Oh sorry LH.....I had to pick up a package at the Post OFfice today and I struck up a convo with the lady behind the counter. I thought you would be proud of me
You have fought for over 1,000 days.......knowing what you know now would you have done anything different?
First off I wouldn't have moved out when we separated. Wasn't aware of DB and thought it was best for me to rock the boat. Then the separation was a joke it was a cake eating fest without her feeling any ramifications of reality. I still paid for everything, went over and put kids on bus when she had to work, family outings, still hung out with friends who didn't know we were separated. Lastly, I wanted to be back home for Christmas and talked her into letting me when she clearly wasn't ready.
Looking back now I should have played it like you are now with the twist of me taking the time to figure out what I wanted instead of worrying so much about trying to get her back.
I should have tried to persuade her more to stick with MC and or get IC. She quit MC after 4-5 sessions and said she didn't need IC.
Life was miserable for me because I could tell she wasn't happy and I couldn't fix it but hey my family was together and I kept trying to convince myself it was a phase she was going through. Bomb drops 7/2016.
At this point I should have backed totally off GAL hard and see if she pursued me.
Based on some comments she makes I really think she doesn't quite understand the ramifications of divorce and a lot of it has to do with the BS separation I allowed her because I acted out a fear.
I had dinner with my wife's cousin on Thursday and she said "w is gonna wake up in a few years and say WTF did I do" and it's going to be too late.
Dude, your DBing perfectly. You have to be strong, firm and let them go. It has to be because they want to come back. It's the only way it works out long term. Make the changes you want to make for yourself. It really is that simple but everyone struggles because of fear. There are no tricks, magic or effects. Become the man you want to be and the universe will bring like mined people into your life.
I'm at my cottage with two of my close friends. There great guys who suffer from NGS and they are in unhappy Ms and feel like they just can't make there Ws happy. They defer all the decisions to their wives never challenge them on anything, are always saying "yes dear" and they can't figure out why their wives don't want to have sex with them.
Most people just don't know that what they think their W wants is really the exact opposite of what she wants.
Thanks for the vot of confidence. Do you wish you would have filed or not waited as long as you did for your W to file? Dude, I wish i had a retreat like that to escape to. That sounds really fun! I am jealous!!
I have learned that yes dear does not work. I wish I would have known that several years ago. Maybe she is starting to get the picture. We shall see.
On a side note had soccer games this morning. When I got to the field I said "hi" to my W and made a couple of minutes of small talk. I then went and stood on the corner of the field by myself. She came over a few times to talk with me, sent me some videos she took of our D playing and during the last Q stood beside me the whole time. We were joking back and forth, she made a couple comments about her pregnancy (our D's coach is pregnant) and a restaurant she took our youngest to eat this am. For mintue it seemed as though she was reminising for a little bit.
Towards the end of the Q she made a comment about her cell phone bill and that she would just give me money to pay it. I told her "no" that she needed to pay it and get the account set up with her debit card, I told her I did not want to be involved with it any longer as it was 1 of my personal boundaries. When I said that she just looked at me, not sure if she was stunned or not but I know she didn't expect that response. She said ok and that was the end of the conversation.
She then asked me if I could come to her apt and take a look at her smoke detector. I said cant you have maintenance look at it? She made some excuse, I dont remember what it was and then the conversation just got dropped. After the game she said she would handle the smoke detector at another time. I just said ok.
She us taking our kids out on the boat this afternoon with some mutual friends of ours a couple who is in their 60's. They are really cool people and have helped me a lot as I have taken this journey. They don't agree with the decisions she has made and I asked them to please not bring anything up about me, us, our R, D or anything. They promised me they would not but I hate these situations.
Another funny thing happened last night. About 6 pm my doorbelled ringed and it was am older couple from my w's apartment complex. They had my W clutch purse, her drivers license and y W's $100 in cash. Last weekend my W went out dancing with her girlfriends, got smashed and dropped her clutch aong with her food in the middle of the street. She was so hammered that she thought she left it at the dance club but come to find out she dropped it in the street. I gave it to her this am and made a comment that it must have been Teachers Gone Wild, she just laughed and you could tell felt a little embarassed.
Anyway I feel good about the interaction W has started to open up some over the course of the last couple of weeks. She seems to be more comfortable joking around, making small talk, etc. so it maybe her walls are starting to drop some ????? I have not been trying to do anything just working on myself. As always I made sure I look great w a nice v neck t-shirt from Bananna Republic, a pair of khaki shorts and sandals. The shirt also made me look pretty jacked
Good Job. Keep it up. I know she was thinking like what is going after that cell phone response you gave her. You are now allowing her to have to deal with these issues herself. I hope she is starting to feel your lost. It probably was a small wake up call.
I know she also felt a lil bit more lost when you didnt accept her invite to look at her detector.
I'm also glad you interacted with her like a neighbor while at D soccer practice.
Keep up the good work.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Thanks all...it feels natural. I have no expectations and feel like I am making no effort. You have to get to a place where you don't give a $hit....out with some buddies at a local brewery. Hit the gym, get jacked, my go to jams are pumpkins, foo fighters, Metallica, pearl jam! Get focused you all can do it!!!!
