Oh, no, dont get the idea that I never go out of town with them. I probably join them 75 percent of the time, and nearly every time over the last year.
My W finds excuses to not do things as a family at home.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
Another tidbit is that my wife is constantly using me as a sounding board for her daily problems and asking me for help with things in the evenings...setting up her work laptop, putting up pictures, etc. I have been helping her only when she asks (even if I see her struggling with something), and I keep it brief. Is this the right way to handle these requests?
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
Sorry about slow responses...its been hectic lately. Sounding board, as in she tells me about her day, problems at her job, etc. For someone who insists she does not even like me as a friend anymore, she sure likes to talk to me.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
Today, my W tried to start an argument about a recurring topic: she wants me to sleep on the couch on Friday nights so she can sleep in bed and I will not wake her up in the morning when I get ready to exercise.
My W started sleeping on the couch and absolutely refuses to sleep in the bed if I am there. I refuse to sleep on the couch to accommodate her. She insists she is not getting enough sleep due to work and grad school and I need to do this for her. I stood my ground again, suggesting she sleep in bed. She got bitterly angry. My only response was that her schedule is not predictable, staying up until 2 am one night, then crashing on the couch at 9 pm the next. So, I was in the middle of doing chores when she wanted all the lights out so she could sleep on the couch at 9 pm. I did not quite suggest that she evens out her sleep schedule because I figured this would just make her furious...but it is the truth. If she planned a day further ahead, she would get the same work done and get on a stable sleep schedule. And, I would at least know when she wants it quiet to sleep.
I know I need, and want, to stand my ground on this, but she is getting bitterly angry every Friday evening when I am keeping her up past 9 pm as she is choosing to sleep on the couch.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
W did not file for D as she said she would. I am doing 180s, detaching, and GAL: planning weekends with the kids and inviting but not expecting W to come with us, telling my W less of what I am doing or planning, spending more time doing things for myself instead of my W, working on my car more, and doing less projects around the house (historically the majority of my freetime).
Odd sequence of events to note from last weekend...my W planned a get together for my kids friends, hot dog roast, etc. In the middle of the day, she decided my daughter was too sick, cancelled her friends, and asked me to take my daughter out to dinner and a movie during the playdate.
I agreed to do this even though I thought my daughter just has allergies. I very nicely suggested to my W that it might be allergies. My W responded with something along the line that me not wanting to take my daughter out was me being self serving, not wanting daddy-daughter time, and me being negative. The worst was that after expressing this in front of all 3 kids, she concluded with a "this is why I hate you" comment.
I let this roll off my back and took my daughter out. We came back 30 minutes early because my daughter was tired. I found that my wife was not able to start the fire pit up on her own, leaving them to cook the hit dogs on the stove...
It really seems that anytime I disagree with my W, it turns into her accusing me of being negative and ending with a "this is why I hate you". Any advice on how to handle my W negative spin on everything I say?
This scenario reminds me of another thing my W started doing...interrupting my conversations with the kids to disagree with something I said...every single time I talk to the kids with her around.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
She doesn’t respect you. Never let your wife disrespect you like that especially in front of your kids.
You should read up on boundaries.
Amen to this. Do not let those comments in front of your kids roll off your back. You tell her " I will not stand here while you disrespect me in front of our children" and walk away.
I would take the kids out with you when you go, even if only for a walk/drive.
That's horrible behavior. I suspect if she is left alone with them after one of her tantrums (which these absolutely are)
she'll engage in more character assassination of you. Eff that.
Tate, it's an untenable situation and I would not bother about where the heck SHE sleeps.
Nor would I ever ask her to get in the same bed as you. She does not deserve that. After a hateful tantrum like she had i'd want her on the couch.
Get a TV in YOUR bedroom if she's sleeping on the couch
or use headphones for your computer and watch what you want or read or dance, if she's sleeping on the couch.
Don't worry about her sleeping patterns, just yours and the kids.
ugh
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I know it's disrespectful behavior on her part, obviously.
But calling it "disrespect" is almost giving her/it too much credit.
It's literally what an angry 3 year old would say, if you refused to take them to McDonalds.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
