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I may listen and at times vLidate but i have not offered idea's or solutions to any of W concerns.


Good to hear, b/c some women resent the H for always jumping to the conclusion her talking to him means her seeking his help. A lot of men are "fixers". Many of their jobs require them to fix something. When they go home and the W begins talking about her day......maybe complaining about something particularly, the H thinks that's his cue to tell her how to deal with the problem. However, she just wants him to hear her.......not tell her how to fix it. It is extremely frustrating to women. Therefore, look into her eyes when she is talking, nod your head to let her know you are interested, and validate her feelings.......and do not tell what she should do, unless she asks. That's a win - win solution.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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So last 4 or 5 interactions with w have been good. She is showing more signs of being social and i believe things have ended on a good note also.

I have been ready alot on the forum. I see ware people set up boundaries about house visits. My situation hasnt changed since the day my w walkout. She took very little at the time and has been very quick to want finances and bill payments to stay status quo.

Just rushing things again i guess. Spending to much time thinking about my next step to fix this...

Back to the vacation and more reading


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Originally Posted By: Nrthman
I have a lady friend i feel i could share anything with im not physically attracked

Yea, that is pretty close to the definition of a EA. wink

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Why if i can find a way to connect with a female friend is it so hard to find a common ground with the w.

This is where some counseling or therapy would be beneficial. Also, while I have not read it, many here swear by the Five love language book.

Quote:
Because i have so much contact with my w do you think asking a question like "do you enjoy these small interactions with me and the familly and if so would you like to add anything to them?" Be a smart thing to do
I wouldn't, it sounds like pursuit.

However, just for fun: play it out in your head (in one of your next posts take a guess what her answers could be, and the ramifications of each answer. (this is just for fun, don't develop this all time... as its actually trying for some mind reading)

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Woundedfool do you have a active thread at this time
Not really, if you caught the renewed interest I posted a little while back... that is about it.

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i have read up on your history with the renewed contact of your w imvery intsrested in how this may affect some of your choices going forward
I don't think it has had any effect. I don't want to seem indifferent to it, but I am still in the mode of believing 1/2 of what I see, and none of what I hear from/about her.

Turns out I have become very happy with who I am, and where I am headed. And I credit much of that to learning about DB.

Quote:
thanks again for your comments and suggestions.
No problem! The trade off is I come cheap.


Me: 43
M: 10y
S:15
ILYBINILWY 2/18/13
W moved out 2/18/13
Filed for D: 2/17/13
Got DB: 2/20/13
Got DR: 2/23/13
180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13
D Final Dec '13
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I don't know what agreements, if any, were met about finances. Why would you pay for her bills after she moved out?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Nrthman Offline OP
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[[quote]quote=sandi2]I don't know what agreements, if any, were met about finances. Why would you pay for her bills after she moved out?
[color:#FF9966][/color]

Actually she pays some of the household bills. I do not finance any of her activities outside the home.


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Vacation is going well mostly just relaxing. W seems to be contacting me more and i see a change in how she is interacting with the kids and poeple in general. She asks permission for almost everything she does,. This kind of freaks me out a bit..and she is saying thank you for any little thing the kids or i do.

The more i act indifferent to her the more she wants to be part of the family activities...

As i mentioned before she has not been looking after herself today she spent the afternoon and evening with us. She was well groomed and fully engaged with the kids and me. Very thankful and actually having fun and laughing with the kids.

By the time we said our goodbyes i was just about at my breaking point as the day progressed the more i worried and started to overthink every action and comment she made. The what ifs and mind reading was switched on and autopilot was a full go.


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Originally Posted By: Nrthman
The more i act indifferent to her the more she wants to be part of the family activities...


It is so counter intuitive, but isn't it amazing how this DB principle works?


Me: 43
M: 10y
S:15
ILYBINILWY 2/18/13
W moved out 2/18/13
Filed for D: 2/17/13
Got DB: 2/20/13
Got DR: 2/23/13
180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13
D Final Dec '13
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Nrthman Offline OP
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So true wf..

DB works with the kids two. I have limited the mr fix when it comes to the kids also. The are really stepping up and helping with things and i see positive growth from them too.

Slow and stead may win this race afterall.

Although we keep the W informed about planned activities we leave it up to her if she att3nds or not. After missing out on two events with us and being suprised we went she has been quick to arrange so she can go. Always is thankful and we are actually getting smiles from her...

Hopefully gone are the days where she convinces herself that people dont want to do things with her this was her attitude pre BD


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Vacation is going good lots of reading. Some really awesome bbq. Bike tours. Back road car tours and of course the odd cool one!!

Best week i have had in 6 months.


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That's good to hear!


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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