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Westo,
I hope you won't decide to leave the forum, but if you do, I wish you all the best. Keeping up with your story has helped me a great deal the last few months. Ownit advised me to read up on your story. She seems to think our situations are somewhat similar.

I agree with the others ^^^ - that I don't think anyone is attempting to be your AA sponsor, etc. I think the red flag for me was you actually stating that you consider yourself an alcoholic.

I love a good glass of wine, so I'm with you there, but I think if I actually considered myself an alcoholic, I'd be worried. That's all.

(((((( Westo ))))))) I hope you stay around.


M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton

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Aww Leasue,

Thank you for posting. I've always known I'm an alcoholic, I just wanted to put it on here. I'm NOT dependant on it, I choose to drink red wine as I enjoy the taste and it actually makes me thinks about my sitch. The same as my walks do.

If my story helps you then I will stay...

I post mainly as a kind of diary, so if my marriage is restored then others can read what went wrong and what didn't.

The thought that someone is reading this, like you, helps me.

What are you doing to get you doing to get you through this?

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Woah......

You self-proclaimed yourself an alcoholic and it is influencing your actions. A friend, whether IRL or virtual might just touch upon the subject. Sotto did ever so lightly. Mentioned nothing about it impacting your M/R. I don't want to speak for her, but I am pretty positive her asking you about the drinking has everything to do with YOU and nothing with your H.

I am a silent follower. I know I like my glass of wine a night. I know I get drunk once in a blue moon with friends. I find no harm in enjoying the drink. You have been through the ringer.

But as soon as you broke out the defensiveness, then attacked, then want to leave anyone behind that mentions the drink, that was a huge alarm. Growing up with a mother for an addict and others around me this is the exact scenario that would always play out.

Yeah, I didn't save our M's. My ex went on to marry his OW he began dating when I was pregnant with our first and only child. They have been married 6 years. Guess I shouldn't be handing out marriage advice.

But people with substance abuse problems, I know all too much about that.

I open my mouth and speak directly because maybe one day you will remember what I said and it will help you. I don't think that day is now, right now you probably see me as some random online poster who has a failed marriage and has no idea what I am talking about and are probably saying this B!tch is totally out of line.

But maybe one day, it might help in the slightest. I was willing to take the risk.

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Ginger.....ffs it's not such a big deal.

Honestly. I said that to get it off my chest. Yes, I drink too much and its escalated since H left.

I have drank wine most nights for over twenty years. And?

It has nothing to do with the breakdown of my M.

I am only posting now as I'm hoping that I am a 'lighthouse' to others and see if it works x

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Having said the above,

Thank you Ginger for your visit....I mean it honestly xx

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Westo,

I do not want to offend you in any way because I do genuinely care about you and your family and want the best for all of you. If my postings offend you, I will be more than happy not to post on your threads again.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job,

Never, ever not post. I value your input more than you will ever know. You are a lifeline to me.....honestly.

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Westo, I asked the question out of love, not judgment. Your posting identified that you have a disease for which you are not seeking treatment. Had you indicated that you were not seeking treatment for the breast cancer, I would have asked a similar question.

The thing that appeals to me about Michelle's writing and this forum, is that it asks you to look at yourself and the issues that you have and how they have contributed to the breakdown of your relationships. I think the reasons for this are many, and are self-explanatory. At the end of the day, it behooves all of us to become better versions of ourselves.

I think it is perhaps wishful thinking to say that this particular disease has not contributed to the breakdown of your relationship. You have indicated that it has altered your behaviors in a way that has caused you to act out in a way you may not otherwise have. Right now you are dealing with a scared kitten who won't come in from the rain. Every "big" move you make delays your efforts in getting it to come to you. But even if this disease did not affect that relationship, it still affects your health and for that reason alone should be dealt with.

It sounds like you know that it has become a bigger problem and something you need to deal with. I know how much your H means to you and how much you mean to everyone here. I hope that you take that to heart in how you deal with this situation.

Regardless of your personal choices, we are all here pulling for you and hoping the best for you. Again, only love, no judgment.

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Hi Westo, I'm sorry if my postings have caused any difficulties & I won't post again if you don't find my input helpful. I do want to wish you all the very best though & I will be cheering you along in your journey.

Best regards, Sotto


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Quick update.

So the motor event happened and yes, he went back to OW when he said he wouldn't. Anyway he called this evening for his mail knowing I would ask what was going on.

For those who have followed my sitch, he had told his son that OW was moving to a new house and he wasn't moving with her andthat he couldn't stand to be near her and so he's working all the hours he can.

Last week my SIL messaged me saying that his Mum also knew he was moving out of OW house and it's only a matter of time that he would be back with me.

He did turn up earlier with a suitcase of clothes he's put in the garage. He also told me that when he came back from the event late at night (he said he would call) he drove past the house, knowing I was up. I asked why he didn't you call in. His answer? " well that's because my heads all over the place".

He said that last Friday he drove around with all his stuff in his van and texted OW to say he wasn't coming back and staying with his parents. Her daughter rang him begging him to come back and talk to her Mum as she was crying. Which he did.

He told me tonight that there is a hold up on her new house, but he wants to fulfill his promise of moving her in. She doesn't know he's not moving with her. He doesn't want to stay with his parents.

He says he will stay at a Premier Inn for a week when he does. I said I don't have a problem with him sleeping on the sofa.......but I don't really know how I feel about that.

I did tell him though that I have never asked him to leave OW but if and when he does....it's done without guilt on his behalf.

I had to pretend I didn't know anything about the other house as that info came from my SS.

I post this update for people who are going through similar things. Please don't ask about the alcohol....I'm 56 years old. I'm not a kid, I came here for support about my marriage, nothing else.

I want my posts to be a kind of guidance and one day I really hope mine will be added to the restored marriage thread.

Or maybe not....time will tell.

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