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chris19 #2762298 09/19/17 04:04 AM
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I would continue with NC if she is involved with OM. You are married and its not an open competition.

What changes could you have possibly made that are real in one month?

She wants to cake eat right now. Don't allow it!

LH19 #2762312 09/19/17 05:18 AM
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As LH said. If there is an OM, nothing will be gained from you reaching out to her.


No one is coming to save you!

chris19 #2762315 09/19/17 05:28 AM
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With going dark you need to assess and modify. If it is making things worse you need to change stratey.


M 11 Dated for 4 years before then
Me 35 H 39
D 10
BD Feb 2016
A 2015 Dec
I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately
I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
Lovelyp #2762316 09/19/17 05:31 AM
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Love - I do not think it is making things worse; because she is actually the one who has been reaching out to me.

I am saying this right now know; who knows what the future is holding; and if she is getting the D papers together??!?!


M:30 W:28
T:9 MR:2.5
NoKids
Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16
Move back in: 1/17
BD: 8/15
She moved out: 9/1
chris19 #2762317 09/19/17 05:33 AM
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If she is with OM it makes you look really needy and desperate if you are reaching out, pursuing, etc. Your better than that.....don't do it. That is not attractive and makes you look weak!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
chris19 #2762319 09/19/17 05:34 AM
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I guess you need to read the thread about going dark. It will enlighten you on issues and learn from other people's experiences.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095


M 11 Dated for 4 years before then
Me 35 H 39
D 10
BD Feb 2016
A 2015 Dec
I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately
I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
Lovelyp #2762320 09/19/17 05:37 AM
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Originally Posted By: Lovelyp
I guess you need to read the thread about going dark. It will enlighten you on issues and learn from other people's experiences.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095


The above scenario does not apply BECAUSE THERE IS AN OM. Stay NC.

Lovelyp #2762321 09/19/17 05:39 AM
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If you're read my sitch, you'll see my recent update on changing things up - esp around going dark with my W and make a 180 on it.

The ONLY reason I am changing it up is because there is no OM in the picture right now - that I know of. This allows me to do a 180 on the passive angle because I can take it slowly and not come off as pursuing. And I am doing it in tandem with improving myself and working on having no expectations and detachment.

If I find out that there is an OM, that would radically change my approach - full NC outside of kids stuff and going dark. This is not just so that I wouldn't look weak, but really having some self-respect for myself. You know you're worth more than this.

Improve passivity in all other areas of your life. Reaching out to her is not going to make you look good. In fact she might actually detest it seeing that as a 180 right now - why didn't he do it in the marriage; it's too little too late, etc.

You want to show her strength. This is not the way to do it if an OM is in the picture.


No one is coming to save you!

LH19 #2762322 09/19/17 05:39 AM
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I have read it....if there is OM she won't be hearing from me. If she wants to end the R with OM then we can talk but until then I won't be chasing. Her choice.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
TBSakaJ9 #2762327 09/19/17 06:07 AM
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I agree with Joseph9 and Maika. I think if there is still the OM then its not advisable to stop going dark. If you are always available then she will continue taking you for granted. Going dark will force her to feel what it is like not to have you.


M 11 Dated for 4 years before then
Me 35 H 39
D 10
BD Feb 2016
A 2015 Dec
I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately
I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
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