For 20+ years every decision every move i made was for my family. Im there for my son and daughter but things just keep getting worse.
My s tries to stay in contact with is mom. She will make plans to talk with him then will not answer phone. He has started to want to check up on her if she blows him off or sends a text then shuts off phone.
Daughter seems to be doing the best of us all i know she hasn't read any of my DB books but she has her GAL activities down pat..
Back to why im failing ...we did check on the w she was not at MIL
Train completely came of the track tonight multiply phone calls by my son to w no response.
Ilost patience i called a few times only good think voice mailbox was full so i couldnt leave a message. I did text her but by that time had myself in a little better frame of mind.
She will know we have checked up on her and i beleive my S did leave a few messages..
I have had limited contact over last 4 days and it is very easy to have your imagination get the better of you.
Im stuggling to understand this...
w leaves no talk of devorce, other then cloths and not much of them has not moved forward with anything else. Is all over the map with contact. Will convince herself kids kids do not want to spend time with her even though the try and plan things and are in contact everyday.
She Has stayed strong in our church (attendance). Sits in the same row as us,
One or two comments back i mentioed telling her to stay away.
Boundaries Question
Should i discuss the issue of contact with the kids?
It has been 7-8 months with some change in contact but no real change in what the w actually is moving towards.
Is it a common thing for a waw to leave and just go into a holding pattern with no real end game.
Iknow there are comments like they always have a plan in place, my w seemed to run but then settle back into same behavior patterns..
Im truly at a loss on how to continue my GAL has taken a hit over last few days more concered with my S and where his thoughts are at.
Have been keeping my distance from w. Lost my temper a few days back with her told her I wasn't going to help or even try to explain to the kids what she was doing it was all on her. i startyto tell her it's one thing for her to be rude to me then actually stopped mid sentence. Looked at her and said actually no there is no time when either of us have the right to be rude to each other. We are supposed to be here for the kids not the other way around.
W has been regular on the phone to the kids since the exchange and has asked to be included on a family outing.
I have talked and only saw her once in 4 days she smiled at me then started to break down said she needed time to fix herself I again lost patience and said not at the expense of me or the kids. I left before I said anything else. The kids have mentioned she does ask Them how I'm doing and she has them pass messages like have a good night or good day.
I know she is going through a lot but I find when I am around her my temper is short.
I love this lady and I'm getting sick of not being able to tell her or show her. She still has no social life to speak of and says on numerous occasions she wants to be back home then goes back to the I need to be alone to fix myself line.
Tomorrow should be interesting invited to a big birthday party that wife is invited to also. Received text from her tonight asking if I was going when I didn't respond she texted again saying she was looking forward to seeing me. I texted back the yes I would be there.
I think a early morning ride on the back roads will get my mind right for the afternoon.
Right now, I feel the ball is in your court. And it may be short lived. So pay attention.
DO NOT TEXT HER AGAIN. Go out on your ride in the morning, clear your head, and if it feels right, go to the party. But IF IT DOESN'T, DON'T GO. And DO NOT send a text explaining why you didn't, etc.
Be a little mysterious, and on a personal note that is none of my business, I hope you will be too BUSY with GAL to attend the party, YES, even after you texted and said you would be there.
It may be the very thing that drives her to wonder where you are, and who you are with, and WHO COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HER?
But if that doesn't happen, then so be it. You ARE NOT having other, more important plans, b/c of her, but b/c of YOU. Your life is so full, you don't have time to work this party in.... hopefully you see what I'm saying, with all my heart...... but do what is right for you.
I just feel like I need to talk, since I posted my heart out today, and no one has responded yet, but I know how this board goes.... if your sitch is not interesting or urgent, people tend to sit back and just read but not respond, but they have no idea what a response would mean to you.
Just sayin, I know how you feel, and I'm wishing you all the very best.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
I know how you feel. I make post with no response and I go on people's thread and offer advice all the time.
North,
I agree Le, skip this party. I know you told her you were going. But I think it's in your favor if you dont attend. If W ask why, tell her something more important came up. I think Le is right about the ball being in your court, don't let it go back in hers.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Early early morning ride thanks again Joejoe and Leah. My phone is off just as soon as I finish typing. My day will be GAL all day time to put 500 or more on the bike. Enjoy your Sunday a good day to reflect on life. And as Leah put it WE LIVE.
