Thank TxHubby I know I shouldn't have read it, little bit of a backslide as I have not done that in quite some time. I quickly got through it as the kids and I went to a friends house for a bonfire, smore's and drinks! Had fun and took my mind off of everything. And yes, I am better than that and her, my new life will be based on an honest faithful person and not a lying cheater who seems to be giving up on everything but herself.
And yes, I am better than that and her, my new life will be based on an honest faithful person and not a lying cheater who seems to be giving up on everything but herself.
Awesome stuff right here! Your understanding of this means you're going to be just fine regardless of how this whole thing turns out. You may become like me. My new life was going so well that I had no more patience for a cheating spouse, didn't want to be around one, and filed. That blew her mind.
She mentioned to him that the big reason my WW want's to end the marriage is because she felt I was too strict on our children yet she didn't file for majority custody??
WAS's rewrite history. It's what they do. They even believe the rewritten history to some extent. All you can do is stick to the high road, let people judge you by your actions, not by the spew out of a WAS's mouth. As far as dragging you through the mud you are getting off very light. It's not unusual for WAS's to completely fabricate stories about physical and emotional abuse just to get people to enable them.
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She told him that I have made so many positive changes but it's most likely too late, and then I read the most hurtful thing I could have ever seen. She said that she most likely never loved me??? WTF?? Then I had to remind myself of the Sandi's rules that they will speak in absolute negatives.
Yup, that's a classic example of WAS bulls***. What kind of an idiot would marry someone they don't love, does she not realize that by saying that it makes HER look stupid?
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she left me some voice messages that I need to keep the kids as our main focus and that she doesn't appreciate me going out without telling her where I'm going(I did tell the kids).
Oh yes indeed, how dare you establish a new, independent life without her! HOW DARE you be happy! You need to immediately cease and desist with all that nonsense and report to her every 5 minutes on your whereabouts. What were you thinking! I mean obviously you need to help with the kids when needed, but outside of that I would be inclined to double down on GAL after hearing that, heh heh!
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These messages she leaves me always have the same tone to them, that I am not putting the kids first and if "I drag this out it will affect them" and "do not put them in the middle of this". I just don't get how she can blame me for something that she has done?
Don't lose any sleep over it, they ALL do that and there is no explanation!
So, WW mentioned a "Bird Nesting" arrangement for our house, kind of co-ownership post divorce to keep the kids in their home and WW and I would be the ones that share the house. I have read up on this, it is complicated, financial,taxes, so on so forth all in an attempt to stabilize the kids. This all came up because both WW wife and I will be unable to purchase homes within our school district which would most likely mean our kids will need to change schools. Now WW actually is concerned about something other than herself, all the "support friends" who told her the kids will be fine may not be so fine after all, these friends won't be there for my kids when they lose most of their friends let alone the therapy sessions we now have to pay for. So she is concerned, she is really pushing this co-owning the home, her lawyer will be sending info to my lawyer about this. I may be wrong here but this sounds like she see's me as a safety net, I am not on board with this plan, I'm sure she will tell me that because I don't want this the kids will suffer, I will then need to remind her yet again in a calm manner that none of this would be happening if she didn't stray from our marriage, and that she has no intention of working on it. None of what WW says to me has her taking any blame for what she has done and is doing, it's all on me, just not the case and she will know it! Let the fun begin, I'm so glad one of my GAL is working out and getting back in shape! I am now prepared for this battle, sure hope it doesn't come to that.
Dusty, that sounds like a really rough situation. I know I wouldn't be able to do it. I'd imagine you'll be stuck in your own personal limbo, not fully able to move on after the D.
Is there any way that one of you would be able to keep the house?
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Holding, doesn't look like any scenerio has one of us keeping the house other than hitting the lottery. We did discuss this co-ownership the other night after talking to my lawyer and therapist and they both agreed with me that this would be a bad idea, she was not happy with me telling her NO! If we got along and could be friendly then maybe it would work but right now I don't see be friendly with her outside of the kids. I need to move on and still being attached to her with the house would not be good for me emotionally and financially. She would have a rent free place to stay and I would need to get an apartment, doesn't work! We as a family(does that still apply?) are going on what looks to be our last vacation together, was only supposed to be me and the kids but she was pressured into it by the kids and she is now going. I will do my best to be cordial towards her, I will make sure that the kids and me have a great time regardless of how she interacts with us, doesn't really matter at this stage what she says or does, won't change what I do. I will hopefully have a good story in a couple days on our weekend, can't wait to be with my kids!
I will have a great time on vacation regardless of her being there or not! My therapist thought it would a good opportunity to show the kids that mom and dad will not be at each other's throats post D, this get away will also be a 180 opportunity as WW always took care of planning trips and then things would happen and my anger would come out. My head is in a much better place now more than ever, new life direction is becoming clearer every day! Would take a lot to derail my path. holding, have a great weekend!
Had an awesome weekend with the family(including the WW) looking back on it I wish she didn't go but all in all it was a fun outing. We did get along and actually communicated but all I could think of is what went wrong with US? I still care deeply for this woman but realize that she doesn't share the same feeling at this moment and I need to continue to detach for my own sanity! My D11 had her first visit with a family therapist which was more of a fact gathering visit but my D11 told me later that she is nervous to talk to a therapist as her feelings with mom and dad make her cry when she thinks about us not being friends anymore, I can't be WW's friend after we divorce becasue she hasn't shown any remorse(even though I thought she did at BD) for what she has done. My S13 has called me at work a few times over the last couple weeks very sad and lonely, he tells me that he seems lost with no one to lean on as WW disapears from the house from time to time without telling the kids where she is going. This of course will get worse once we divorce. I feel sad for my children! I am trying to be upbeat for them but sometimes the enormity of the sitch is overwhelming to me! I hope I have the strength to get me through this.
