nice....No...great job on!!! Taking the bait, you did not. Huge step to me. It blurs my mind how scripted these affairs are...be you, be a great you sir.
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
I know it crazy how they all say and act the same. I've read and learned so much about it all its actually pretty interesting. Human behaviour. I'm really trying to stay strong now. Not long till I move out. Don't how I'll be when we tell d8. That will kill me. I'm going to feel pretty angry at my wife for the hurt d8 will be in. Have to remember this is not my choice. I didn't ask for any of this. my wife will have to live with this one. I'll just be the best I can. Best dad I can in a crappy situation.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Gal last night was skating with D8. Great time had. She had her new little boots on as well
When I got home I spoke to wife saying we need to tell d8 about what is going on as my tenancy is to be signed tomorrow so I can move any time after. Her face dropped when I said this. She was then again saying what else have I been up to. I told her I have been getting stuff ready to move and that ive bought a car. Laughably she said "more secrets, you need to tell me these things" I said why do I need to tell you? Im just getting on with moving, I have a massive list of stuff to do. I said you don't tell me anything and I don't want to know. She was very put out and started getting a bit irritated that im not telling her my every movement. She was even annoyed I hadn't told her I booked 2 days holiday to get all this stuff done. I said basically its none of your business really (being friendly). She was then bringing up d8 and how we co parent. I agreed we need to work that out this weekend before we tell her. I said this wasn't my decision. She wanted to separate so im just getting on with it. She said she only wanted me to go back to the other house around the corner. I said that is not possible as too expensive and too painful. We both need to move on with our lives. She tried to say it wasn't her decision which I shot her down on straight away. All of this is her decision. The reality was dawning on her that this is going to happen. I could literally see the blood disappear from her face She then preceded to try and say we would still see each other be friends popping round for cups of tea (she was sort of half joking). I told her this would be really nice but isn't going to happen. We need to move on. We will be friendly and civil for d8 have family days but I don't want her coming round or ringing me all the time. Again I could see that this isn't what she had in mind when she wanted to separate. For the record my wife is not very good living on her own. She hated it. I sat there looking at this person, she was frantically playing with her hair which is what she does when she is stressed and all i could think was "I hope OM is worth all this" I didn't mention our R, OM, I didn't get upset I held it together pretty well. I was firm about what I want to do. I feel I have detached a little bit more from her. My mind strays more now to the things I want to do when on my own and not to wanting this person back. Of course ill miss her but time will heal that. Feel cr@ppy this morning as I dreamt about wife last night. She went on a date with someone (not OM) but this guy was also a smoker and I laughed and said you'll need some chewing gum, she hates smoking. Bizarre dream
Got a lot to do today. Finally get the keys to the new place. Need to pick some furniture up. Then im going to start taking stuff over, just things that are stored away so d8 wont know.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Sounds like reality is starting to bite for your W. She had a 'vision' of exactly how S would work, and how you would 'fit in' to the life she wants right now. You live right around the corner, we have cups of tea, I carry on with OM.....
But, some of the things you are doing, just put a spanner in the works for her and she's feeling all that now. Plus, you guys are both having to face telling your D and that's hard. I would carry on with the 'moving momentum' and also do your best to be supportive and validating to your W.
You're doing well OTU - living up to what your thread title promises!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Reality is definitely kicking in. I think your right with what my wife was expecting to happen. I just have no idea where her head is at. Kicking in for me to. Been on a downer today. Didn't sleep well, dreamt about wife. I have picked up keys to the new place and got services ordered and bought some stuff. I should have been excited but I just felt sad. Have had the shakes all day as well.
Going out tomorrow with D8 for horse riding then she has her friends bday party then I have a night out for a school reunion so that should be good. busy busy
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Sorry you had a rough day. From reading sitches, the time around moving is tough. And I found the first couple of weeks living alone tough, but then I started to settle in more & more and enjoy it. You have this to look forward to - but there's a road to travel first. Deep breaths - you'll get there.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Good to see you hanging in there. FWIW, you did well in your interactions with your w. Was it handled perfectly?
No, but who does that?
Was it improved? YES - and that's no small feat. So, well done.
I look forward to your posts ONLY being about you and GAL and your d, but for now, maybe you can try to embrace the ambiguity inherent in your situation.
In many ways we are ALL living in ambiguity.
Originally Posted By: Ontheup
Hey Toots
Reality is definitely kicking in. I think your right with what my wife was expecting to happen. I just have no idea where her head is at. She MAY have assumed that, much like a picture of your family can be photo shopped, your face could just be replaced with OM's and nothing else would change. That's how many WASs seem to think...and they're quite mistaken.
- I have picked up keys to the new place and got services ordered and bought some stuff. I should have been excited but I just felt sad. Have had the shakes all day as well. Not sure you "Should have been" excited, but I take your point. Thing is, your growth in this ordeal will Not be linear. You'll have setbacks, and that's normal.
HER path won't likely be linear either, which may account for the many apparent mood swings.
Give yourself a break, take a breath and really truly, go one day at a time.
Sometimes that may mean taking things an hour at a time...
Going out tomorrow with D8 for horse riding then she has her friends bday party then I have a night out for a school reunion so that should be good. busy busy
Reunions are a blast when you embrace old friends and everyone just wishes the best for their buddies. The goal is to HAVE FUN!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I look forward to me just gal as well. Will be easier when I'm gone and settled into a new routine. I have a lot of stuff planned that I want to do. For now just keep my composure and keep,on keeping on
Cheers
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Great night had at school reunion. About 50 people turned up. Was all a bit bizarre really. Got a thick head this morning. Too many fruit ciders and out way too late sausage sandwich will sort me out
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
sausage sandwich will sort me out