This November, she will have walked out the door 11 years. I still miss her. I miss having my family together and the vacations and other activities we took together. My young children are now adults. I love my "wife" although we are divorced. In sickness and in health? For better or for worse.
When friends ask me why I am not dating, I don't bother to tell them about standing. I tell them I am not interested. I dont want to deal with drama or issues with my "gf" family. That is true but also because my waiting on also depends on my relationship with God. I don't feel He is done. With me, with her, our children...
If He told me to move on, I would. If He told me, she is never coming back but I want you to be on your own, thats good enough for me. I keep feeling like He wants me to wait.
Trust me it is hard. She was my best friend. When she walked out (and yes there were problems in years past but believe it or not things got better over the previous year but she had already made up her mind) I lost my very best friend. Yes, she was at fault but so was I. Both of us made mistakes. Oh how I would do things differently if I could including how I reacted when she wanted to leave. It has changed me. I deal with people differently. I really don't trust anyone with expressing how i feel at any given moment. I was too open before. Yes, I am guarded. I realized I dont have to share everything. It doesnt mean I am closed off to people. I still show love to others especially my children.
With her, I respectfully leave her alone. We rarely talk anymore especially since our kids are all out of high school.
Just today, I asked her what our daughter would like (for her 25th birthday) because my daughter will not tell me what she wants (dad, you already do too much for me, she says). And my "wife" says "I think she would really like ..."
She is pleasant with me. And thats about it.
I really miss her at times.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
