On the far shore

[Cherry]

I promise to catch up on your thread sometime soon. But sending love and churros con chocolate across the pond to you mi amigo

[AndrewP]

Surv1ve - thanks for the visit. My S22 used to live in your city and I would drive down to visit him there. It was a long drive but worth it.

CHERRY!!!! - I posted a "hello" over on your thread.

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Well - today is what would have been my 28th wedding anniversary. At this time 28 years ago I was nervously up and shining my shoes while stupidly wearing my tuxedo shirt. Nearly smeared shoe polish all over it. Tomorrow it will have been 29 years since a good friend brought a woman he knew from work out to the regular "Saturday with the guys" thing and who kept me close from that day forward until she found someone "better". I have a small smile thinking that it took her more than half her life to do that and I still think that she didn't find someone better.

People around me suggest that she's either regretting her choices now or that she will over time. I don't know about that but it doesn't matter to me. She's on her own journey without me.

I'm doing .... ok. Certainly a lot better than I did a year ago when I was full of drama. Will I even remember this day next year? Probably. I was the one who would remember the birthdays and anniversaries. I don't know how some husbands can possibly forget.

I was asked yesterday by a very good friend if I had to do it all over again would I still have married the woman formerly known as my wife. Knowing what I know now - no. Knowing what I did then - absolutely. Time only marches forwards in this Newtonian universe. There is no going back, no Mulligans and because of that, there should be no regrets. I used to have times when I would regret that at my age there is no "starting over". Marrying again, starting a family, erasing the past and building something new - it can't happen. What I can do and am doing though is to build anew on the foundations that I have which yes, do include many years as a devoted husband and father married to what we will for the sake of argument think of as a devoted wife and mother. That chapter is closed now though but it is part of the book of my life.

Time to keep writing fresh songs and stories. I noticed on another thread a couple of the ladies here talking about their ideal man (waves). It's surprising to me now that my eyes are open how many mature and kind-hearted unattached women there are out there. My friend said that her building was full of them so I suggested she put up posters to advertise my availability <smile>. There's a charity dinner coming up at the end of next month that I always go to. I think I'll buy two tickets. I have no specific prospects for a date for it but S22 would probably be happy to go. Or perhaps ... you never know. It's a good cause and I'll have fun no matter what. Maybe I should ask 20-Something - that would get the gossips going

[OwnIt]

Good for you Andrew. Perspective. Distance and time. The things which heal. I long to be there.

[Treasur]

I've often wondered about an LBS dating thread, Andrew...comes with guarantees of good folks who are committed to M and have managed to GAL!

Unfortunately, most folks seem to be rather far away from my little patch on the East Coast of England....sigh.

Happy Anniversary though for all the joys and love and learning from those 29 years. The fact that this last chapter of our Ms has been so rough does not change all of the many blessings we enjoyed too x

[Surv1ve]

I wonder about that, too, Treasur... but, I've been reading SO much about "love" and how we get together and this idea of "locks and keys". People prone to MLC in later life are a certain way and the people who will become the LBS have a certain set of tendences, too. We LBS's wouldn't have been attracted to each other 20 years ago... our chemistry's don't match. We don't set off the psychological opportunity to "go home" and rewrite the old story.

It's true, too. I think about the people who were interested in me who seemed as stable and steady as they come and who thought I was the bees knees... I tended to reject them. The ones that pursued me wildly -- INTERESTED. The ones who were interested and then not interested -- INTERESTED. Even my first boyfriend, I was kind of "MEH" until he cheated on me and then I NEEDED him to love me. Anyway, don't mean to thread hijack!

[AndrewP]

Journal time

S22 is now officially S23. We had a lovely dinner together of "man food" (steak, potatoes and obligatory veg) and D25 and her H participated via Skype in the happy birthday singing and virtual cake. The real cake was very delicious. The baker put some coffee into the mix which she said - and it appeared to - adds to the flavour of the chocolate. I'd hoped that S23 would have taken the entire leftovers to the party he was off to but he only took a few slices. I'm hoping that his friends will demolish the rest over the next few days and save me from it.

"Twenty Something" who also turned 23 yesterday was holding the party and I got a snapchatted picture of the two of them looking very drunk in the middle of the evening. For me, I had a quiet evening watching a movie and skipping the usual Friday night wine so that I could be available for my son in case he needed a ride home. He said that he'd probably crash at his friend's place but appreciated the sentiment. It's mid-morning now and he's still not home but I'm not too worried.

He quite appreciated his present from me and I think is looking forward to unlimited sports watching for the next year. I had been worried - even thought it's none of my concern - about whether his mother would have done anything for him. I did see though on Thursday late afternoon that he went over to the village that she lives in and was there for about 1/2 hour. No clue if it was pre-planned or not or if he got dinner and cake because he seemed to create the usual amount of dishes. I did peek in his room when I gathered up the dirty dishes last night and there was a card from his mother and her parents in his room. I'm glad that she made the effort and my jealousy isn't too bad. He came home with a mix-pack of 8 different beer so that must have been his birthday present from her. I didn't ask and he never mentioned anything about seeing his mother. I expect mostly out of consideration for my feelings. He does have a kind heart.

One bit of intel that this has given me is that she presumably is at least keeping up the appearance of living in her flat above her store and not with her guy. The reason why this is important to me is that on Wednesday afternoon we'll be having our "Collaborative Law" meeting which I'm terrified of as I've written before. I was listening to an interview with Admiral Stavridis on Bloomberg a few days ago (yes I'm that exciting) and he had an interesting comment about negotiating. He was talking about North Korea and perhaps there are parallels here and said to "expect the unexpected". Very wise words I think. If anyone else out there is a reading sort I understand that he has some great books on leadership. I have at least one of them on my Christmas list for D25 who works at a book store.

Since she's either no longer in a relationship with her guy or is keeping it quiet or is happy with something casual that decreases some of my leverage in the negotiations I think. I've found lots of ducks and have attempted to line them up. I know all my facts and figures and have talked to a good friend who went through a very nasty divorce and he's quizzed me on various issues that might come up so that I can form my responses and opinions. The odds are non-zero but I think incredibly low that she'll ask to call the whole thing off and come home.

Fortunately I'm in no particular hurry since the status quo is relatively comfortable to me right now so if she delays things I'll just point out that it will only add up the legal fees and try to get some agreement on some minor issues like abandoned property and some banking stuff at least.

I'll probably post again on Wednesday. I'm glad that I have this outlet to journal where people are actually listening.

Well - time to organize the banking, flower shop visit and groceries. I may buy some new curtains today and do a trip to the dump to get rid of the old ones and some empty paint cans. It's supposed to be nice weather today so there's yard work to be done although it just got very cloudy in the last few minutes. The cats are snoozing recovering from their own trauma yesterday of the annual vet visit where I got them micro chipped. Something I should have done years ago. There was a bit of a hassle at the vet because STBX had changed the address on our account to her new address and it seems had been rather snippy to the clinic staff when they were trying to organize the girls' annual visit. They were relieved when I explained things and they split the profile out. I'm rather surprised that STBX hadn't done that but I suspect that it is all part of the package of not giving anyone any details of things. For me it was easy. "My ex wife and her dog moved out" was all that was required.

Well - have a fabulous day everyone and whatever feelings of calm you can send me for Wednesday will be appreciated.

[job]

I am glad to read that you, your son and you daughter & her H had a nice time celebrating his birthday. I'm sure he was tickled w/the gift you gave him. It's difficult to know what to get them when they are at that age.

I'm also glad to read that you had the "girls" micro chipped. You never know what may happen and you definitely want to know that they are protected every way possible. Also, I'm glad you took care of the profile at the vet's.

Andrew, you've covered all your bases the best you can. There is no telling what she may or may not come up with...I'm hoping that she'll just go w/the flow and help you in finalizing things. It's very sad when you see them carrying on this way. My separation was as crazy and nasty as it gets...but the day of the divorce was very easy and I breathed a sign of relief when I walked away. I knew I had done everything I could to salvage the mess. You've done all you can do and that's what counts.

[Coly23]

Hey AP, just stopping by to say hi (waves)!

Glad your S had a good birthday and I'm keeping my fingers and toes (and eyes!) crossed that all goes well with the meeting on Wednesday. Try not to worry about it too much and have a relaxing weekend.

((AP))

[Surv1ve]

I would love to hear what happened at the meeting, if you have space and energy. I may have one of these meetings in the future, and I want to be as prepared as I can.

[job]

Andrew,

Thank you for notifying me about my email address showing up in an old posting...but it's okay...it's very old one and people can attempt to contact me, but it won't work. LOL!

I also noticed that I can't remove the other email address or remove the thread because I wasn't a moderator way back then.

Again, thank you for letting me know.