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Agree with LH19, you will need to confront, but do it nicely. Set the boundary firmly with her.

Without a final decree, i would bet you couldn't lock her out at least without a good reason, but check with a L as LH19 points out.

I had a good reason for locking my W out. There was more to my situation as to why, but i don't want to hijack your thread.


Me 51, Wife 44; Married 4; Together 10;
HSD20, XWSD13, XWSS14, XWSS17
Kids Together D4, D1.52
W Moves Out: 03/16/17
W Files : 03/17/17
D Final: 10/23/17
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Sent my W an email with the boundaries. She responded sounds good, like she doesn't even care. Then moved on to when I was picking up the kids tonight and what location she would be at. She is flat, not emotional and acts like she really doesn't give a crap. I read these other sitch's on the board and most everyone else is speaking to their W, getting mixed messages, maybe going out to dinner etc. My W is not doing anything, not initiating any conversations about anything. It really makes me feel like her mind is already made up, she is done and there is nothing I can do about it no matter what my efforts are.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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If it makes you feel better, my STBXH has been silent for months...until a few weeks ago but has now disappeared back to silence/OW/unicorn-hunting...no idea.

It's hard to see your M disappear and never actually be told why...just guess from the facts you can see in front of you.


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

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Originally Posted By: SmokeyD
Sent my W an email with the boundaries. She responded sounds good, like she doesn't even care. Then moved on to when I was picking up the kids tonight and what location she would be at. She is flat, not emotional and acts like she really doesn't give a crap. I read these other sitch's on the board and most everyone else is speaking to their W, getting mixed messages, maybe going out to dinner etc. My W is not doing anything, not initiating any conversations about anything. It really makes me feel like her mind is already made up, she is done and there is nothing I can do about it no matter what my efforts are.


Don't worry about what is going on with her response...detach. I know its hard, believe me. FWIW, besides some correspondence on getting her stuff, clothes/pick-up times for the kids, mine doesn't talk much either. The true test now will be does she actually stay outside the boundaries you set...


Me 51, Wife 44; Married 4; Together 10;
HSD20, XWSD13, XWSS14, XWSS17
Kids Together D4, D1.52
W Moves Out: 03/16/17
W Files : 03/17/17
D Final: 10/23/17
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Detaching has been the hardest part but I do feel like I am making progress each day. I do know that I have made changes in my life and realize I was in a rut over the past year. I am more energetic, lost weight, put on muscle, addressed all the things that I remember her complaining about (outside of the wood floors and the dogs). For some reason I think it is more than all of this stuff, depression, questioning where she is in life, not content etc. Whatever it is I feel like myself and the kids are all caught up in it and there is nothing we can do.

Detach....detach......detach!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Originally Posted By: Treasur
...until a few weeks ago but has now disappeared back to silence/OW/unicorn-hunting...no idea.


Is it legal to hunt unicorns in the UK?

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Quote:
Sent my W an email with the boundaries. She responded sounds good, like she doesn't even care. Then moved on to when I was picking up the kids tonight and what location she would be at. She is flat, not emotional and acts like she really doesn't give a crap. I read these other sitch's on the board and most everyone else is speaking to their W, getting mixed messages, maybe going out to dinner etc. My W is not doing anything, not initiating any conversations about anything. It really makes me feel like her mind is already made up, she is done and there is nothing I can do about it no matter what my efforts are.


Is she doing IC for herself? Or has she indicated that this is something she wants to do?


No one is coming to save you!

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Nope....she told me she is broken and probably needs years of therapy. I suggested MC before she moved and she told me it wouldn't work. She has battled depression and has been on medication for it most of her life. She had a really crappy childhood and essentially has no mother or father she could count on. Me and our girls meant everything to her until this point. I just hope she finds her way........


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 584
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Will check out if unicorn hunting replaced foxes....!!!


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

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W just sent me an email that one of her cousins committed suicide and she flying home to the memorial service........it is a history with this one side of her family. Should I call her and comfort?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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