If things go in that direction. I plan on just walking away after signing those papers. No talk, no hug, no handshake. Just walking away and out the door. Why would I be there for someone who doesn't want me around? Saying that mess sounds like nothing more than a last ditch effort to win her over. And by that point, no longer my W, no longer my problem. Let OM be there for her.
I guess you're right. I would think that if we're all trying to DB and get our Ws back we wouldn't do that. I know that DBing is about improving ourselves, but if the goal of DBing is to ultimately show our Ws that they made a mistake letting us go, then wouldn't doing what you suggested harm that attempt? I'm not being a jerk (probably naive), but I'm curious. I suppose it all comes down to the W decided on her own that she made a mistake, seeing our "new" selves and then deciding if she wants to come back - is that it?
Married 9, Together 13, Divorce in Progress M: 44, W: 44, S: 7 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/19/17
I wouldn't call it being a jerk. But if your W needs something, she would typically contact you. She wouldn't contact a friends or even family. You the H would be that person. So if your no longer her H, then the choice would be. A boyfriend or friend. And I already know that my W has no friends who are going to be there for her like me. And OM ain't going to step away from his W to do anything.
The moment the WW officially divorces you. That fantasy of hers suddenly becomes a reality. And that new reality will be the thing that brings her back to you. Seeing you do things for a girlfriend and you just showing yourself being a better choice will make her realize that the reality with you is far better than the reality she created for herself.
Like I said, if W chooses OM. Then let him deal with her wants and needs. The grass always seems greener on the other side. W should be able to see that once reality settles with OM. Then the real question is whether you want W back in your life?
I saw your post on Coverts thread and will respond here. You said you tried GAL and it didn't work. GAL is not a trick, it's for your own we'll being. There is no magic bullet to fix your situation.
Your only option is to move on and live an awesome life without her. As Accuray often says "things have to get worse before they get better". They may mean you get divorced. Divorce is just a legal document that says your not married anymore. Doesn't mean you will never get back together.
One of my best friends parents divorced when he was 12. They hated each other and would argue at his baseball games. Psychology messed him up. His dad remarried his mother never did. His dads second wife passed about five years ago. Three years ago his mom and dad got back together. True story. Like Cadet always says " it's not over to you say it's over.
I saw your post on Coverts thread and will respond here. You said you tried GAL and it didn't work. GAL is not a trick, it's for your own we'll being. There is no magic bullet to fix your situation.
Your only option is to move on and live an awesome life without her. As Accuray often says "things have to get worse before they get better". They may mean you get divorced. Divorce is just a legal document that says your not married anymore. Doesn't mean you will never get back together.
One of my best friends parents divorced when he was 12. They hated each other and would argue at his baseball games. Psychology messed him up. His dad remarried his mother never did. His dads second wife passed about five years ago. Three years ago his mom and dad got back together. True story. Like Cadet always says " it's not over to you say it's over.
LH19,
Thanks for your response and words of encouragement.
It's odd, but since filing for D, my W has been slightly more talkative and nice to me. I guess the pressure is off her? Weird.
Married 9, Together 13, Divorce in Progress M: 44, W: 44, S: 7 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/19/17
Yes I am sure the pressure is off her for now. They key now is to focus on your son and become the man you want to be. What are your goals? Are you addressing your anger issues?
Yes. I'm seeing a therapist for dealing with the D and my moodiness/anger. I don't believe I have an "anger" problem. More like low self esteem and pessimism.
As for goals, I'm deciding between finishing my MBA or going to law school. Though, I need to wait for the dust to settle on the D.
Married 9, Together 13, Divorce in Progress M: 44, W: 44, S: 7 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/19/17
Though I understand that my W's EA partner is not the cause of our failed M, is it ever advisable to contact him and let him know how much he has messed up my family?
Married 9, Together 13, Divorce in Progress M: 44, W: 44, S: 7 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/19/17
I'm going through some anxiety about finding a nice place for me and my son. I'm so afraid that my W will find a place before me to show the court that I don't have my stuff in order and earn primary custody. Maybe I'm just freaking out for no reason. Just venting.
Married 9, Together 13, Divorce in Progress M: 44, W: 44, S: 7 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/19/17
OM doesn't give a damn about how he has hurt your family. Some of these guys even make it a goal to pursue married women. If anything it will give him and your W something to laugh about. And at the end of the day, OM owes you nothing unless he was your friend. You need to be directing your anger at your W for allowing things to happen with OM.
