If you go to thewrap dot com and search for "Joss Whedon hypocrite feminist" you will find an article written by his ex-wife. Basically, while he was publicly a feminist and seemed like an all-round good guy, when their marriage of 16 years broke up, she learned that he had been cheating on her - repeatedly - throughout their marriage, and totally gaslighting her about it. She talks about the effect that this had on her, and how long it took her to recover. Something that I think many of us here could relate to.
My ex, on a much lesser scale, did this to me in the early years of our marriage - concealing at first the fact that he slept with an old girlfriend the night before our wedding (I discovered this about 6 months in when I found his diary) and then, for the next several years, concealing the fact that she had gotten pregnant and had an abortion while we were on our honeymoon (found this fact out from her husband when I was 9 months pregnant with our second child).
His subsequent affair years later of course involved lying as well, and I can't help but think that once someone has gone down that road of keeping a gigantic lie to themselves in a marriage, that it must get easier to consider doing it again.
I must seem like an idiot to have then gotten into another relationship with a man who also lied to me throughout our relationship (honestly, I am not normally gullible!). I think Joss Whedon's comments (as quoted by his ex) provide an interesting window into the brain f someone who would do this.
Last edited by job; 08/24/1709:44 AM. Reason: edited a word for kml
Watching the flooding in Houston and hoping no one here is affected. I can't imagine what these flood victims are going through- and most people simply don't have the money to make up for losing your car and all your belongings, being unemployed for days or weeks.
Not impacted but one of my coworkers is headed down to TX to work with FEMA on evaluating damages. She had to pack and bring a lot of her own food because that is uncertain where she's going to be.
It makes dealing with lying cheating exes and single parenting seem like Easy Street. Stay safe, friends.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
So, got some home repair items checked off my list this weekend . Installed the new dishwasher rack that I found and ordered off the internet (had to transfer the wheels from the old one). And finally found and ordered replacement cabinet hinges (mine aren't available at the usual sources). Little things, but now that I'm single again it feels good to be able to manage things on my own. Girl power!
My best friend is also friends with another woman (who, randomly, turns out to be a middle school classmate of mine). I've heard this whole story second hand through my friend, but it is a cautionary tale about catfishimg.
Said woman is my age, 61 or 62. 2 or 3 years ago, she was unhappily married to an unfaithful husband. Online, she ended up in contact (supposedly) with a man she had known years ago in school.
He encouraged her to end her marriage, encouraged her to quit her job (they were going to move together to Arizona or some such and open up an art gallery - he is ostensibly an artist). For 2 years this online relationship has been going on - BUT. They have never met in real life. He doesn't email or text. They each have "private" blogs that the other can see and post blog posts that are aimed at the other person, obliquely.
He supposedly was in a nearby town for Xmas, but of course couldn't make it to see her. He was supposedly traveling in Uruguay at one point. He supposedly has commitment issues.
It all is very very obviously a catfishing situation. Either this guy is married, or has a SO, or is just a manipulator. He may not even be who he supposedly is. I hope to god she hasn't sent him any money.
And yet, apparently, whenever my friend tres to broach the subject with her, she makes excuses for him. She's hooked on the fantasy, and can't see what is as plain as day. She's blown up her martiage and her job and put herself in financial jeopardy.
So for all of you out there in dating land - someone who doesn't call text and email, who always has an excuse for why they can't meet you in person, who thrills you with tails of exotic travels or seems to be making a living at something unlikely (like fine art!) - Think CATFISH! Demand proof. Use Tineye or similar app to see if their photos exist elsewhere on the web. And DONT make life changing decisions based on somebody you haven't seen in person!
If they put any restrictions on when you can call or how you can contact them - they're married!!!!!
Last edited by job; 09/13/1707:16 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
And while we're on the subject of lies - an employee just discovered today that her live-in boyfriend of three years has been lying about the fact that he has FOUR kids, not two with his ex-wife!
Supposedly she and the kids live across the country and he goes to visit them once a year. He's only ever shown her pictures of him with his two boys. He says he doesn't like to talk about his kids because it's too painful. Recently his wages got garnished for child support. That's how she started to get suspicious.
Not the first time she's caught him in a lie - two years ago she found out he didn't have a driver's license, after he'd been driving her car! he claimed it was because of too many unpaid tickets, but I'm betting he had a DUI she doesn't know about.
Saddest part is, she was married for many years to a man who turned out to be gay and had hidden it from her for their whole marriage.
I was listening to NPR and a scientist was talking about her work on survivors of Hurricane Katrina and she was talking about Post Traumatic Growth - how a big trauma could sometimes lead to dramatic personal growth. And I thought - that's US!!!!!
Liars definatly suck! The worst are the ones that just dont tell you unless you ask the right questions and then they can fo on living and feeling like they are good honest people. (My ex was a double lifer and he wasted my tine and youth)
Ive heard the term post traumatic growth. I know i have grown, i know i am different but not quite sure how...
I think maybe i dont get anxious or sweat the small stuff like i used to, since my whole scale in life switched. For example, im not really stressed about doing an upcoming presentation for a bunch of higher ups about a service i offer because i know, its really not a big deal in the scheme of things.
And oddly enough - he's not! At least not right this minute. LAPD admits to mistakenly releasing that information. Don't get me wrong - he's likely to die soon, pulled off life support and on a Do Not Resuscitate order. But not dead yet (and a tweet from his daughter to Rolling Stone blasting them for reporting that).
Which brings to mind another great song of his: Well, I won't back down No, I won't back down You can stand me up at the gates of hell But I won't back down No, I'll stand my ground Won't be turned around And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down Gonna stand my ground And I won't back down (I won't back down) Hey, baby, there ain't no easy way out (I won't back down) Hey, I will stand my ground And I won't back down Well I know what's right I got just one life In a world that keeps on pushin' me around But I'll stand my ground And I won't back down (I won't back down) Hey, baby, there ain't no easy way out (I won't back down) Hey, I… Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out (I won't back down) Hey, I won't back down (I won't back down) Hey, baby, there ain't no easy way out (I won't back down) Hey, I will stand my ground And I won't back down No, I won't back down Songwriters: Jeff Lynne / Tom Petty
