JMSTL thread-Part 5-What a beautiful GAL

[sandi2]

I will not tolerate the disrespect of my time.

Before you go shooting off your mouth, you need to ask yourself what you can do if this happens again. Don't get into a tit for tat situation.

[Jmstl]

I will not tolerate the disrespect of my time.

Before you go shooting off your mouth, you need to ask yourself what you can do if this happens again. Don't get into a tit for tat situation.

I have not shot my mouth off yet. I am trying to formulate how I will respond. Something along the lines of:

ON x date, you were x late
On x date, you were not present and sent a proxy to receive our children. Per our agreement, I am to be notified if you are not able to receive our children, and I am to have first chance to spend time with them if you cannot be with them.

I do not disrespect your time with the children, and have been and present every single exchange, and I expect you to do the same going forward.

I HAVE to say something, otherwise she is just going to continue to walk all over me.

[TBSakaJ9]

I HAVE to say something, otherwise she is just going to continue to walk all over me.

What if she says "tough $hit"? What are you going to do? It's not a court ordered agreement correct? Just a verbal? If she continues this behavior what recourse do you have or what are the consequences to her if she continues this behavior?

[Jmstl]

I HAVE to say something, otherwise she is just going to continue to walk all over me.

What if she says "tough $hit"? What are you going to do? It's not a court ordered agreement correct? Just a verbal? If she continues this behavior what recourse do you have or what are the consequences to her if she continues this behavior?

The agreement we have is basically laid out in our separation agreement. So, I believe that I could maybe go to court and ask that it be enforced. I am not sure. I could get a lawyer involved that would probably better handle it.

[TBSakaJ9]

Sounds like you could if she was in violation. I guess you would have to weigh the cost/benefit if she chooses to not abide by it. Is the cost of taking her back to court etc. worth it for what she is doing.

You guys will be in each other lives for a very long time to come.

[Holding]

Jmstl, you should definitely document these incidents. If there's an intention to adopt the separation agreement in the D, these incidents might allow you to push for something different.

[Jmstl]

Jmstl, you should definitely document these incidents. If there's an intention to adopt the separation agreement in the D, these incidents might allow you to push for something different.

Holding, I don't want to push for something different. The schedule we have now works very well. I see my children every day except every other Saturday.

All I want, is for her to drop the kids off on time, and be there when I drop them off.

[Jmstl]

I forgot to mention

Saturday was IC day. I was really looking forward to it.

The last time we had spoken(end of July) We were still trying to work it out. I gave my IC the details, and how W has been reacting, and her jaw dropped. She said it sounds like she still sending mixed signals, and she clearly needs to speak with an IC of her own, and to monitor the situation incase it starts to head south, for the kids' sake.

I explained to her how things have changed for me, how I am DBing, (and what that entailed), how I was putting my ICs techniques into practice (goal setting, assertiveness, focus) etc. She was extremely pleased. We refocused my goals. She wants to see me in more of a sounding board capacity, since it seems like I have been able to work through issues with my dad, and have processed the D pretty well. We agreed that I would meet 2 days before my D hearing, and then a week after I get back from my family fishing trip, so we can reassess the impact.

[Jmstl]

Sandi, (or anyone else), any advice on how to bring up the subject of her not being there to receive the kids that will come off the best way possible?

I have held off because I don't want to just shoot from the hip and make things worse.

[Jmstl]

So, the email exchange went exactly like I expected it would.

I presented her with a list of facts regarding her being late or not present to get the kids, and she deflected and said she did not know she was late, and thought the time was later.

She then mentioned that my tone was much different than in last few weeks, where it had been pleasant, and asked if lawyers needed to get involved. (No, they don't need to be involved. You need to just tell me if you are going to be late, or not there. It's not much to ask for)

Again, she kept deflecting about not being present, stating that I never had a problem with her parents watching the kids before, and not addressing the fact she wasn't there. (And of course she never apologizes, because she can't be wrong. It was MY fault for not communicating properly, and if /I/ had brought it up before, the issue could have already been resolved. Yeah...I already brought it up THREE TIMES!)

Anyway, I think we got to a more calm state, and she realizes I am not going to tolerate her $hit. But she also knows that if she simply exercises common courtesy, I can be extremely flexible (I am letting her get kids early, so she can visit relatives that live 4 hours away).


I bought a large whiteboard last night and started laying out my goals for 2017 and beyond. I think some people call it a vision board.