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A Message from Michele
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#2753616 - 07/28/17 12:40 AM Re: Can't Believe I am BACK! [Re: patty13]
Bube Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 1050
Loc: North Texas
Ahh, GEL, the Green Eyed Lass. I don't think she's still around. I've read through several years of SSM and haven't seen her. If I remember correctly, things had turned around for her and her H. There were a few of us back then that were communicating outside of this forum and I think I have her real name and email. If I can find that contact list, and if you're interested, I could PM her contact info.

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#2753620 - 07/28/17 12:44 AM Re: Can't Believe I am BACK! [Re: Bube]
Bube Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 1050
Loc: North Texas
I just thought about it and checked my buddy list. Gel is there and her last post was 9 years ago. So unless she's using another name, I would say she's gone.

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#2754205 - 07/31/17 06:05 AM Re: Can't Believe I am BACK! [Re: Bube]
patty13 Offline
New Member

Registered: 07/21/17
Posts: 9
9 years ago. Wow! Surprised I remembered.

Back when this forum was really active it was a great source of information. I learned a lot about relationships here and I was constantly surprised there were so many of us. Any idea why the forum is so inactive now?

I know SSM is still a big issue. It hasn't gone away. A couple years ago Huffpost picked up an article I wrote on the topic and I am still getting comments!

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#2754385 - 08/01/17 02:33 AM Re: Can't Believe I am BACK! [Re: patty13]
Bube Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 1050
Loc: North Texas
I too was surprised at the inactivity here. Back in the olden days there was a lot of participation. There was so much participation that it was frequently hard to keep up. I kind of drifted away for several reasons, but the biggest one was that I felt like I had reached a point where I was no longer benefitting and wasnít really helping anybody else either. That, and the fact that there was so much activity that it was consuming a huge amount of my time. I felt that I needed a break.

My situation was different from anybody else on the board at the time in that there was no sex in my marriage from the very beginning. There are pages and pages of my story if you go back far enough, but the thumbnail version is that we met while attending a Christian university, and being good kids, we didnít have premarital sex. We never talked about it, but I guess I just assumed that she was on the same page that I was Ė interested, but waiting until marriage. It was only after we were married that I learned that she not only had no interest in sex, but was basically repulsed by the whole idea. So while others were talking about where things went wrong, or why their spouses lost interest, mine never had any interest to begin with.

As pretty much everybody in a long-term SSM said, there are cycles in how much it bothers you. It never really goes away, but there are times when you can kind of accept it, and times when itís nearly unbearable. The low T has been a double-edged sword. In one sense, itís made things easier. It has lowered my libido, which takes the edge off. But on the other hand, itís also shined a spotlight on the fact that Iím no spring chicken. Iíve been having a lot of issues with the idea that time is running out Ė that thereís a lot more sand in the bottom half of the hourglass than in the top.

I know itís displaced, but due to the time running out thing, Iíve been having anger issues too. I keep it buried, but I canít help but feel like itís her fault. Like sheís cheated me out of a decent sex life. We were still teenagers when we got married (she was 18 and I was 19), weíre in our 60ís now, and Iíve NEVER had even a brief stint of decent sex life. And being that weíre in our 60ís, hormone levels in general are declining, Iím having intermittent ED problems, and things are only going to decline further from here.

Thatís why Iím back. I donít know exactly what I came looking for, but this forum helped me so much before that I just knew I would find something. Itís terribly sad that itís fallen into to this state.

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#2754679 - 08/02/17 09:33 AM Re: Can't Believe I am BACK! [Re: Bube]
patty13 Offline
New Member

Registered: 07/21/17
Posts: 9
I understand. I can't even tell you how many times I promised myself I was going to have sex again before I died! It was my mantra.

When I look in the rear view mirror, I don't regret my decision. I am glad I got to experience 5 years or so of a great sex life.

Why do people who don't want sex get married? If I knew I felt that way, I would just stay away from relationships where I knew I couldn't hold up my end of the deal!

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#2754715 - 08/02/17 02:00 PM Re: Can't Believe I am BACK! [Re: patty13]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 12722
Loc: CA- now East coast
am I missing something?

Your partner has ED, but he has other parts of him that work fine, right?

So why not meet your needs that way?

Apologies to the guys if this sounds harsh, but if you have ED and the "party" is over for you, why does it have to end for your w? I hear of men with tragic physical problems with their sex organs, and they seem to think it's okay to end their wives' sex lives too.

There are plenty of women who crave the intimacy of physical touch even if they cannot "get their cookies" and yet they ML frequently.

Just saying...
_________________________
M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H solo - ALASKA, 2006
Piece 7/07
Retrovaille-M Restored 8/08

*2016*
H Alaska Again!
Groundhog Day
I File D 10/16
OW

Don't look back, it's not where you're going

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#2754716 - 08/02/17 02:02 PM Re: Can't Believe I am BACK! [Re: patty13]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 12722
Loc: CA- now East coast
Originally Posted By: patty13
Thanks! Unfortunately the money and great insurance I used to have doesn't exist anymore and I am poor. BTW if you die without a will did you know the spouse only gets half? Amazing how that works.

Anyway, I am poor now.


some states give half to the kids, some give half to the parents and some give all to their spouses. Depends on the state.

But, that's why we L's whine about getting a will.

Damn, I have to update mine... cry
_________________________
M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H solo - ALASKA, 2006
Piece 7/07
Retrovaille-M Restored 8/08

*2016*
H Alaska Again!
Groundhog Day
I File D 10/16
OW

Don't look back, it's not where you're going

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#2754833 - 08/03/17 09:44 AM Re: Can't Believe I am BACK! [Re: 25yearsmlc]
patty13 Offline
New Member

Registered: 07/21/17
Posts: 9
LOL! His other parts work fine and we have tried. And tried. And tried. But the only sex that works for me is intercourse. The rest of it is OK for foreplay but intercourse is the main event.

And yes, I know that makes me an odd ball. But if I could do it alone, why would I even care what my partner could or couldn't do? And I guess that is also what makes the sexless thing a big deal for me!

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