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SBJ #2755259 08/07/17 01:54 AM
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Sbj thanks for dropping by and posting.Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2755270 08/07/17 02:22 AM
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Roost,

Re lingerie. Given your history, I understand the distress but maybe if you do get things going again to start with new ones anyway. It would represent that it's different and new now. Keep being the awesome dude you are.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie #2755274 08/07/17 02:32 AM
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Originally Posted By: Gordie
Re energy work...what exactly have you done and has it been helpful to you? Do you see an empath? An energy worker? Have you just learned about it and done practices on your own? How has this helped or not helped you? What do you think about energy work compared to other spiritual practices?


Gordie,
I will try to answer briefly.

Firstly I think anything done in the interest of improving one's self is always worth while.

The person I went to is someone I know and that actually prevented me from going sooner. But eventually I wanted to feel better much mote than I was reluctant to discuss my personal life. I went to see her about my depression and had done a few sessions before my non bomb drop with W. So I added my.M crisis to the conversation.

Sessions consisted of some more traditional chats about feelings and other issues etc. That alone helped and this woman has a lot of experience which shows. Treatment was more unconventional in that she realigns my energy flow with that of the universe. It is a lot more technical than that but for simplicities sake, that explanation is adequate.

I personally did find that it helped me. According to her, she removed energy blockages within me. Repressed emotions, specific stresses etc caused such blockages.

Before going to her I had been in a dark dark place with my depression. Since even though I have had bad episodes due to my M crisis I never became as dark as I was beforehand.

My therapist is in touch with a lot of stuff that I don't really know about or don't know how much I believe.But I have confidence in her. TBH she could have said it all stemmed from my grandfather was abducted by aliens and she has done the necessary so that I am better. I was just interested in feeling better . And.no my grandfather wasn't abducted by aliens and she never claimed he was. My point is my belief in her methods was secondary to my desire to feel better.

I am no expert in different treatments but there is a good plausible logic to this methodology.

Speaking of the spiritual side of things and not wishing to vex the religious readers, but I have observed huge correlations between religion and the law of attractions. However for both you need to be open minded enough that it could be true. The same applies IMO to alternative therapies. We should not rule them out just because unconventional

Oops not so short my answer!!

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2755284 08/07/17 03:06 AM
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Originally Posted By: roist


Speaking of the spiritual side of things and not wishing to vex the religious readers, but I have observed huge correlations between religion and the law of attractions. However for both you need to be open minded enough that it could be true. The same applies IMO to alternative therapies. We should not rule them out just because unconventional



Roist, there is no vexing here. There is a correlation...you are right. Those of us that rely on God and believe in His word do believe that He will grant us what we "need". Some that do not believe in God, rely on the "Universe" to deliver what they "want".

I choose to believe that God loves us all...those that believe and those that are unsure. He is a loving God that wants all of His children to come to Him for the things that they need in life.

Below are, what I believe, things that we have been told to do in the word of God...Sounds kind of like the Law of Attraction, but more like the law of God.

Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Romans 4:17 …He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed, the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.

James 1:16-17 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Matthew 7:7-8 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
roist #2755388 08/07/17 10:55 AM
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Roist,

I wish I could speak to you in person. I ask becasue psychics and energy work, etc. have been central to my W's transformation. She feels she has reached a more enlightened state of being and while she has said it's okay for us to believe different things, I think this is an issue for her, for us. Also, I know these spiritual guides have pointed her towards divorce and/or supported her going in that direction. I listen to w without judgment but really don't know what to do with all of this.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie #2756096 08/11/17 05:57 AM
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It is a pity that the private message section of this site isn't activated, though I understand the reasoning behind that.

Gordie we are guided be who we let guide us and in a direction we want. People seek out anything that goes in the direction they seek. Two people could read the same self help article and get two completely different meanings/learnings from it.

I am not saying W intentionally sought out someone to tell her to D you. But she was/is unhappy. People even therapists seek to stop that pain and in some cases the quick fix is get rid of the spouse. I say fix but we know that fixes nothing.

I had a longer message but I am out of time. You cannot control or influence this part of things. I know it is hard to be a spectator watching something that you don't want happen. Just let it be and concentrate on you.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2756180 08/11/17 06:52 PM
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Roist,

Thank you. What you say makes sense. Maybe we'll meet some day and I can tell you the rest of the story. Sorry to hijack.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie #2756191 08/11/17 11:19 PM
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Maybe we will. No worries about hyjacking. I am soshort on tine these days that it suited me not to go to other threads.

Heading away today for a few weeks so I won't be around here. I will keep ye all in my thoughts.

Best wishes my DB friends.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2758310 08/28/17 02:25 AM
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Hi all in DB land.

The two week family holiday has come and gone. 24/7 for two weeks always leaves me deflated about our R. But this is motivating as it pushes me to make further changes to improve my life. I may list these later but for now I just want to mention that I have a list of actions all ME related in the pipeline.

The holiday was good in that I spent quality time with sons, discovered a new area, got in some exercise, ate good food, had great weather and made some good memories for us all.

As per all holidays in the last three years I thought of this one being possibly the last family one. Early on this depressed me but now I can turn that page with anticipation. I really don't like the way things are.

During the holiday one of our sons was very difficult at bedtime. This was a major stress, which spilled over into stress between W and I.OOne night I got annoyed about a comment W made. I had enough and told her that I wantED us to walk together in the same direction (regarding parenting) but it was too late for that now. I left for half an hour or so to get some air.We didn't discuss it further.

The next day things carried on as usual. Throughout the holiday we got on OK but with our usual lack of connection. Nowadays I am less active at recreating connection and replace it with other stuff. I can sit in silence longer than ever but tend more to leave such situations and do other stuff without W.

The night we got home W had a big blowout with my son. She got really upset (understandably) and shut me out as well as the boys. I learned somewhere that when you feel least like making an effort, is when one is most needed in a R. So I tried to show solidarity and empathy through various gestes. There was no togetherness at all. I gave her space.

Early the next day my W blows up again with sons. Long story short I sensed that my W's crisis was possibly coming to break point. I thought she would leave. Although not what I want, I didn't dread that. I take over looking after the boys as I did the previous evening. Things resumed their normal flow.

Yesterday I was frustrated with not being able to communicate with W about what to do. She made it clear she wanted to do something but every suggestion I made wasn't acceptable. I decided to go do a small task and come back to her.

When I did W expressed her dislike for me ignoring her. This lead to one of our longest conversations in a while and definitely the deepest in years. II resisted saying my first thoughts as they mostly were defensive or critical.It was calm. I explained I wasn't ignoring her but when she appears not interested I keep myself busy. She stated she never said she wasn't interested to which I replied, not in words.

I asked her when was the last time she asked me about my day. My work or about me? She countered when was the last time I volunteered such info without needing 50 questions. I said I do so from time to time but is often received with indifference so I am less inclined to do so now. She told me I needed to make a big effort to improve my communication.II replied I would love to have us talk and communicate more effectivelybbut that isn't possible when one person is checked out.

The conversation went on a little more but got interrupted and was never finished. I may reopen it but first wanted to hear from you guys and especially Job.

Three great positives were spoken by my W.
1. Is interested in the goings on of my life
2. Wants better communication
3. Wants us to do more when kids are busy

The conversation is tinged by her putting the onus on me to improve the communication and me ignoring her. I placed some truth darts about her part. She stated my lack of communication as one of the main reasons she checked out. I accepted my part in her checking out, but restated that I cannot and will not communicate with someone not present too.

I got to go but I would love to hear how you guys interpret recent episodesiI will say more after feedback.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2758408 08/28/17 09:52 AM
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Roist,

Love how you are always looking for the positives.

Positives:

R detaching more
R zero expectations
W aired some of her complaints
W also doesn't want things to continue as they are
R accepted some but not all responsibility
R pointed out w also needs to change

Negatives:

W getting angrier at kids
W didn't accept responsibility


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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