Oh I am on the personal hygene wagon....I got that locked in! I got our shutters fixed in the house which was about $600 bucks and something she had complained about. When she went into the house today she was looking for weights so she could work out at home. I wonder if my weight loss, combined with additional muscle is making her think she needs to up her game
This is the email I typed......our girls are always around us so it would be hard to talk in person. Short and to the point. Thoughts??
Below are a couple of items I want to let you know. I would tell you in person but the girls are always around.
- I did take your name off of our joint account since you now have your paycheck being deposited into your account. Your debt card will not work.
- I would appreciate it if you would not go into the house un-announced. If you need something retrieved please let me know what it is and I can bring it to you when I pick up/drop off the girls. If it’s an emergency then please reach out to me and ask.
Kguy....everything she complained about was superficial and could be rectified. These were her complaints.
1. Wood floors 2. The dogs 3. I gained weight 4. I spent too much time on the computer 5. Needed to change my socks, underwear and t-shirts more often 6. I didn't do yard work like I used to 7. I do have some anxiety issues and she complained that I don't do anything about it.
I can't think of anything else......she said I am content with my life and she is not. She never told me what her dreams or aspirations where but I think she felt like I did not push her to be a better person and was not content with the life she had. I guess she felt there was more I thought she was missing out on something. She never could tell me though what it was she was missing. I guess it was the idea of something new.
I don't know that I agree these are superficial.
Doesn't this translate to "he's a fat slob with poor hygiene who spends all his time on the computer and doesn't help around the house or mange his own mental health"?
That seems significant to me.
Clearly, you are willing and able to work on things, which is great, and I'm on the board because of my own failings as a spouse, so I get how it happens even though things seem fine to you. But reading this list, it doesn't seem frivolous or superficial.
I'm not saying leaving was the right choice!
But "superficial" seems dismissive of what seem like valid complaints.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Rose...I get it and respect your opinion. I just don't think it is D worthy and to not say anything about D ever or want to go to MC is to work on it is BS. Especially as I helped her through her own depression issues, problems with her mom etc. Heck I lost 20 lbs in the first 3 weeks after she told me .
So my wife met a mutual friend at the pool today with our D's. The friend called me on the phone after their meeting and indicated that she asked my W if she was coming back home and my W told her "no". My W also sid that she told her siblings this week about the situation. My W also mentioned that she has not cried yet and feels rather numb about the situation. Our mutual friend said that my W indicated on the weekends either she stays home and watches Netflix or goes out with her girl friends. My birthday is next week so she was asking about that, whether or not she should go out to eat with us and was asking our friend if she thinks my parents are mad at her. I guess she also hung out here at my house for a while today.
Is my W delousional? Hasn't cried yet? Thinking about my birthday? Wondering if my parents are mad at her? Our friend also indicated that she seemed very flat, not energetic or her normal self. She removed her mother from her life about 1.5 yrs ago and I wonder if that combined with what she is going through has got her to this point. I wonder if she is really hurting inside and just doesn't let me see it?
Kinds bumbs me out she has told more people about our sitch and says she is not coming home.
32. Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
Edit #32 from "Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see." to what it says now, Point is believe Actions over Words - Cadet
Would you really want her at your birthday celebration?
I would think asking if your parents are mad at her would say she is worried how they would think of her should she come back (ie when she would be back around them), but don't read into it.
Me 51, Wife 44; Married 4; Together 10; HSD20, XWSD13, XWSS14, XWSS17 Kids Together D4, D1.52 W Moves Out: 03/16/17 W Files : 03/17/17 D Final: 10/23/17
Thanks KGuy, I really appreciate it........I could see my W approaching me about my birthday especially if my D's want to do something for me. I assume if they ask my W to bake a cake etc. it falls into the category of faking it and getting through it for my children?
Also I am having a really hard time with telling my W that she just can't come over to the house and let herself in whenever she wants. I guess I am afraid of her reaction and what that will mean for us, I do not do well with confrontation.
I agree LH.....she has already moved out of the house so if she did not respect my boundaries how could I enforce them if she continued to come over? Change the code on the garage? Locks on the house? Just curious. Thanks!
