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kml Offline
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Quote:
When Matt is scared, he says stupid shid


People who AREN'T racist do NOT say racist stuff when they're scared or off-balance. People who are normally good at HIDING their racism say racist stuff when stressed or off balance.

Still a dealbreaker for me.

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I agree w/kml 100%. When people are stressed they tend to spew what is actually on their mind or how they feel about certain things. If he didn't have these thoughts, he wouldn't have blurted them out.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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LoisB Offline OP
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Just checking in...

Jury is still out. He has 30 days clean, and he got the new job where he will be drug tested. This job is part of his plan to move away from OW.

I'm hearing the guy I used to love. The anger seems to be lifting as he continues to do things, which build his self-esteem. He hasn't mentioned counseling yet. Therapy is one of the terms of our agreement, if he comes to visit for Christmas.

For today, I'm enjoying the progress, but remain focused on my super full, busy life.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Awesome update!

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Great news...but I hate to sound like a Debbie Downer...but it's only been a month...he's got to prove himself and stay on the path of recovery for at least 12-18 months. He definitely has to earn your trust and respect back. After all, he really did a number of you and the girls and hasn't been there for them for a very long time and now since he's seen you are succeeding and are happy, he wants part of that action. Heather, I know you are a smart lady...but be cautious when it comes to him. As the old saying goes "the proof is in the pudding".

Keep the focus on you and your girls. He's got his own journey to complete...


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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LoisB Offline OP
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I agree Job. We are quite a ways from reconciliation, or even a point where he'd be a regular fixture in the kids' lives.

I'm still going to enjoy today though. It's been a really long time since he had 30 days clean.

I guess, from my perspective, the things he thought would make him happy... drugs, OW, life free of kids and other responsibility proved to be as empty as we all know they are. And, now, he sees his family getting back to loving life. There ain't no such think as a happy drug addict/MLC-er. I'd like to think it's not so much he wants to ride our coattails, but more like we've created something worth working toward.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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LoisB Offline OP
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Hit submit too soon...

Not that we weren't worth it before, but our lives are different now. I'm different. I KNOW my value. I'm not giving myself away for nothing anymore. I expect more. And, I will not put everything we've worked so hard for disappear for the sake of someone with 30 days.

The jury is still out. I've traveled this road many times with this same addict. This time, however, I KNOW I will be fine without him.

Yet, whenever they wake up, even if it's just for 30 days, it's nice. And, it's nice to have some good news come from his direction.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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I am keeping you, your family and your xh in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that he's finally hit bottom and come to realize that you and the girls were the diamonds in the tiara. He still has a ways to go and I hope, that in the months ahead, he can make amends and be there for all of you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you Job :-)

I'm not making any changes in my life, with the exception of allowing him in a bit for conversations and texts. I'm also asking for some more support with money items related to the girls.

Right now, I'm enjoying his progress and attention, but our lives are steady and sane.

One observation: I want to feel I'm able to completely be myself in my next relationship. I want to be able to RELAX and be myself. I want someone who doesn't judge me, or hold me up to ridiculous expectations. I want someone who values me for my good qualities, without comparing me to some stereotype of what I'm "supposed" to be. I'm not sure if Matt can accomplish this for me. But, for me, that's a hill I will die on--after all we've been through.

The racist/political B.S. is addict anger. There were two sorta subtle, psuedo-political remarks, and one about millenials--which was stupid.

Part of the addict Boy Scout Motto... "I will hate everyone and everyone will hate me, because I will behave obnoxiously and hurt people in whatever way I'm able." Not to mention, I will placed ridiculous judgments on people, so no one will judge my own insane behavior.

It dissipates when people learn to love themselves again and feel some integrity. Still, time will tell. He's a dangerous mission, and I haven't agreed to take it on today. I will quietly live my life and support him when he chooses light vs. dark.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Just checking in:

I'm doing well. Just finished a big project, or, at least I'm almost done.

As far as ex-H:

-More than 60 days clean.
-He started a new job with drug testing passed the initial test. -He was super funny-took some at-home tests, but still worried 43 days clean wasn't enough.
-Just when I think--that's it, we won't hear from him again--he says/does something to renew my confidence.
-We started a four-way text message this week--sorta slowly, SLOWLY allowing him back in the fold. Wary, cautious, but the kids were thrilled to be able to joke and have fun--even via text.
-60 days does not a year make, but taking things slowly-still glad he is in Ohio and we are here.
-Received a very sweet card today-addressed to me-with money for our daughter's class.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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