Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,979
Likes: 33
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,979
Likes: 33
Sorry SBJ. I guess I'm lucky. Two years ago he intentionally signed up to work out of state and then texted me unhappy anniversary (I found out about OW1 less than a week later). Last year I was on vacation out of the country and saw he took OW1 out to dinner and put it on my credit card. After two years of aholeaversaries I think this third one I will be fine. How about thinking of this first one as a one year celebration of some change you like in yourself?

Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
S
SBJ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
So, I spent 5 hours with the W yesterday doing some things for our business. Our kids were all there too so relationship talk was never brought up. She did however bring up something that had been bothering her with regard to her family. She said her mother is the only one that has anything to do with her (enabler). She then went on to say how her sister/BIL and her father and step mother seem so mad at her because of all of this. They all seem to be grounded in the reality of what divorce looks like for real. She was just about in tears when she said that, "if anyone has a right to be mad at me, you do, but you aren't. You always treat me with kindness and respect."

I only validated what she said about her family and didn't really respond when she said that about me...I simply looked at her and grinned. She then went on to finishing what we were doing. It is not really funny, but I guess they all have moments of clarity that we aren't them enemy, but then they go back to business as usual.

I'm reading a new book about letting go...it is pretty good. My dad and one of my brothers have commented on a positive change that they have seen in me over the last couple of months...mentally, physically and spiritually. While that makes me feel better, I know that there is still alot of work to do.

His will and His timing is what I am hanging my hat on these days. I hope and pray that all of you have a great week.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
SBJ,

That's amazing and can only imagine what that meant for you. That is one well paved road back...

Is it hard to keep working with her? Do you ever want one of you to change jobs?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
S
SBJ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
We have two offices under the same practice name...it really hasn't been an issue. My oldest wants to follow in our business footsteps, so I want to continue to grow my office so he can join us. He has about 5 years more of school.

I am also wanting to open another business with one of my brothers. Working on a business plan currently and he and I have about a 12-18 month plan. No real rush because we want to do it right.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
Fair dues to her family for speaking their opinion.

As for her comments to you, well done. Firstly on being that guy who apparently isn't that bad afterall and secondly for letting the comment slip.

This in no way indicates a turn around is happening in her thinking but will definitely facilitate the possibility of one.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 213
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 213
SBJ.....

How did you feel after hearing her say that? I can imagine it was nice to hear her say something about you that you have known all along......that you are a wonderful person, and she is a fool for doing what she has done to you wink

I have noticed my H has moments of clarity every so often, but then does something that takes me right back. I feel like they are so fearful of taking responsibility because then that would make them see that the decisions they have been making have been so selfish (and we all know they would never want that).

Sounds like you are staying busy and doing well.

One day at a time.......

Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
S
SBJ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
roist...I understand that what she said wasn't a decision for her to come back, but to me it seems like a simple way of keeping the light on (so to speak).

skm...I think that they can be all over the place with their feelings and emotions. It is eye opening to me that her relationship with her family has worsened. She only has one sister (drug addict) and her mother (enabler) that are on her "side". Ironically, each one of them has also been thru a divorce. The sister because of her addiction and the MIL was because of her own personal MLC when my W was 12.

I can only do me and try and be better than I was the day before. I hope you are doing well with your one day at a time as well.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
S
SBJ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
So our S19 was on a college retreat this weekend and they had a family ceremony Saturday night. My D15 had several of her friends going and the W was going to drive them in her car and I was going to take our youngest. It was about an 1.5 hour drive. One of the girls backed out and the W called me and said, "it looks like we can just take one car". I was kind of stumped, but said...that sounds great. I ended up riding in the back of her Suburban with my youngest and we chatted all the way there. Even though I was in the back I still had to give directions when asked. She didn't bother calling OnStar since I was there.

On the trip home was when it got interesting. About 15 minutes down the road, she said she was extremely tired and asked if I'd drive. I said I would and she decided to rearrange the passengers so that she could sit in the front with me. Once on the road she began telling me about her addict sister and basically asking me what I thought she should do. It was extremely odd, but at the same time, so familiar. I miss our conversations, even if they are about her batchitcrazy sister. We spent about 5.5 hours together and laughed and cut up...it was just like old times.

She asked me and our youngest to sit with her at church yesterday and it seemed so right. It is so hard for me to understand just where their minds are at.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
SBJ,

That sounds like the kind of conversation I had with w on vacation. We can't understand where their minds are at...and they probably can't either. So put on the tinfoil hat to stop yourself from mind reading and just enjoy it for what it is: an intimate conversation with someone that you (still) care about.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
SBJ keep your expectations at zero and try your best not to mind read. that's the road to peace. Keep being the awesome person you are and see what God has in store for you!

I just heard that my cousin re-married his first wife after being divorced for a number of years and that they are incredibly happy. We never know The Plan for us and that's probably a really good thing!

xoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Page 5 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard