I do get flashes of great husband but they are exactly that and too few and far between. So so sad. He is in there but I fear never to return. I still haven't crashed since the news and don't think I will; so, that is progress.
Was wondering if he is revisiting early replay or is just absolutely bonkers. I fear for his big crash if it ever comes and will I ever know if and when it does. Need to put that drop down oxygen mask on myself first and cut the cord on his. Lol.
If he is going through early replay again it is interesting that now I can kind of watch it without feeling the drama of first time around when I was wondering and trying to figure out what was happening.
Bad news if he is now taking up gambling or was he just there to hook up with Olga the Ukrainian? Will he get back with the cleaning lady? I guess I am taking delight in the crash of the cleaning lady relationship as I was beginning to think that maybe I was wrong and the relationship was strong and legitimate.
I have also now lost my way of financially tracking his many many holidays and weekends away. Also, he NEVER takes cash out of the bank. I know they do cash deals with the company and they will be impossible to trace. I have been keeping my ATM receipts to prove all cash withdrawals are mine. Would a legal person ever believe that he never uses cash? It's not impossible but highly unlikely.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
Citygirl, just catching up on your thread. Wow, you really do have a lot to put up with. What makes these normally rational men to suddenly go crazy and hook up with the mist unsuitable women! It's unreal!
I also live in the South West trains area... :0)
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
So, haven't been writing much but reading tons. Think I can just cut and paste Treasur's posts on mine. Hope that doesn't make me appear like a stalker!
Still haven't heard from H regarding mediation and will need to make decision this week of filing the nuclear option of going through the courts. My instincts are usually pretty good and do think Olga the Ukrainian is going to get pregnant. H off on a jaunt to see her. Plus think she will be a very expensive distraction.
When did he turn so seedy and disgusting and sexually obsessed? Does this have to do with his childhood sexual abuse? The new H is just so "ICK" and immature? Really feel like his latest action of being on vacation with OW2 and Meeting OW3 on the ship I still can't get my head around. In the long run, have not given up on OW2 coming back in the picture if things explode with Olga.
My H has always been to trusting and naive and now he has hormones fueling him. Oye vey! Got to get off the crazy train.
Radio silence from him. To be expected. He has clearly moved on to a "better life."
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
Haven't posted much as not much happening and emotions have kind of dulled. Think getting the Nisi and learning of his dramatic exit from OW2 to OW3 and already off to the Ukraine has actually helped. It confirmed in cement how messed up he is and how OW2 got what she deserved. Wouldn't be surprised if things don't go well with OW3 that he will bounce back to OW2 so preparing for that.
I feel like I am just numb to it all. The man I married and loved and adored and vice versa has vanished. Maybe I will be lucky to get out and his crash and burning will be devastating. More that he is a fool for giving up someone who knew many of his issues and could have supported him and loved him through healing if he had wanted to confront his demons and vanquish them.
Had an email tonight from him about mediation which I started the process and he didn't respond until Mediator sent him a letter. Am too tired and really feel nothing. Will respond later.
Is that an unintentional 180? Feeling apathy? Or part of the healing process. Not really feeling any anger just exhaustion and ......... apathy. That must be my word of the day.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
I do think apathy is a necessary part of not caring (by definition). I was so obsessed with getting my separation contract and now I just don't care what he does. I'll continue to find ways to organize my life around not needing anything from him. In those instances where I can't get by, I'll just send him a paper to sign. So far he's been doing that.
I had the same thoughts. I knew his issues and was willing to help him with them. How could that not mean anything. How could it be more satisfying to live a series of lives with people who will really never know you or care about you. Oh well, too late for all of that. Gotta focus on other stuff now.
Wouldn't it be nice to be with a guy who had a lot less baggage?
Ah, yes, but I think we all have baggage now. Maybe a man with light luggage would be the find.
Woke up now with all this mediation correspondence in my head. Wish he would just go away sometimes. He pops up at the worst times. Am leaving on trip tomorrow and have a million things to do and instead of looking forward to holiday am stressed and now have to add email response and another talk with attorney. Ching Ching. Hate feeling anxious.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
It's understandable that we all get to the point of just being tired of the drama really. Don't know if it's apathy, but the person we knew is invisible really, so it's just dealing with the crappy fallout. And few sane people would get excited and skippy about that kind of admin!
I think we initiate things or deal with them when we feel strong enough to do so. Most of our spouses then add an extended period of inactivity before they throw a few odd spanners in, don't they? and by then, our mindset is different or we're dealing with other stuff. It is frustrating.
What's the anxiety about?
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Actually, just occurred to me that my crazy H popped up in June literally the day before I was heading off for my first holiday in 18 months...weird...no way he could have known.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Wouldn't be surprised if things don't go well with OW3 that he will bounce back to OW2 so preparing for that.
Or off to OW4. Wow, he's on quite the ride through Crazy Town! Glad you're not on the ride with him!
Quote:
I feel like I am just numb to it all. The man I married and loved and adored and vice versa has vanished.
I think that's the hardest part for many of us is accepting that our former spouse is well and truly gone. That is the case for many of us- it isn't a matter of our spouse just changing their mind and they need to change it back again, it is a situation where -they- have changed in deep and significant ways. They really are not the person we married and knew before.
Quote:
Is that an unintentional 180? Feeling apathy? Or part of the healing process. Not really feeling any anger just exhaustion and ......... apathy.
You're dropping the rope. There will be times where you pick it back up again, but eventually even that will stop.
