Detach??? How when my waw has contact her choice at least 3 times a week. She lives one town over with her mom. The kids are old enough they drive but she still does family activities with us including church services and family bible study.
You need boundaries and - Yes you can DETACH.
Fake it until you make it. Read up on the articles about it and no try - Just DO.
Originally Posted By: Nrthman
I quess i feel that if i hadn't became distant a couple years back my family would not be going through this now. My wife and kids always were top on my list and when my arm chair and TV replaced them for a time i believe it overwelmed my wife.
Although you being distant is not different than her being distant - I do not believe it is a DIVORCEABLE offense.
It is NOT the cause of what you are going through, that I am sure.
Originally Posted By: Nrthman
My wife talks about being empty inside. Says she knows that she maybe depressed but will not act on this by going to a doctor or councillor.
YOU can NOT FIX her depression. You can not tell her anything. Best to step away from her and not get pulled into her turmoil.
She has shut down completely. I have done some snoopng trying not to do that any more. She will finish work on a friday and some weekends only leave her room at her mothers to eat and use the restroom. I believe at this time she is just overwelmed with life i guess. Also the difference in her overal look she will wear same outfit multiple days and has looked very un kept for the last few months. She visits and calls no one except her kids.
I understand why you asked that question but i dont thi k we are on that path yet.
My wife talks about being empty inside. Says she knows that she maybe depressed but will not act on this by going to a doctor or councillor. I just listen but at time im very worried about her she makes comments like "if im still alive" and if the kids have any issues she seems to blame herself and will show signs of selfharm. This is all new behavior within last 8months to a year. Who do i turn to the MIL has blinders on she just believes marriage needs to be over for her xaughter to get better.
THAT IS NOT GOOD!!!!!! My W went through that after our S was born. "Empty inside" was exactly how she described it. Had no feelings. Felt like an empty shell. She had to get on A/D's to get back to her normal self. Now she's afraid to quit taking them. This puts you in a tough spot because it sounds like your W needs help, but she doesn't want it from you. And any attempt you make to ask someone to intervene is likely just going to make her think you're "trying to rally the troops" against her. All I know to tell you is if she opens up to you about that then listen to her, and validate. Don't try to "fix" her, just listen. Read the sticky thread on validation, it's a good one.
The infidelity could be a fantasy inside her head, a character in a romance novel, book, movie, movie star. Any of these do not involve YOU. Their is no way for you to know what is swirling around in her head. She is unlikely to tell you and if you ask it will be a lie, so that is not an option.
So again infidelity does not need to involve a REAL person.
Cheating and infidelity do not have to involve another person. What you are describing fits perfectly with NO OTHER PERSON.
Can i ask for clarification on that please Cadet?
PA = physical affair EA = emotional affair (W may be emotionally attached to someone who is or is not emotionally attached to her) IA = imaginary affair (W imagines a knight in shining armor will ride in to sweep her off her feet)
In some ways IA's are the worst, because they are perfect. EA's and especially PA's eventually unravel once the affair partner is no longer on their best behavior. And let's face it, any guy that is willing to engage in an affair with a married woman is of dubious character to begin with, so most affairs are doomed from the word "go". But an IA? It's whatever she can imagine. Hard to compete with perfection!
Did i say i was confused! Leaving for a long weekend with the kids wife has been very involved with final planning and has made it clear she is going with us. She wants to keep making good memories so the bad ones are not at the forfront of her thinking. Still only brings up 4-5 arguements over a 5 year period that seem to be on her mind constantly. She says she has noticed how the kids and i have pulled together to stay active with friends and family. She talks about shuting down well in groups and hopes by making good new memories she will stop feeling empty inside. We haven't spent more then 2 hours together at any one time in the last 5 months now she will be with the family for 3 days. I am very worried about this.. i feel im giving her space but then she comes close for a time and then pulls away upset at who im not sure!
The last sit down conversation we had i thanked her for sticking by me when i was going throuh a rough patch. I let her know i would be there for her if she needed me but i would not be asking her to come home. I let her know the door was open as long as we could keep trust in the marriage.
Well i guess i will try not to overthink it and enjoy the weekend thanks again to Cadet and Anotherstander you have given me lots to reflect on.
