anyhow.

Here is the thing,

SO

What do you want?


PS I get a ton of emails and evites I never open. Usually I don't see them

or I delete them b/c so many are sales pitches.

Cali, I cannot find the source for the quote below but will write it as best I can. It may resonate with you.


It's about a h who paints his wife into a painting of his, to show her as best he can, that he loves her. That she is in all he does.

The wife says "TELL me how you feel,

tell me you want me in your world,

tell me you love me and what I mean to you...Don't Just Assume I know".


By your own description you are not a man who shows or even feels most emotions.

You say you are at peace with this, though I wish you weren't. Not for me to decide.

Anyhow, feeling, (no pun intended) no change in, or a small "stable" range of emotions is not appealing to most women

at least not coming from their husbands.

Start telling her how you feel and if you don't feel much, then I don't know what to say.

[Cali08]

Cali

I see a lot of mind reading about your w's unsaid goals, e.g. "that is exactly what she wants..."

with frequent references to her as being "a wife who abandoned the marriage".

I don't get this response of my mind reading since I am referring to what my wife has straight out told me. Right out of her lips she said she wanted space and time and she is extremely busy doing nothing but studies and isn't talking to anyone right now so texting is the last thing on her mind.

The fact is that she did abandon the marriage, so stating that fact isn't OK for me to do? Or are you just referring to the fact that I repeat it over and over again. For one it's exactly what pops up in my mind over and over again, so it's a huge factor in our relationship wouldn't you think and something that sooner or later actually has to be addressed.

She wants you to reach out more with texts. She said so. "I was hoping you would not wait for me to reach out and text". Then she added a text about her wedding ring and getting it fixed.

(um, Cali that is a metaphor. I guess you are one of those guys who subtlety is lost on. And no, it does not have to be conscious on her part, but it is a very clear one to me.)

Isn't that mind reading!? Haha! I swear I can never win this aspect. So wanting to get her ring fixed is saying she somehow wants to fix the marriage and that really isn't looking to much into it and not mind reading? Please explain. The way I looked at it was that isn't a nice ring and she really likes it regardless if it's a wedding ring. If she doesn't keep up with taking it in and getting it inspected then she will have to pay for it to be fixed because that is part of the warranty I bought on it. I figure she has to do that. Besides that the last time she took it in to be serviced she kind of got upset that the the jewelers contacted me to let me know it was done....so go figure.

Then you asked her if she wants what she just said she wanted...

and now you are upset ( "frustrated/flabbergasted")

that she "just ignored it and talked about other things." (Like her wedding ring...)

She told you what she wanted, no mystery. She may not know where it will go b/c she does not know. Neither do you.

I asked it after what she typed about the wedding ring and I am not upset in the way you think I am. I would be flabbergasted just the same if anyone I was texting responded or lack there of, in the same way. It's just common courtesy is all I want. If she asks me a direct question I have always answered her, just like I do for anyone who does. I guess in this situation I can forget about that is what you're telling me and to try not to make sense of anything, which seems to be me mind reading. I can do that. I can detach from that too, but then how do you suggest I respond to her if I am to not to try to make sense of what she is saying?

You're definitely right about me not knowing what she wants and it is "THE BIG MYSTERY"! In my book you will never know unless you give things a try. Here is the thing, I did what she asked and I woke up and reached out to her to say good morning and see how she is feeling and guess what? A big surprise! She hasn't responded and that was 3 hours ago. Haha! This is why I don't care to do it. It's the weekend and there is no excuse for it. If she is busy then tell me so and then we can both move on. Common courtesy is all I ask, but it's not given in my opinion. You may not think much of this, but I do and it's my opinion, which is different from yours. My wife knows that I don't like stuff like that for a fact because I have told her time and time again, but she continues on with it.

Plus I don't think she can count on the rock solid stability you claim to project to her. Her experience of you is Not that you will be around for her, and not that she is your priority. That's just true.

Please don't start in about why "she is wrong" or how you "don't know where I got that information"

or why I'd say that, b/c that makes me screw my head in the ceiling. I am trying to help you. And it's apparent in most, (not all but most), of your posts that you believe she's just wrong. She's the villain who "abandoned the marriage", no matter how she got there.

In your narrative, your oblique references to how you "own" your shortcomings and that they would all be addressed but conditioned on her decision to return, does not seem convincing enough to her. Not yet anyhow.

This is no different for me, which is never considered. I also can not count on her and I would say that she is the less reliable one. I have been here the whole time for her and trying to fight for the marriage while she kept pushing away. I guess she is completely blind to that fact. That being said she is absolutely aware of the consequences of her actions might be because she voices that directly to me. Such as, I will always have in the back of my mind that she will do this again. Haha! I mean, hellooooo who wouldn't? I told her you forgiving is different than forgetting.
And why should I forget when she constantly brings up things of my past in our marriage so it's fine for her, but not me?

So she is completely aware of what kind of consequences her actions may have and seemingly expects them, but doesn't like them when they happen and has actually said she deserves it. Then she continues on the same path that leads to the same consequences. Tell me if I am wrong, but isn't that the very definition of insanity?

Here is the thing,

SO

What do you want?


I want my wife back like I have from the beginning, but wanting to know it's not all in vain is all I ask for, which I really don't think it is to much.

I have been at the mind of letting her do all the reaching out and I would be loving and nice in my responses, but go on with my life as if she isn't coming back. That being said, I still don't want to be the one that ultimately kills it for us and kills the vows I made. If she wants that she can do all the work herself to make that happen. When she does then I will finally have a direction to go in. Or is she ever stops being a coward and want to be true to her vows then we can try moving in that direction. I am not even saying it will work if we do, but we need to move in one direction or the other and stop beating around the bush.

If she were to be around me right now I don't even know how I would feel about it. She has certainly changed the way I feel about her by abandoning everything and leaving me behind, which is certainly a consequence that she was aware off as she has stated..... I'm not mind reading this, just stating what she said. The longer she stays away the more distance grows between us, which is also a know consequence of her actions....hey I tried to go see her while I still felt a certain way about her, but she had none of it. Do you think it will surprise her that if she continues down this path that I won't feel the same about her and I won't want her back? I mean really? I just honestly don't know if being around her would be a warm feeling or just completely awkward. Oh well it is the nature of the situation I suppose.

Almost everyone I know now is telling me that they just wish she was gone out of my life, so everyone else is starting to get tired of it now too. I am very much my own man and will make up my own mind, but she sure is making it more and more difficult to come back to the marriage for us both honestly. Do you think I am wrong in what I say? That is a honest question too.

PS I get a ton of emails and evites I never open. Usually I don't see them

or I delete them b/c so many are sales pitches.

Cali, I cannot find the source for the quote below but will write it as best I can. It may resonate with you.


It's about a h who paints his wife into a painting of his, to show her as best he can, that he loves her. That she is in all he does.

The wife says "TELL me how you feel,

tell me you want me in your world,

tell me you love me and what I mean to you...Don't Just Assume I know".


By your own description you are not a man who shows or even feels most emotions.

You say you are at peace with this, though I wish you weren't. Not for me to decide.

Anyhow, feeling, (no pun intended) no change in, or a small "stable" range of emotions is not appealing to most women

at least not coming from their husbands.

Start telling her how you feel and if you don't feel much, then I don't know what to say.

I like the quote. I have tried that route, which is oddly not something DB says is a good thing.... am I right. This is why I get confused about things. I thought there was to be no discussion about the relationship at all. What gives?

I have literally told her exactly how I am feeling about it all.I told her how I still very much loved her before and I have also told her how I am starting to feel now, but it's hasn't done anything to help the situation go in one direction or the other. I am wondering if she is just to much of a coward to do anything and wants me to put the final nail in the coffin. Since she it doesn't seem to matter that I want to work our marriage out it really only leaves the one option as far as I'm concerned. I certainly don't want to be her friend beyond our marriage..... I mean what would be the point of that. She doesn't want anything to do with the life she had in Cali it seems and that may be what you call mind reading, but again its me putting two and two to together from my perspective, which is all I got. That is of course, if she ever decides to make a decision.

[25yearsmlc]

so you think your wife saying she wants space


is the same as saying she "wants to abandon the marriage"??


Why do you even bother arguing this, Cali? It's distracting for either of us to quibble about that,

your framing of the issues is not helping YOU.

[Cali08]

so you think your wife saying she wants space


is the same as saying she "wants to abandon the marriage"??


Why do you even bother arguing this, Cali? It's distracting for either of us to quibble about that,

your framing of the issues is not helping YOU.

Her actions were a abandoning the marriage by moving to Virginia and sending me divorce papers. Before she sent the divorce papers she said she wanted space. And no I am not saying they are the same thing. My wife also said she was thinking about separation, but at the same time didn't know there was a difference between separation and divorce, so you tell me what she is thinking? Kind of hard to properly frame any issues with my situation when it's in limbo.

By the way my wife still hasn't responded to my text, so did she really want me to reach out to her more or not? Again you tell me, because in my book this is not how you respond to someone who is doing what you asked.

What is the course of action you recommend I do then. I was happy doing what I was doing and then my wife states that she hopes I would text her more often and not just wait for her to text, which she also clearly states that I told her I would do that.

I am trying to go about it in the right way the best way I can. What I discuss here and say here isn't the same thing my wife see's and hears and I am not sure that is clear to you guys. I talk on here about things I am thinking before I make a decision on what I will do next, I am very analytical in that sense. I think that may be part of the problem trying to be practical in my ideas and thought process is not how it works with a WAW I suppose.

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=25yearsmlc]so you think your wife saying she wants space


is the same as saying she "wants to abandon the marriage"??


Why do you even bother arguing this, Cali? It's distracting for either of us to quibble about that,

your framing of the issues is not helping YOU.

Her actions were a abandoning the marriage by moving to Virginia and sending me divorce papers.


yes I am aware of this^^.

1) she expressed unmet needs to you before leaving, and as you know, you did not address those. You say you understand And it can't/ won't change UNTIL IF/WHEN she joins or recommits to you, which puts you both in a continuing impasse.


2) THEN other things happened.

3) And now you are here.

I think you look at my posts and go line by line to see what you can rebut or refute.
It's not something you only rarely do. It's your habit.

Your particular response is not to take it in and ponder or thank anyone; yours is to defend and refute.

You don't benefit from that. Plus it's frustrating for me.

The purpose of this board is to get feedback to take in and consider. If it doesn't apply to you or you don't want to try it, you don't have to argue to make the poster wrong.

This board is for You to learn from, not teach or refute.



Before she sent the divorce papers she said she wanted space. And no I am not saying they are the same thing.

don't apply something she said months and events ago, to now, as if nothing else has happened. You need to take in the new data & adjust.

My wife also said she was thinking about separation, but at the same time didn't know there was a difference between separation and divorce, so you tell me what she is thinking? Kind of hard to properly frame any issues with my situation when it's in limbo.


What she was thinking THEN? She says she was pondering a sep as opposed to a divorce which means that she wanted change and if none came, she'd leave the m.

That's^^ not baffling to me.

I have said what I believe the meaning of her recent words and actions is. You got divorce papers and that $uck$ - plain & Simple.

OTOH, she's reached out to you and said things that indicate she wants some type of R with you. Maybe a recommitted marriage.

In a nutshell, ^^^ this is the situation.


By the way my wife still hasn't responded to my text, so did she really want me to reach out to her more or not?

(Deep breath, 25)....um, She told you she wanted YOU to reach out to her more, rather than waiting for her to do so. Kind of a pattern in your m, according to her AND according to you way back in the day when you reflected.

Then you asked her to confirm what she just said, to clarify? Why? You don't need an instruction manual & I doubt she wants to give one. Was it to keep putting the burden on her? To reduce your risk?

Then she talked about fixing her wedding ring. Since that was not directly immediately responding to your question, you then refer to her "talking about other things".

Like it was her discussing weather.

Yes I wish she was firmer in her decision, but she's not. I think her heart is guarded but she loves you, and in her head she cannot see this working without continued unmet needs for her.

Possibly with no end in sight.

[25yearsmlc]

Again you tell me, because in my book this is not how you respond to someone who is doing what you asked.

Wait, what are you talking about?


She asked YOU to text her more - to show her your interest - how is that her not complying with what SHE said?? I'm confused. You earmark only parts of the conversation and set her up for failure.

And you don't see it.

Somehow you have turned her request around on her. And you completely overlooked her wedding ring comments.



What is the course of action you recommend I do then. I was happy doing what I was doing and then my wife states that she hopes I would text her more often and not just wait for her to text,

You could have just sent her a text saying "I can do that". No expectations, just compliance from you.

Your choice is simple for now.

1) Either ignore her request and keep waiting for her to
reverse course, and make her position crystal clear and to pursue you now, with all the complications herein,

or
2) sign the papers and be done, and blame her for abandoning the marriage b/c she filed.

- what is your goal now?

For the record, yes I wish she was firmer in her decision. But she's not.


which she also clearly states that I told her I would do that.

I'm lost here^^^.

I am trying to go about it in the right way the best way I can. What I discuss here and say here isn't the same thing my wife see's and hears

yes, I would hope

and I am not sure that is clear to you guys.

really?

I talk on here about things I am thinking before I make a decision on what I will do next, I am very analytical in that sense.

I think that may be part of the problem

yes it is. And that^^ has been said here before.

Because this is not a math problem to solve.

It has been said before,- your wife wants an investment of passion/emotion from you.

Did you read the rest of my post?

The part about the painter and his wife?

How she needs him to tell her how he feels, not just assume she knows.

[Cali08]

[quote=25yearsmlc]so you think your wife saying she wants space


is the same as saying she "wants to abandon the marriage"??


Why do you even bother arguing this, Cali? It's distracting for either of us to quibble about that,

your framing of the issues is not helping YOU.

Her actions were a abandoning the marriage by moving to Virginia and sending me divorce papers.


yes I am aware of this^^.

1) she expressed unmet needs to you before leaving, and as you know, you did not address those. You say you understand And it can't/ won't change UNTIL IF/WHEN she joins or recommits to you, which puts you both in a continuing impasse.


2) THEN other things happened.

3) And now you are here.

I think you look at my posts and go line by line to see what you can rebut or refute.
It's not something you only rarely do. It's your habit.

Your particular response is not to take it in and ponder or thank anyone; yours is to defend and refute.

You don't benefit from that. Plus it's frustrating for me.


The purpose of this board is to get feedback to take in and consider. If it doesn't apply to you or you don't want to try it, you don't have to argue to make the poster wrong.

This board is for You to learn from, not teach or refute.


What I actually do and my thought process is to read everything first. Then I go and re-read it and every time I feel there is a question from you I answer it. Or if I feel I should clarify then I respond to that too. I am not looking to refute every at all, rather I am responding as I feel I should or if it is what is asked. I am not doing anything on purpose or out of spite at all, just going about this the way I feel works for me best, which seems to be bothering everyone who engages here. I'll try to re-evaluate how I respond on here and see how that goes.... fair enough?


Before she sent the divorce papers she said she wanted space. And no I am not saying they are the same thing.

don't apply something she said months and events ago, to now, as if nothing else has happened. You need to take in the new data & adjust.

I still think it's valid since it wasn't to long ago where I have directly asked her about the papers and her stance was still the same.

My wife also said she was thinking about separation, but at the same time didn't know there was a difference between separation and divorce, so you tell me what she is thinking? Kind of hard to properly frame any issues with my situation when it's in limbo.


What she was thinking THEN? She says she was pondering a sep as opposed to a divorce which means that she wanted change and if none came, she'd leave the m.

That's^^ not baffling to me.

I have said what I believe the meaning of her recent words and actions is. You got divorce papers and that $uck$ - plain & Simple.

OTOH, she's reached out to you and said things that indicate she wants some type of R with you. Maybe a recommitted marriage.

In a nutshell, ^^^ this is the situation.

I literally meant my wife didn't know there was a difference between separation and divorce. I actually had the discussion with her about it because I had to define what she meant by it. In other words, she first said she wanted a separation and when I clarified, she was thinking that it was the same as divorce and at that point forward she changed the term she was using to divorce. I hope that clears it up a little more.

We will see if she really wants a recommitted marriage or not, but I have tried to discuss this with her many times and it always lead to no where and it was like talking to a wall. As if I wasn't saying anything at all. So I leave it alone now and I don't bring it up at all.


By the way my wife still hasn't responded to my text, so did she really want me to reach out to her more or not?

(Deep breath, 25)....um, She told you she wanted YOU to reach out to her more, rather than waiting for her to do so. Kind of a pattern in your m, according to her AND according to you way back in the day when you reflected.

Then you asked her to confirm what she just said, to clarify? Why? You don't need an instruction manual & I doubt she wants to give one. Was it to keep putting the burden on her? To reduce your risk?

Then she talked about fixing her wedding ring. Since that was not directly immediately responding to your question, you then refer to her "talking about other things".

Like it was her discussing weather.

Yes I wish she was firmer in her decision, but she's not. I think her heart is guarded but she loves you, and in her head she cannot see this working without continued unmet needs for her.



Possibly with no end in sight.


Unmet needs go both ways, we both have work to do. She is creating more work in my opinion and actually making the things she complained about and wanted more of even more pronounced with the decisions she is making. This is why it is confusing because she is literally doing the same things she complained about. I am not sure it is always clear to her. The funny thing is, I'm not sure you remember or not, but all these things I talk about here with you guys I have said in a text message to her and it was point blank. She responded with everything you say makes sense, so is she not seeing things from my point of view or was she just saying that for some reason unknown to me? That is confusing in itself. Why would she say something like that to make me think I am right in what I am thinking? Was it because I was cutting her off and she just wanted back in, so she went along with it as if I am right? I am seriously asking this as a question?

[Cali08]

Again you tell me, because in my book this is not how you respond to someone who is doing what you asked.

Wait, what are you talking about?


She asked YOU to text her more - to show her your interest - how is that her not complying with what SHE said?? I'm confused. You earmark only parts of the conversation and set her up for failure.

And you don't see it.

Somehow you have turned her request around on her. And you completely overlooked her wedding ring comments.


I simply meant that when someone asks you a direct question the courteous thing to do is to respond. As far as the wedding ring talk goes I am not putting any weight to it. I figured this would actually be in accordance to DBing. I'm not trying to mind read or read to much into what she says. I just took it as she has insurance on the ring and it requires her to take it in every 6 months to get serviced and if she doesn't it voids it, so of course she is going to do that. Does that make sense how I was viewing that?

What is the course of action you recommend I do then. I was happy doing what I was doing and then my wife states that she hopes I would text her more often and not just wait for her to text,

You could have just sent her a text saying "I can do that". No expectations, just compliance from you.

Your choice is simple for now.

1) Either ignore her request and keep waiting for her to
reverse course, and make her position crystal clear and to pursue you now, with all the complications herein,

or
2) sign the papers and be done, and blame her for abandoning the marriage b/c she filed.

- what is your goal now?

For the record, yes I wish she was firmer in her decision. But she's not.


which she also clearly states that I told her I would do that.

I'm lost here^^^.

I didn't ignore her request at all and I have done exactly what she asked. I simply wanted a reply to my question. I feel an answer is deserved to such a simple question with an answer of yes or no. There was more to the question I asked, which I didn't feel was necessary to it before, but maybe it is. Right before I asked her I explained that she told me she was extremely busy with classes and didn't have time to talk to anyone. THEN I asked if she would like me to text more because of that reason. I was thinking that maybe she would clarify. I don't know.... like maybe on the weekends only, but not during the week so I can study more.

What I meant by "she clearly states that I told her I would" is I straight out told her I would leave her alone so she can put full attention into her classes and I straight out told her I wouldn't text her that much anymore. She basically repeated that to me as in I know you did say you weren't going to text much. In other words, she realized I was doing what I said I would do. Is that clear as mud?

I am trying to go about it in the right way the best way I can. What I discuss here and say here isn't the same thing my wife see's and hears

yes, I would hope

and I am not sure that is clear to you guys.

really?

I was serious when I said it because of the reactions I get on here sometime I think you guys believe I am doing everything I discuss on here.

I talk on here about things I am thinking before I make a decision on what I will do next, I am very analytical in that sense.

I think that may be part of the problem

yes it is. And that^^ has been said here before.

Because this is not a math problem to solve.

It has been said before,- your wife wants an investment of passion/emotion from you.

Did you read the rest of my post?

[color:#990000]I did read it and I thought I made that clear in my response.....

The part about the painter and his wife?

How she needs him to tell her how he feels, not just assume she knows. [/color]

I honestly have a feeling that my wife isn't in the boot camp anymore or she isn't that concerned with as she has made it out to be. She told me she has no time for anything else at all, but just to study because of the pace of the class. I got notifications the other day that she is blogging again about books she is reading..... so not exactly what she says it seems. Or is this not something I can think and it's mind reading again. I am just pointing out two things that don't add up. She of course hasn't mentioned anything about it to me personally, but since I followed her blogs before it notified me when she posted a brand new one the other day.

[25yearsmlc]

stop snooping about her blog. Turn off the notifications you get about what SHE is doing. Put a STOP sign in your brain or whatever you do in your job to keep your focus off of her.


Thank God she's journalling, My guess is she suspects or knows you read her blogs, and she may have to be oblique.

What happened to your detachment?