From the other side of the mountain (pt. 9)

[SBJ]

bttrfly...I am not a die hard baseball guy, but I love my Astros. They pulled one out last night.


Journaling...the last few days have been interesting. The ex isn't a very sentimental type at all but I guess I am. Halloween is the anniversary of our engagement all those years ago. We don't really talk about it, but this was the first one we were not going to celebrate together as she had the kids. I had invited some friends over to watch the game. At the last minute she tells me that she, a girlfriend of hers, and all of the kids (my 2 youngest, the friends 2, and 3 or 4 other friends) were going to T/T in our neighborhood. Just as I shut down the candy dump to focus on the rest of the game, here they all came pouring into my house. All 9 of them needed to take bathroom breaks and wanted to get something to drink. I have a 2nd fridge that we use for drinks and ice cream so we were stocked.

The odd part was when the ex needed to go to the restroom, she asked if I minded which one she used...I thought, how about the one that was yours for the past 13 years. Then when leaving, as my bday was the 1st, she turned and shouts that she wanted to be the first to say happy bday. It still just seems so bizarre.

Yesterday, she called a couple of times about the kids and some work stuff, but never mentioned my bday, but then around 4pm she texts an apology for not saying it. I guess their short term memory is fried too.

Anyway, this morning she asked if I had a good bday, and if we enjoyed dinner last night with my kids and parents. Sometimes they are so inquisitive...especially when they weren't there. I told her we had a nice time and left it at that.

I'm excited about this weekend and a bit sad. This is opening weekend of rifle season for whitetail in TX, but Sunday is also the 1yr anniv. of her moving out. It doesn't seem like it has been that long. I'm glad I will be with family and friends to keep my mind off of that and onto something that I love doing.

[Gordie]

SBJ,

Sentimental? Maybe you are but maybe you are wired to remember dates. Funny, I remember events but not dates. Can’t tell you date of first kiss or engagement or b d. I can tell you birthdays and anniversaries and those sorts of big date. Enjoy the deer hunting. There is something very peaceful being in the woods all by yourself for hours and being in a deer stand is icing on the cake.

[SBJ]

Gord, you are right...I am senti- "mental".

I enjoyed a weekend away hunting with my S20, my brothers, and many friends. Even though I was away, Sunday was kind of rough. I guess it is weird thinking that a person that you put all of your heart and soul into has been out of your life and house for a year. It has kind of spilled over to the rest of the week, but I am trying to work thru it.

We will never understand the way they think, but I'd like to at least hope that they feel some type of remorse. I guess it doesn't make it any better for us either way, but it's just the way my mind works.

I hope and pray that all of you are having a great week.

[Gordie]

SBJ: I enjoyed a weekend away hunting with my S20, my brothers, and many friends.

G: awesome, did you bring any home?

SBJ: Even though I was away, Sunday was kind of rough. I guess it is weird thinking that a person that you put all of your heart and soul into has been out of your life and house for a year. It has kind of spilled over to the rest of the week, but I am trying to work thru it.

G: sorry to hear it was rough, but it’s healthy to grieve...”weird” is an understatement.

SBJ: We will never understand the way they think, but I'd like to at least hope that they feel some type of remorse. I guess it doesn't make it any better for us either way, but it's just the way my mind works.

G: agree we will never understand. Hanging around here, seems like remorse takes years if ever. Look at Irish’s XW. We look at our exes and say, what happened to their conscience?

SBJ: I hope and pray that all of you are having a great week.

G: you too, brother.

[SBJ]

Gord, all I brought home was a hangover. I have more hunts scheduled, so I am in no real rush.

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Funny thing...when the W was still in the house over a year + ago, she tried on one of my daughters drill team dance outfits...I took a pic of her and told her how hot she was, because she was for sure. It was quite small, but she is a fit size zero. I didn't think anything of it. It was when this thing started. Well last week, my daughter said she had just gotten her dance costumes for contest in and showed me the pics. One was cute and the other was kind of...not. She and I were driving home yesterday and her mother called. I overheard my daughter saying that her friends like the pic. When they hung up she had said that her mom tried on her costumes and she had taken a pic.

It is funny that my Ex has this fascination in fitting into a 15 year olds dance costumes. I guess it is all a part of the I can still get into it and I still look young and hot kind of thing.

Maybe it is a woman thing...ladies, please give me your reactions. Is that something that women do...trying on their daughters stuff? I know I don't try and fit into my sons clothes for any reason. I might look like a 47 yo skater or a wannabe hipster...haha.

[Gordie]

Dunno, what she is thinking. I know in the women in MLC book a lot of women have issues when their daughters go through puberty and unfairly compare their middle aged bodies with their daughters’ teen bodies. I know my stbx went through that. Men have their own issues, but they are different.

[bttrfly]

Dunno. I have no daughters, just a sweet boy. My mom never tried my clothes on when I was a teen. None of my girl friends with daughters have ever said they were trying on their girls' clothes. Usually it is the other way around - the girls try on Mom's things.

[job]

It's not uncommon for people in MLC to try on their children's clothes. Why? Because they are mentally back to that age and may want to see what they look like in them or they are trying to visualize how they would have worn those clothes at that age. Maybe your wife missed out on this type of activity and is trying to relive her life through her daughter's life and clothes.

[HaWho]

I knew a woman who rituously shared clothes with her teen and always bragged about them being the same size. Not sure she was having a MLC or not. But what was very clear is that she was deeply insecure about aging.

There are lots and lots of women who could fit in the their daughter's clothes. But just because you can doesn't mean you should or that it's a good look. In general people kind of felt sorry for her because she was trying so hard to be 17 again.

[SBJ]

Thank you for your responses...I guess it is somewhat different from MLC women vs men. Most of you are correct when you say that they want to still fit in and see what they look like in younger clothing. At some point my daughter will buy bigger clothing because she is taller than my ex, but they are both very slim and fit.

I found out last night that the ex has taken on yet another volunteer committee position. I laugh because we always use to make fun of my commitment to scouting with my oldest...they claim that it is just an hour a week, but seemed to be so much more. My s20 told me that she added something else...he said they only meet once a month. That is great, but if you have multiple obligations that all meet once a month, then your plate is full. It cracks me up that they need to fill themselves with things that make them feel important and receive accolades for a job well done.

I guess no matter how well we thought we did with regards to loving them, acknowledging them, praising them, or even just being there for them..if they didn't "get" it then they will continue to look for that elusive creature.