I , and I may be the minority who knows, think you were too nice!!
I don't want to come off harsh as I'm probably projecting my own emotions from my situation BUT I think after you told him you were going on a date and he responded the two texts that he was jealous and maybe see you in the future that the conversation should have been DONE. Like you could have said... thanks H have a great night! and then left it at that.
Don't let him into your heart and your feelings. He's lost that spot. He may earn in back but don't just give it to him. Don't let him know all your thoughts and feelings right now. He's not in a place to take it in.
I hope this didn't come off wrong ... I'm glad you had a good time! Next time way less words! Haha
Yeah, I think you're right T. I just felt so empowered by his finally letting his feelings show that I felt almost generous in how I was able to treat him. I've SO been where he was that night. Trying to come across as I so don't care......
No words from me now. NC- and it doesn't even feel difficult to do that. So if nothing else good came from that, I'm thankful for at least that.
Also, it strikes me as hilarious for YOU TO TELL SOMEONE- USE LESS WORDS. I hope you know that was said with love. You crack me up the way it takes you 6 paragraphs to get a point across. That's what makes you so lovable and why so many people follow your thread. (((((( T )))))))
AND.... I'm so pumped! My S35 and his partner have invited me to go to Lake Placid with them for Thanksgiving, and I just booked my flight. Now that's what I call G. A. L.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
Great job, Leah. And you're right about T. I also have never been accused of being too brief!
I think you did great, and I'm happy you got some confirmation that this isn't easy for him. I agree with T's suggestion of ending it a great deal sooner, rather than get into the back and forth.
He knows you are friendly and approachable, so leave him wanting. Give him the gift of smacking himself on the forehead for saying too much.
When in doubt, don't reply and come here and let us know what's going on. You can always reply to him in time, but you can't take it back once it's sent.
Overall, I think you did a pretty good job!
P.S. Hmmmm, you will be near-ish to me for Thanksgiving
When in doubt, don't reply and come here and let us know what's going on. You can always reply to him in time, but you can't take it back once it's sent.
I was going to suggest that Leah drop a tiny hint about that nagging STD that was recently acquired. I guess that's not really DB, but it could be a lot of fun. No?
LOL to everyone's comments! Doodler, you never fail to deliver!
And although I was speaking to T about wordiness, in all honesty, the posters I look to first are always the wordiest- (is that a word?) T, Treasur, Cadence, and even 25 love to do some talking. And I can't get enough!!! Sandi too, but she doesn't post much to me. I love reading her thoughts to other people though.
Agree with advice- I'd much rather H be the one smacking himself on the forehead for saying too much, than ME.
Cadence, my boys will be attending the figure skating Olympics competition in Lake Placid, but that's not so much my "thing". I'm going along to do some sight-seeing on my own, so I'm definitely open for a meet up if it's do-able. We will fly in to Burlington on Thanksgiving Day, then take a rental car to Lake Placid and be there until Sunday afternoon, rental car back to Burlington, hotel, then fly out Monday morning. Give it some thought! I'd love to meet you.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
Leah, I am again, trying to zip my lips and refrain from 2by4s (I said trying) I do get tired of being the Debbie Downer around here :-( I just don't understand what you are doing and why.
He left you, was selfish, lied, kept stringing you along while having an A, and now he is flirting and playing games!?! Are you okay with this? I mean, I am trying to understand why you even had drinks and that flirty date with him (while planning a D) and now you want him to be jealous of you? ... I am so confused! I feel like this is some high school drama that I can't quite keep up with ... Okay I guess the 2by4 slipped out. Sorry! lol. So instead I will pose some questions:
1. What are your goals with this M? or D? 2. What are you doing from your side to achieve those goals? 3. What are you communicating to your H about what you want? 4. What do you need from him in order to have an R with him? ... Or do you simply want him to desire you .... 5. How are you communicating those needs?
He seems conflicted, selfish, and not sure how to proceed. .... The thing is, you can't control anything that he does/says and you can't mind read. You can however teach him how you deserve to be treated. Right now the message you are sending is that he can cheat, come, then go, text, or not text, and then he can just decide he may (or may not) want to be M so you "some day," and you will probably be available either way to have some fun and drinks by the pool ... chit. Another 2by4. Sorry. Okay I am just going to submit this and not look back .....
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Wow, yeah Blu, that was a pretty hard hit. I'll give it some thought. I really don't see how his working his way back toward me is any different than any WAS or whatever the acronym is for the ones who leave us, starting to come back around. Most of them have cheated, lied, done all the things my H has done, and yet I'm not sure why you've singled me out to say I'm doing this DB thing wrong by having hope of a future relationship with him.
I'll give your questions some thought and respond a little later.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
and then left it at that.