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This guy is bad to the bone. Keep that in mind. Every time you want to take him back tell yourself what you would say to me if I said the same thing.

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Mine just forwarded me a fraud alert from our credit card. company Nothing else. Just that. First I've heard from him in three weeks. I texted back his standard "??" (I don't even know whether they were his charges). No response of course. I hate him today. These are the days I prefer.

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Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc

But that's okay. He's not my problem anymore. Your post only mildly annoyed me. Then I decided to take it on as a project.

Then i got to vent, so thanks!

Hope you get that
Absolutely. Glad I was able to "help" laugh


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Quote:
I think he called your brother either because he knows he's been ridiculous or the lawyer has fired him because he doesn't want to be on the wrong side of a contempt charge or H isn't paying the bill, or they asked for a big retainer for what's coming up. In other words, BECAUSE DOING SO IS GOOD FOR H RIGHT NOW!!!


Yeah, pretty likely that his lawyer, who is probably fed up with him, gave him a preview of how this settlement hearing is likely to go, and H is trying to see if he can negotiate a better deal with you directly.

I wouldn't get into a big discussion with him, but your brother could tell him that he's free to send a settlement offer to you for your consideration. Then you can take it to your attorney to discuss. I'd get all negotiations in writing, I wouldn't talk to him directly. Don't give him the opportunity to try to manipulate you.

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Originally Posted By: AndrewP
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc

But that's okay. He's not my problem anymore. Your post only mildly annoyed me. Then I decided to take it on as a project.

Then i got to vent, so thanks!

Hope you get that
Absolutely. Glad I was able to "help" laugh


I hope you can NOW see all of your wife's views as --- well, her views...

I put it thru the semi Universal BS translator...

Own, yes it's not a bad development that he reached out to my brother.

If I get a script for an anti anxiety med I might be able to get thru a chat with h

but mind you, there was NO mention of the arrearages, no mention of the joint funds he took and the Army backpay, which he also kept....oh yeah, that

As for drugs, sure anything is possible, but that group (and groups like them) are big drug testers. H has been tested at least monthly for decades and they don't fool around.

the partners would be liable if someone fell thru the cracks.

I appreciate your faith that I could stay calm but we would really have to stick to the dollars and THAT is his weakness.

he always thinks he does not have enough and people are taking HIS money, etc.

But maybe I can call my L and say "let's a number. Here is mine and what it is based on."


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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PS

any idea what to say if h says his hurry is 1) the money!! - too bad you took MY half

and or 2) is remarrying Schmoopie.

On #2 I think I'd say "of course you are" and move on...


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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"remarrying Schmoopie"

meaning, he wants to marry his OW.

Because really he does have to. Otherwise he blew up a family and long marriage just for the tundra?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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25, you are wonderful, strong, and resilient. You'll get thru this. Take it one step at a time.

If you aren't happy with your lawyer, if she's not aggressive enough for you, change. Talk to the partner. You need someone you see eye to eye with.

Talking to h does no harm. Don't agree to anything, and mostly listen. But remember, he's full of $hit.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
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filed 7/16
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25,

I say this with love.

Let the process play out. You can't control this.

I think you are like me, in that you spent so many years covering for him that you've gotten used to the idea that you can control your environment. It's hard to acknowledge that that was a mirage. (At least to some extent).

I like the idea of your being able to *text or email* that you received the message through your brother and that Dr. Alaska is free to send you a settlement offer which you will take seriously. Take it straight to your lawyer since that is, after all, what you're paying her for. Tell her what you think of it and carry on.

Don't worry about Dr. Alaska's motives. You don't have enough information to use them against him and they will only keep you spinning.

I would give you a hug if I could. You seem like you could use one.

I want to repeat to you that YOU WILL BE OK REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME HERE. I feel like you are in the trees, which is appropriate for the moment, but it is calming to remember the forest. And the mountains beyond it. And the ocean beyond that.

Do not let Dr. Alaska steal any more of your peace of mind. For all anyone can tell, he just made that phone call to unsettle you and give you hope before the settlement conference. We can not mind read one way or the other till we know how serious his actual offer is.

PS don't you think he HAD to play the self-pity card to get your brother to listen to him? I mean, rage would have gotten him no where. And if he is marrying Schmoopie? That's a kick in the teeth and no mistake. But it tells you very clearly who he is and that gives you clarity, even with the pain.

If there's anything I can do to help I will. But I know for sure that you will be OK.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Originally Posted By: Jim1234
25, you are wonderful, strong, and resilient. You'll get thru this. Take it one step at a time.

If you aren't happy with your lawyer, if she's not aggressive enough for you, change. Talk to the partner. You need someone you see eye to eye with.

Talking to h does no harm. Don't agree to anything, and mostly listen. But remember, he's full of $hit.


Jim, thanks for stopping by. Changing lawyers now for me is too pricey at this point. I'm nearing the finish line, or going to trial, and starting all over with a new L And going to trial could cost upwards of $100K. The partner is not absent from the case, just advisory but willing to take over completely for a higher hourly rate.

Since he and my primary L work together I don't feel the need to switch to him officially. And btw, in court I've prevailed twice. It's enforcing it that troubles me and in the L's defense, h plays dirty.

My plan is to ask my CFP friend to come up with present value of a lump sum versus 5 years of alimony

(for a 35 year m he should applaud me)

and giving my L that number. Also, b/c of some overly complicated (for this site ) issues with military pensions and possible disability of h (for tinnitus and sleep apnea, not exactly an amputation & don't get me started on that )

I could lose some money down the road, forever. THAT piece is for my L to work out or for me to risk - and factor in.

There are arrearages and marital assets h "forgot" to give me, insurance policies he cancelled in violation of the rulings, etc. He may end up balking and storming out.

Thing is, I don't trust myself at the moment. I have not known about OW for very long, or the depth of the money issues until about a month ago. And cutting off our d20 for college and not speaking to the kids -- Jesus,

but it's all water under the bridge.

Still, realistically, it would be a real challenge for me not to say anything about that when h invariably plays the victim

It would be hard for me not to blurt out a flurry of spew.

Own, I know what you mean about just calling h, but my brother is smart and realistic and he's no friend of h's and it might help us...I'm not ready to dump MY L's.

Maybe h doesn't feel like hiring another one for HIM. He had one in Alaska (which cost a h $5k for them to say "we are not licensed where 25 filed, so...see ya, Oh, and pay up!")


Oh, and h's call to my brother did not mention or make me think he means a recon. It was about money and not forking it over to L's.

If I interpret it correctly, h's feeling sorry for HIMSELF due to the losses HE is experiencing, not for the sorrow for damage he inflicted.

Sigh...I'm suddenly exhausted. Weird.






M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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