25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

I do have an insurable interest b/c of the pension and spousal support.

But I'd prefer a buyout from our retirement accounts for the spousal support and leave the pension in place.

As an aside, the pension from the Army can be lowered IF H claims disability which he is

and that is not divisible as marital property.

It changes if he's rated at 50% or higher. Not to overcomplicate things but what it means is that

if he qualifies at half or more then we both get it. No problem.

Congress decided amputees (no, h is not) should not be punished but neither should wives with 35 years in.

If it's a partial disability - liker most, I could lose out of 1/4 and that is worst case scenario, so

my L wants me to get more up front to deal with that risk.

We'll see

[Maybell]

On the DB FB page, I posted a response to the Victor Frankl quote with a sentence at included the word stimuli.

[25yearsmlc]

On the DB FB page, I posted a response to the Victor Frankl quote with a sentence at included the word stimuli.

Maybell, sorry but I'm baffled by this^^. Is it a way to touch base irl?


Also, my L called and we played phone tag. Ugh. Can't be good news...and the stress sets in.

And I EAT MORE!

Nothing unhealthy there, eh? Okay, deep breaths. I was invited to a concert of a singer I know only a few songs of, (not really my genre but no biggie).

In reality I feel like hovering inside all weekend and "getting ready" for my d's to visit for a family wedding. Which is code for pretending to be too busy to GAL.

But I am intent on GAL and one of the simplest (not easiest, but not complicated) is to say yes to all invites.

So concert time tomorrow.

Cross your fingers for good (or not too crappy) news from my L. My guess is that a half a$$ offer is coming OR I've dropped the ball on something again

OR just another legal bill...

I am going to ask mt L what exactly is supposed to happen for all this money. Since Jan 31, which yielded an apparently unenforceable ruling, nothing has happened but delays. A wage garnishment that got me 2 checks before H 'retired,"


And btw here is a useless question with no "good" answer. HOW can h not wonder what our d20 is doing for college?

Remember he cut her off. He has no idea s31 did all that work that got his sister almost a full ride.

Oh yeah, h either is too preoccupied in his new life with schmoopie and HER kid,

or feels uncomfy and thus, won't reach out

AND OR sees himself as the object of pity b/c I turned the kids against him (again??)

and he is unable to pick up a phone to text or call or write a letter.

Okay, I answered my own question. Went down Cheeseless tunnel boulevard again.

((( )))

[25yearsmlc]

I found the page and quote, but that's all. Am I missing something?

[kml]

I never once went to a concert that I regretted. ALWAYS go to live music!

[exquisitetobe]

Maybell in the comments.. " stimuli "

[Maybell]

Yes, in the comments I wrote a response. That's how I can be found irl.

[PsySara]

Hey 25, just checking in with you. I find myself seething towards your husband, a stranger on the internet! lol I am reading your wisdom carefully though, just in case this is my future as well.

[Treasur]

The only blessing about your H being so horrible during the divorce process is that it will cure you of any lingering desire to reconcile. I'm actually grateful that my ex was such a jerk. It finally allowed me to let go, and I wouldn't have him back for any sum of money.

So sorry, 25. It is hard and frustrating, I know. My MLCer is certainly coming out to play! I think we all reflect on how to balance the person in front of us with who we think they were, especially after a long M. I see MLC as being a pendulum really that releases a shadow side of our spouses, particularly if they are still in Replay. But in the short-term, and in a L process, it doesn't matter - we just have to deal with the current persona. It's extraordinary how destructive and self-centred they are.

Hugs from the UK x

[25yearsmlc]

Hi all

thanks for checking in on me, I appreciate it a lot.

[quote=kml]The only blessing about your H being so horrible during the divorce process is that it will cure you of any lingering desire to reconcile. I'm actually grateful that my ex was such a jerk. It finally allowed me to let go, and I wouldn't have him back for any sum of money.

[color:#3333FF]
I think this^^ is really true. I don't think I'm merely consoling myself saying it.

I had a dream that h and I were driving somewhere (& we had reconciled I think). So I dropped him off somewhere and he was very nice getting out of the car. I think we kissed goodbye and then we waved bye.

Then when I began to drive, I got really furiously mad at him all over again. Not in a "present" way but in the dream it was just me thinking about the past.

Weird, eh? Okay I'm not proposing some new brilliant insight, okay? I mean this is not a mystery but still, I want to say what I think out loud.

I think it's my subconscious saying "hey 25, this really is over. It has to be over, No matter what." because some things cannot be forgotten or unknown, even when we want them to be.

I have changed...and I cannot be around someone for whom I periodically feel physically sick with fury, betrayal & disgust.

I wonder about us ever becoming friends or even cordial. Honestly folks, how do you do that? For my kids sake, I would want that. But how do you overlook this amount of - for lack of a better word, "treachery"?

For my kids and for me & my own health, I would like NOT to feel this anger. When I imagine my life as I want it to be, including full detachment, I imagine feeling pity for h.

Maybe pity for them is a mark of detachment ---- if it doesn't manifest as co-dependence on my end.