25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 7

[25yearsmlc]

Just wanted to start a new thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2759807#Post2759807

Staying more forward focussed and will post as a journal and pose questions to DB land for your thoughts.

At this point, I'm coming up with numbers for h, as he says he wants to settle. H did not think he owed arrears b/c he did not think he should.

He believed, OR says he does, that the judge should not have imputed income to him just b/c he had a well paying job...

and h says he 'retired" from that job. We have evidence that 1) he kept working and 2) even if he stopped,

the law in CA says you cannot willfully underwork when you have a marketable skill

and you cannot 'retire' merely to avoid a court ruling, which is precisely what he told 2 of our children and yes they will testify.

That's very gross as a family event. So For ME, emotionally I'd want to settle and I assume h wants to for whatever his reasons are.

I'm adding up numbers I had not thought of before, like my T who my insurance won't cover and the life ins I want to have on H that i DID have but which he cancelled

I will add up all these things that are my expenses, some of which are things he should


when he listed d20's college tuition after cutting her off (in writing) I did not burst into flames.

So, dealing with HIS income/expenses is hard to do without screaming or laughing and mostly I choose laughing.

INPUT welcome as to suggestions on these matters (Income and expenses you have to list for the court. I hope they care about accuracy b/c I do and H does not).

What will the judge say when she sees H claiming $16k A MONTH for expenses including her college, when the judge sees the letter TO D20 FROM H cutting her off?

And the the package sent to the school showing our efforts to help d20 and her brother managing to argue the case that "h is gone from our lives" so his income is irrelevant and here is our evidence.

Again - the college granted 90% of s31's appeal, so we got a great gift (S31 is my hero)

but for h to claim it......wow...




2) a nice guy I'm not wild about physically ,but enjoy the company of, wants to date.

Good news, I am ready to date but not sure what else. I'm thinking my dating radar needs tuning fast.

I am largely looking forward in my days now. Backslides will come with the divorce numbers but there is an end that MIGHT be in sight. I could see H pulling out at the last minute. I don't know the man I knew so well....

maybe the 1 year mark is pushing me some and maybe settling this finally is too.

And I feel safer looking for work without thinking my h is hovering over my shoulder either gleefully saying 25 earns that much?? Cut spousal support by half!!!"

OR "is that all you'll earn?" (Sniff sniff) He should not be a factor I know. But after 35 years he still is.

But less of one every day.

[Accuray]

Hi 25,

In my case the judge didn’t look at the details of my financial disclosure at all really, nor would he have taken the time to link together inconsistencies. The process was more akin to “did you each provide a full and accurate financial disclosure and have you each reviewed the disclosures with your lawyers?” (Nod) Then he ensured that payments were consistent with state formulas and sent us on our way. While it was obviously a very personal process to me we were one of probably 40 divorces he oversaw that day, so I wouldn’t expect the judge to catch inconsistencies that you don’t explicitly point out.

One of the other cases on the same day featured a guy who was not forthright in his disclosure and his W’s lawyer pointed out where and how. The judge was not pleased, scolded and shamed the guy and then sent them away to fix it and threatened contempt of court if he did it again, which meant a delay and another court date. Point is I’d probably have your lawyer raise things you take exception to before you get to court.

Stay strong!

Acc

[25yearsmlc]

will do Acc,

H's claim of d20s' college tuition was over the top crazy or bold lying. I think the former b/c he HAS to know I'd bring it up and I will.

Otherwise crossing fingers this ends soon. Mixed feelings in a way but mostly, very ready.

[Maybell]

How are you feeling? Empowered?

One year from now, how do you see your life? What are you doing? How do you feel?

[Lovelyp]

I like the fact that your kids are on your side. So now he wants to lie that he pays d20 s college fees which he refused. He is trying so badly to ensure you get as little as possible BUT he under estimated you. I pray that it all goes well and you get your fair share.

Wow I'm so happy you got a nice guy who is interested in you. I guess you may try to overlook the physical bit and just enjoy being with him.


You are an emotionally intelligent and Iit's a huge loss to H. Enjoy your life and keep focused on your goals. I guess you shouldn't put too much pressure on the first job. After you bounce back you can always improve on job number 2 going forward. The first is always a starting point. I'm praying that the settlement, job hunts will all go well and you will be happy.

[Valeska19]

There comes a time when it is more painful to be in the limbo state.. then to just have it over. You see the finish line, Step into this. Embrace it. That's when the true healing begins.

So proud of your kids... and of YOU.

((( )))

[CW2017]

Always seems a bit more complicated on the other side of the pond! A friend of mine is going through D at the mo. Despite him having a business two properties and two good pensions his lawyer recommended he offered cash instead and she went for it!

[25yearsmlc]

I like the fact that your kids are on your side. So now he wants to lie that he pays d20 s college fees which he refused. He is trying so badly to ensure you get as little as possible BUT he under estimated you. I pray that it all goes well and you get your fair share.

Wow I'm so happy you got a nice guy who is interested in you. I guess you may try to overlook the physical bit and just enjoy being with him.


Thanks. I was not really looking, tbh. I have thought about looking! I knew him back in high school and college. His name is "G".

I knew and dated him long ago, just before h. So there's a familiar level of comfort with G. He wanted to reassure me that he's solvent and available for a "special lady" and it was very flattering.

But unlike G, I am new to dating. I am new to being single, and I am learning a lot about myself. Coming out of a long m is - even when you are coming to terms with it and feeling at peace - is a startling experience.

Certainly it would be great to have a target for intimate attention.

I like the idea of romantic love & companionship in my life someday. For now, that is enough.

I have a lot of friends and family in my life. New people are making up almost half of what I'm doing and I am grateful for that b/c there's just no associations of h with them.

I like having my own place a lot.

I am not looking to remarry soon, maybe not ever. Of course I realize there's No need to know now.



You are an emotionally intelligent and Iit's a huge loss to H. Enjoy your life and keep focused on your goals. I guess you shouldn't put too much pressure on the first job. After you bounce back you can always improve on job number 2 going forward. The first is always a starting point. I'm praying that the settlement, job hunts will all go well and you will be happy.

thank you Lovelyp, I appreciate it.

[25yearsmlc]

How are you feeling? Empowered?

I (usually)feel like the last lap is near, not to blow it, and trying hard to make the most of my now,

& I look forward to my new life. Embracing what life has given me.

One year from now, how do you see your life? What are you doing? How do you feel?

In a year, I see myself at a job I enjoy, traveling often or living abroad, (Ideally the latter).

I see myself performing in theater or film, doing some stand up comedy when I can (it's very time consuming b/c it's not just rehearsing but also writing, tuning up, re-writing and then rehearsing).

I see myself feeling free and unencumbered and alert, availing myself of whatever I want.

I see myself doing involved in my community, maintaining my relationships with my children, my large family and a solid circle of friends I value very much.

I see myself Investing in real estate either as my residence and or for a positive cash flow.

The real estate area I'm living in is very expensive, so there are budgetary concerns I have with whatever settlement reached with H. That will affect investments, and in the long run, that might be all.

I see myself dating casually until if and when I meet someone I truly want to commit to.

So far that's all I got.

[leahsue]

Well, that sounds like a great jumping off place, young lady!

You've going to be JUST FINE.

((((( 25 )))))