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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2760380&page=10

Wow...part 6! Crazy! No change in my W, I just continue to give her time and space. I don't communicate with her much outside of kid exchange, kid related activities or finances. I rarely ever initiate any conversation with her and do not pursue. I never ask her questions about where she has been, what is doing, etc.

She has ran into money issues recently and has come to me for support. I have gone back and forth with 100% cutting her off etc. as I don't want to enable her but with children involved it's not as black and white. I do believe she is struggling more than she lets on and we have not spoke about our R or D in over 2 months. I still do not have confirmation that there is OM but I am sure she has at minimum met guys a bars, maybe went on a date, but I don't think there is 1 specific person.

My GAL has consisted primarily of hitting the gym and going out with friends here and there. I am still in our home and do feel comfortable being alone. I don't walk around looking at pictures or remembering how active and full of energy our house was so I feel pretty good and am not depressed about that.

I also feel good about who I am as person and am finding it hard to really think of what I would change about myself. When my W left she complained about my physical appearance (which I have changed) and also told me I needed to be more of a leader. I have done some reading on what that means but I don't know what her expectations consist of as she never told me. In general the areas listed below are how men should lead their home based on what I have read:

1. Lead by loving

2. Lead by initiating

3. Lead by example

4. Lead by management

5. Leading spiritually

6. Leading morally

7. Leading in reconciliation

8. Leading by your service

9. Leading in decision making

I think the biggest opportunity I have is leading by initiating and leading spiritually. I took care of all the finances in our home, was an active participant with our children and household chores. I feel like my W deferred to me on decisions and I made them. I feel I am a morally good person and lead my children by example.

To me initiating is a work in progress and I find it hard to do when we are not together. From a spiritual standpoint I have been taking my children to church every Sunday and have gotten more involved with bible study and with my D's getting them involved with choir and children's church (something I initiated).

Anyway I guess my stich is slightly boring compared to some. I don't know if that is good or bad but I guess it is what it is. My W and I don't yell at each other, she is not shoving her personal life in my face on social media or in person and we interact with each other at the events for our children with relative ease. In some respects it feels like we are already D without the paperwork being final.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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I like the list of 'leading' in different areas.

How are your D's doing with church and other spiritual activities that you got them involved in?


No one is coming to save you!

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What up M....they actually like it for the most part. They like going to Sunday school, hate big church, but like childrens church on Sunday nights. My goal was to get them exposed and ultimately when they are old enough then they can make their own decisions. My W started going, stopped, then I picked up the torch. I have actually enjoyed going as well it has helped bring me some peace.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 86
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Like your list as well. I would say the last one should be done as a couple if you were together obviously, but definitely be confident enough to decide if wavering takes place. Good that you are continuing on improving yourself. Keep up the good work.


Me 51, Wife 44; Married 4; Together 10;
HSD20, XWSD13, XWSS14, XWSS17
Kids Together D4, D1.52
W Moves Out: 03/16/17
W Files : 03/17/17
D Final: 10/23/17
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I feel you are doing so well. keep making those changing for yourself and your Ds. I find your threads interesting because you talk about interesting issues.
Leadership is really a key area for a man and areas where men must lead are all interesting.
You just keep on reading and learning. You may also ask close friends who have known you about 2 great qualities about you and 2 shortcomings you have. This helps a lot. I did this with close family and friends and it has given useful suggestions on areas where I am good and where I need to work on.

Well, I am a very active christian and I find the spiritual leadership more interesting. From my understanding God is the author of marriage and he designed it in a way that the husband is the head and must lead. Most men do not know this and women lead and when they do it brings dyfunctionality to the marriage. In most cases women start looking at their pastors as role models and in some cases start desiring them because they yearn for a man who leads in this area. In some cases most Hs just tag along and go to church to please the wife and not in it and women and children can see that. I hope you continue to grow and lead spiritually building a strong relationship with Jesus Christ and studying the bible because as you grow you find so much peace and contentment. This will positively affect every area of your life.


M 11 Dated for 4 years before then
Me 35 H 39
D 10
BD Feb 2016
A 2015 Dec
I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately
I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
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Thanks LP.....in many ways I feel as though my sitch is boring and emotionless compared to others. Maybe that is a good thing, IDK but it feels weird at times.

I have enjoyed going to church with my D's, I will admit I was that guy at first that my W would drag along. Since is moved out though I have really taken ownership of it. This Sunday I am even responsible for bringing a breakfast casserole to bible study. This should be interesting.........

I have mixed emotions this morning as today is our 14 yr anniversary. I did feel some anger and sadness as I drove into work today but overall I feel pretty good. I am pretty positive that I won't hear from her today and I know I will not be reaching out to her.

When I sit back and think I still wonder how we got to this place. It is truly amazing, I never would have envisioned this for us. I remember when she first told me I could see the anger in her face. It was crazy because I had no idea where it all came from and still don't. It is hard to believe that I shared 16 years of my life with this person, children, vacations, etc. and what I see now looks like a shell of the person I used to love.

Anyway, on with the rest of my day smile Gonna hit the gym after work and then I need to mow my backyard. FUN FUN! I got my haircut last night, so feeling pretty good about that. I went to a new place, got the straight razor shave and the eyebrow wax! There is no shame in my game!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 561
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Hi Joseph,
Just wanted to say I think you're doing great!

I know today will be rough being your anniversary. You're smart not to expect to hear from her, and stick to your guns and don't reach out to her. Just stay busy all day and it will fly by. Tomorrow is a new day, and who knows where you will be this time next year when it rolls around? Better days are coming! Keep up the good work.

(Oct. 2 will be my 13th anniversary, and I'm already planning to make BIG plans for myself all day and night so no thoughts can creep in!)


M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton

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Thanks L, I appreciate it. I do have some sadness and anger which I know is part of the process. I know she won't reach out or if she does it will be in an in-direct way, maybe to talk about something else, to see if I take the bait. I know if I do contact her I will take a step back with my efforts to make her feel I am still waiting and I don't want to be in that position.

I agree tomorrow is a new day! 1 step in front of the other,1 day at a time and do not look too far in the future!!

What plans do you have for 10/2? I thought about taking myself out to eat tonight and potentially engaging in some random conversations smile.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Well I made it through our anniversary with minimal overwhelming emotions. Nc from my W which I expected, further proof she is gone. Hopefully my NC with her as well resignated with her that I am giving in emotionally. I know its not supposed to be for her but it does give me some satisfaction that I didnt reach out. I honestly felt no desire. Had a good GAL evening at the gym, now I am just home chilling and relaxing.

Stay strong everyone! You can do it!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,920
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Hey man! You HULKED the anniversary!

Sadness and anger is normal. Glad to hear you blew off any steam at the gym.

Stay strong for reals!!!


No one is coming to save you!

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