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Need some advice, I may have got some evidence of an affair. My mom came across some books that my wife has uploaded on goodreads titled 131 ways to talk dirty to your lover and Ethical Slut a practical guide to open relationships. Is this something I should ask my wife about or let it go?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Let it go. If you confront her on books she will deny and if she is doing anything she will take it underground. Just make a note and move on.

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Ok...I will and I agree me confronting her will do more harm than good. I guess I need to get my emotions in check and process. I always new an A was very likely but I had no proof at this time there are too many smoking guns with her behavior to deny it at this time. I feel numb, angry but I guess not as bad off as I thought I would be. I have to remember that this person is no longer my loving wife and she has changed into a completely different person. I also need to decide how long I am willing to ride this out and if me having more information changes my mind and I initiate the D.

On the flip side trivia night was fun, we got 10th out of 20th place.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Mar 2017
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Smokey, if you can accept it as the worst, then the trickle truth you would likely get won't kill you. Only you can decide when you are done. Good job focusing on your silver lining for the evening.

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Thanks.....it was hard after discovering. I don't understand why she would put something like that out there for everyone to see. I mean my mom and her are friends on Goodreads along with other family members. She is also a teacher also so really anyone could google it. On one hand I want to say something to her for her own protection not about an A just like dude you need to be careful but on the other hand I know it's not my responsibility any more. Why would she put that out there in a public forum?

Still processing this morning....I will see her this evening when I pick up my kids.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Aug 2012
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Originally Posted By: SmokeyD
Need some advice, I may have got some evidence of an affair. My mom came across some books that my wife has uploaded on goodreads titled 131 ways to talk dirty to your lover and Ethical Slut a practical guide to open relationships. Is this something I should ask my wife about or let it go?


It's not really evidence of anything though, is it? It may be part of her fantasy affair, kind of like reading a romance novel. If she's having an A then you'll find out sooner or later even with no snooping. But if you push her about it, like OwnIt said she will just deny it and go deeper undercover with it.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I feel better about it this morning understanding that the possibility is real but nothing about my feelings have really changed. I know in time everything will be clear and I will know what decisions to make regarding how long I am willing to wait for my W vs cutting bait and filing for D myself.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Got temp checked again today, W sent me a pic of my girls and what they were doing. I responded by saying ha..that's cool, looks like they are having fun.

When she temp checks does that mean I am doing the right things or am I being too distant?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Picked up the girls from the wife tonight.......she came to the door and was all business like and not friendly. Much different this time then how she has been acting towards me before. Any advice what this means or is? All the other times she has been upbeat and friendly........could she be testing me to see how I respond?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Apr 2017
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Odd are that W realized she was being nice to you. And changed her behavior as she remembers she was mad at you. It happens, but W will be nice to you again like today never happened. If there is OM, then she may have been talking or with him. Which means being nice to you in her mind means being unloyal to him.


MR: 15 T:17
Me: 37 W: 34
S14
BD/PA/EA: 12/2016
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