Job was absolutely right. I have built up anger, disappointment and frustration, so I took her advice on a vent thread. Because I have been bottling it up because I have not wanted to admit I have these feelings.
Oh, but I do. Like I couldn't tell you how much it p!sses me off that my ex went to my volleyball game and said he got a point on 13 serves straight. And what a good night it was playing. Here I am preparing for surgery and a long tough recovery and he is playing in my spot and having fun. I know my injury was an unlucky accident. I am glad I don't have to deal with anything life threatening. But I think the universe keeps giving me the middle finger when I know my ex is doing what I should be doing right now in my place. It really just all feels like a big "F-you". I have been watching this man get what he wants living the good life for 9 years while I struggle and work d@mn hard to have a good life. And here I am. Still single, still doing it all on my own, and injured! And before anyone says "you don't know that he is happy". Yes, he is. He is happy. He got exactly what he wanted. It is working out quite well for him actually. He really likes the life he has. And really, I don't even want him to suffer. I don't care about that. I am just baffled sometimes when I look at the people around me getting just what they want, not caring who gets hurt, and what I have been working so hard for I can't quite grasp. I really do feel like the universe is telling me to give up doing what I enjoy, to give up the hope for love and just to accept things as they are. But they aren't how I want them to be.
So, yeah, I am very angry. I have angry tears. I am not going to stay here, I have been avoiding being here, but I am just soooooooooo freaking tired. Completely emotionally drained.
On a good note. I enjoyed seeing my friends this weekend as always. I had this really big paper due and I didn't hand it in on time. I did not make an adult decision and stay home all weekend and work on it. I just knew it was my last weekend before I am down for the count so I wanted to have some fun. ANd I did. I just paid for it later, haha.
I feel a little better now, thank Job for the idea. And the support as always.
“The paramount terror that plagues humankind is to live a meaningless life of an exile, an incomplete person whom fails to experience the rapture of living in an astonishing manner.”
Just paid a £2500 bill to my L, so about £3500 so far. Confident he's spent as much if not more, and neither of us have any spare cash floating around...
For a D I never wanted. Because my MLC/depressed H wouldn't talk to me, reply to emails or go to mediation....
For that much, we could have taken a long round the world trip and talked stuff out on beaches with cocktails, and eating street food in Asia, and learning to surf and climbing mountains....grrr...only another £5000 to go and the divorce will cost more than our 2003 wedding just without dancing, kisses and cake...
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
I made it through surgery! One of my coworkers was a former OR nurse where I had my surgery and she made a few phone calls and I was greeted with hugs by all the nurses. It was really really nice. Everything went smoothly. I was pain free from the nerve block until a few hours ago. I am managing the pain with the meds. I alo have a high tolerance. I have an ace bandage, an ice wrap and a huge brace on. I use the crutches to go from couch to bathroom. My dad and stepmom are taking very good care of me. So did my D9 while she was here. And get this:
My dad took me to get my car serviced and I needed 2 new tires, an alignment and an oil change putting me out almost $500. Theys aid my battery was critically low and wanted a crazy price. I spoke to my ex (he used to manage firestone where I went) and I asked his advice. he offered to go to Costco for me, get a battery and put it in for me! He went there and found out they didn't have it in stock, but found out which on I needed and found it on amazon. He said if I buy it, he will put it in for me when he gets back. I was so shocked at his very nice gesture. But I am certainly taking him up on it.
I have had so many wonderful friends reach out to me just to see how I feel and offer help and I have a few people this week who will bring me food and spend some time with me. I am a very fortunate woman. My dad and stepmom might come back next weekend.
Not so much of a vent this post, more of gratefulness. I can still recognize the good
Glad to hear all went well and awesome to hear about the support you're getting from everyone. It really shows you've unlocked the secret to peace of mind: pain medication appreciation
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I am very happy to read that your surgery went well, you are home and yes...have a lot of support. Don't be afraid to ask for assistance. Your family and friends are there and want to help you any way that they can.
As for your xh offering to help...definitely take him up on his offer.
Take it easy and just enjoy the TLC you are getting from others right now. Don't over do it just because the pain meds are helping...do exactly what the doctor has told you and, in no time, you will be recovered and on your way again!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ginger, I'm so sorry things have been so rough lately but very glad your surgery went well and you're now healing. As for you vent post, vent all you need! I know you think your ex is happy and everyone else around just hurt people and end up getting the way they want. I'm starting to see some of that also and it does confuse me. But, never never give up on love. The universe isn't telling you to give up on that. I have no clue what it's saying but I'm sure it's not to give up. You're an incredible women who has been through so much, it's turned you into who you are today and that enough is worth it. Don't stop doing the things you love and don't give up on love. Scream and shout at how unfair things can be, because they are, but remember you're an inspiration to some of us at how to handle that unfairness and still be hopeful and enjoy life.
I'm glad to hear about how everyone has helped you through the surgery. It really is great you have people around you that care so much.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
So glad your surgery went well and you have help during your recovery. I, like other before me have said, am so glad to hear your positivity. Keep it up! Take care of yourself and enjoy all the help.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thank you all for the well wishes! I think my PMA has to do with my family being here. I really like having them here. It's nice to have other people around, ya know? My dad is staying one more night because I am not ready to be on my own yet. My dad changed my showerhead for me to a sprayer and I got a lawnchair and I showered today! He set up my new printer and my new bedding. They are taking excellent care of me. I hate having people wait on me but I don't have much of a choice.
So, yesterday would have been my 13th wedding anniversary. I have no feelings towards it anymore because we were only married 4 years, they have 6 under their belt. But I just don't forget dates.
Weirdness was today when D9 called me from vacation and she was with her grandma and OWW's mother. OWW's mother gets on the phone with me to ask how I am feeling and to wish me a speedy recovery. Just weird.
Fogg, I read your post a few times. I admit, I teared up a little. I a glad I could an inspiration on how to handle unfairness. I think it all just caught up to me lately. And you have inspired me not to give up on love. Because I really was there. Sometimes I figure love might not be meant for me. But I am going to keep a little hope that it will happen when it's meant to. I am lucky to have received love in every form but romantic in my life. But I am really ready for that kind of love.
Zues, these painkillers stink! I have a reaction to almost everything and I have been not sleeping and itching like heck. But finally yesterday I slept all day.
If I sound weird and babbly it's because of the pain meds. I had something much more eloquent in my head, but I am a bit loopy
