Moving Day went good. Movers were super efficient and got it done in under 5 hours.
But is your closet organized and sorted by color?
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Went to the old home for a last look to see if I had missed anything late in the evening. Cracked open a beer in the back porch and a had a few smokes and just reflected. It seemed surreal. Had our whole life planned with the kids growing up in this wonderful home and creating the family life and experiences to last a lifetime - all destroyed in a few months. It's just unbelievable that this option was the better one for W rather than taking time to work with me.
I feel ya brah.......what a kick in the nutz. Process the anger and let it go. Your the better option, hold your head up!
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So much of this is her fault too and as AS said in the other thread, my fog has been coming off and I am seeing things that were not good in the MR.
I will gladly accept 25% of the responsibility. I know it takes 2 but IMO 50/50 responsibility is BS
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I really don't know if I can go through a recon with her if she ever wanted it. I know so clearly now what I need in a partnership and the things that I can improve on and the things that I can't change about myself. So, when I put that balance out, I don't see myself with W unless she does some massive amount of work. Even then, I may just be spent.
I think it depends on how you treat each other from this point forward. I think sometimes there is so much anger, hurt and resentment towards each other that it makes it impossible to ever connect again. IMO your W has been pretty respectful to you, maybe sent some mixed signals, but she is not flaunting or taunting you, being off the hook dis-respectful, etc. With that said I think you could RC if/when she comes back and if it is what you want.
Hahaha! The closet is definitely not organized and color coded. The Type A in me is going a bit bananas, but I let myself just relax last night. There is no way I am going to unpack in one evening. I am giving myself some slack
Yeh, the anger is one of my main issues. I've been ignoring it and pretending that I am actually not that angry, but I am. It's hindering me detaching and making sure my interactions with W are not cold. But, now that a new chapter has officially started, I can focus on processing it.
I agree with you about the 50/50 responsibility BS. Just like you, I provided well for the family, I took care of business in the house, I was there for the kids and her, and I never yelled or was abusive to W. So, I am not only owning to some parts of what went wrong in the MR, and she has to own her $hit too.
You're right about RC - she hasn't been disrespectful or flaunted anything in my face. I think that I can't see anything about RC clearly because I am still angry and I just need to give it time and focus on my needs first. But, that said, I do know what I would need in a MR and I won't take anything less if she wants to RC - either she works with me or I walk. I am getting more comfortable with that idea. Not seeing her for long stretches has helped a lot with this too.
I'm hitting up some fitness stores later next week Fixing up the new place first and then getting all the workout gear and getting on that train to getting-jacked-town.
I do know what I would need in a MR and I won't take anything less if she wants to RC - either she works with me or I walk. I am getting more comfortable with that idea
Just remember this sentence when she comes back...especially when you are on the train to jack town!
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I am getting more comfortable with that idea. Not seeing her for long stretches has helped a lot with this too.
Time, space and distance really helps. IMO it is hard work to stay angry and it takes a lot of energy as well. I am not angry at my W for how she felt, I was more angry about how she handled it.
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I'm hitting up some fitness stores later next week smile Fixing up the new place first and then getting all the workout gear and getting on that train to getting-jacked-town.
Choo Choo.....the M train is coming through! Don't forget the x-mas lights, and a system for garage. As I close my eyes I am picturing Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.
Just remember this sentence when she comes back...especially when you are on the train to jack town!
Yeah. I don't think I can turn back from this now.
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I am not angry at my W for how she felt, I was more angry about how she handled it.
THAT'S IT!!! You precisely nailed the root cause of the anger. There were options of how this could've been handled, and this was the worst option IMHO. And if I can add to that, I believe the anger is not just about how she handled it, but she decided for everyone in the family - me and both kids. We had no say in the decision.
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Choo Choo.....the M train is coming through! Don't forget the x-mas lights, and a system for garage. As I close my eyes I am picturing Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.
Yeahh.. I got some great ideas of what I will do with the master bedroom. It will also serve as some office space as the room is massively huge. But, I read that you should try and not make your bedroom as part office. To get around that, I am going to get some cool japanese style room dividers to separate the bedroom and office space the lights is a fab idea. Now where did I put the shopping list
Signed all the papers with the lawyers yesterday and today is the official closing date for the house. Made a little bit of money on the sale and so have to pick up the cheque at some point today - but I never gave a damn about the money anyways.
Interaction with W was fine at the lawyers. Interestingly, she didn't fill out the section on marital status on the paperwork and when the lawyer asked she said we were married - which we technically still are. Don't know why she did that, but who cares. Not reading into anything, but it was interesting nonetheless.
Then in the parking lot she apologized for all of this and got very emotional. She gave me a quick hug and then I bounced. Played cool and I know I had an opportunity to validate and say something, but I just didn't have it in me to do so. It was emotional for me to sign away the house but I didn't let it out for her to see.
So, it's all done and done now. Had the kids over last night which was great. Worked on organizing the house and got pretty far last night so I am happy. Will finish over the weekend and then fitness equipment and some furniture shopping.
hahahahaha. yes yes the lights. I definitely won't forget. Picked up an expensive bottle of single malt scotch. Opening it tonight and gonna have a big steak. Life - Here I Come!!!!
Then in the parking lot she apologized for all of this and got very emotional. She gave me a quick hug and then I bounced. Played cool and I know I had an opportunity to validate and say something, but I just didn't have it in me to do so. It was emotional for me to sign away the house but I didn't let it out for her to see.
You don't have to validate EVERYTHING! I think you did just fine, playing cool and exiting stage right may actually have been better than validating her feelings over something she did that she knows you were against.
Originally Posted By: Maika
Picked up an expensive bottle of single malt scotch. Opening it tonight and gonna have a big steak. Life - Here I Come!!!!
Thanks AS! Sometimes I feel like LBS's have to become validation machines lol. I agree with you that what I did was fine. Didn't stick around once business was concluded. As usual, I was pleasant and chill.
I think I am about to enter your territory J dawg. Now with everything basically concluded, outside of some house things I need to get from her, I don't expect to see W often. Kids schedule is such that we could pretty much go for months without seeing each other unless it's at school events. She hasn't offered up that weekly dinner suggestion again and I haven't brought it up.
I'm organizing my place - haven't color coded the closet yet, but almost unpacked all the boxes and $hit is coming together. I have a long few weeks of work ahead, but after end of October, it will ease up and enough time for me to settle in the new joint.
Going to make my steak!! Been enjoying some scotch while unpacking and listening to music. Mood has been up and down today but I feel a lot better right now. Here's to Maika 2.0.
You go M! Not seeing her will be the best thing that ever happened in your sitch.....it is kind of bittersweet but that is how you can flip the script, really get your mojo back and trust me you will start to see her in a different light. When I see her now the only thing that really comes to mind is sex.
