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Treasur Offline OP
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Thoughts? (I think I use this board as an 'am I crazy too?' check!)

If my STBXH doesn't respond to the £ agreement HE asked for by tomorrow, my L will want me to go to Court. I've been thinking about doing a 180 and doing a NC/NOTHING for a month. Why? It will leave H worrying that I'm going to do it. It's about time he gets a taste of his own medicine. It will be fun to see how long before he breaks cover. I need a break from this s**t to focus on more useful things. And it is a real 180 for me, and a bit of control.

Consequences? Nothing in the £ agreement is s/t (pensions, equity in house still on market, replacement for the phantom swimming watch) so won't make a difference to my immediate £ worries. He might apply for the Absolute but nothing I can do about that anyway, and I'm not sure I care as I did because this childish sociopathic version of my H really isn't a catch to hold on to.


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

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Hi Treasur

If it makes no difference then do it. Like you say you need that head space for other things and court is going to cost so unless necessary do nothing.

I'm East Mids can I visit :-)

SJ x


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



Tomorrow is another day
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Ugh. I hate all this so much! One thing I have learned is that life is a process. It has become my mantra. When it all hit and I was in a tailspin, things seemed to be moving so quickly (especially husband's now defunct OW1--or at least I think so. Could still be holding that candle). Anyway, I have learned that it is ok to slow things down as the situation is fluid and if you are in no financial danger and your gut says wait than wait. It gives you a breather. Yes, I know, I am no poster child of successful marriage!

If you already had financial disclosure forms swapped than you have an idea of what is going on. He can't start creating financial Armageddon. I am having exact same discussions with attorney. Lawyer feels we have been patient enough and our credibility will soon be in question if we don't act. Husband has not submitted financial disclosure which was due in March. Filing in court puts pressure to meet deadlines and will cost a bundle but sometimes it has to be done. So if you need to wait a few days or a few weeks to be ready for that, than wait.

It is out of our hands if they go for the Absolute. I don't know about you, but that is the greatest cause of my anxiety. I flip flop all the time: want it over and want my old husband back. Not doing anything in my case seems to give him security in that. Feel like I spend way too much mental energy on him and this. Are they delaying to hedge their bets or are they being financially sneaky?

OMG on the roundabout thing! Lol. Will look up where Liverpool Station is. Are you up North? I am southern Hampshire, an hour from London. Not sure what we are allowed to reveal.


Me-54 H-49
T-1. M-7
BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out
OW - 3/13
OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3
OW3 - 8/17
H filed 1/17
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Let's all visit.


Me-54 H-49
T-1. M-7
BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out
OW - 3/13
OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3
OW3 - 8/17
H filed 1/17
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Treasur Offline OP
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All welcome! I'm in Southwold...very posh seaside with lovely beach and noisy seagulls!


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

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Originally Posted By: Citygrl
He can't start creating financial Armageddon. I am having exact same discussions with attorney.
My H has pretty much done that already. Took him 6 months to produce a partial £ disclosure and it was shocking. If we go to court, he will basically be bankrupt and lose his job because he works for a bank and a whole bunch of dodgy stuff will become public knowledge...Because I've asked for pension/house equity, doesn't impact me if he loses his job actually as it will be a clean break agreement, but going to Court is ridiculous in our sitch. But then I've tried (and failed) to get him to respond to every other option over the last year - y'know, talking like adults, email, mediation, L's letters....He has consistently behaved like a f**kwit and really messed up his own life, but nothing I can do about that.

It is out of our hands if they go for the Absolute. I don't know about you, but that is the greatest cause of my anxiety. I flip flop all the time: want it over and want my old husband back. Not doing anything in my case seems to give him security in that. Feel like I spend way too much mental energy on him and this. Are they delaying to hedge their bets or are they being financially sneaky?

I did worry about this. I never wanted a D. I loved my H very much and felt compassion for just how broken he was. I wish my H still existed but right now he's a self-destructive unrecognisable mentally ill stranger. As time has passed, I guess I think that a) no point worrying because there is nothing I can do to stop it and b) maybe this last severing of the link between us is the price I have to pay for not being collateral damage to more of his WTF chaos. Sad though. I would have chosen a different calmer path even if we still ended up divorced.


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 310
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I know it! Just under 3 hours drive from me, put the kettle on :-)


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



Tomorrow is another day
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Fab, citygrl - do you fancy planning a weekend? I stopped drinking for ages so I have a ton of wine!


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 310
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Sounds good but I don't know how we message privately and can't disclose too much publicly?

SJ


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



Tomorrow is another day
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Posts: 584
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Treasur Offline OP
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Hmmm...I don't know how to figure that out between the three of us either...ideas?


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

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