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#2751167 - 07/14/17 10:52 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: AnotherStander]
Joseph9 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/03/17
Posts: 988
Had my first coaching session today with Leni.......it was productive. I walked away with understanding that my W is in a MLC and that I need to continue doing what I have been along with trying suggest activities for my W and kids/I to participate together and also follow the lighthouse story along with trying to be friends. The coach said my situation was certainly not lost and seemed encouraged that my W was not pushing for a D. We also discussed some Do's and Don'ts which definately align with what I have not been doing the pursuing, calling etc.

My W texted me earlier today and told me she was struggling with our D's today and that she needed a break. This might have been the wrong thing to do in some people's view but I told her she was a good fing mom and I gave her $100. She didn't want to take it at first but I told her she had been very active with the girls this summer and I wanted to contribute. She took the money then started to cry.

Not sure what that means other than she probably appreciated it and will have fun with the OM tonight!
_________________________
Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Papers: N/A

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#2751169 - 07/14/17 10:54 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Joseph9]
Joseph9 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/03/17
Posts: 988
I did ask the DB coach on whether or not giving her money was acceptable and she had no problem with it since I was giving her money for the entertainment my W has provided my kids this summer.
_________________________
Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Papers: N/A

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#2751171 - 07/14/17 11:17 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Joseph9]
Tread Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/17
Posts: 770
So you basically just gave W money for her to have a nice romantic dinner with OM? Let your W provide the entertainment when she has them. Let her get used to doing things on one income.
_________________________
MR: 15 T:17
Me: 37 W: 34
S14
BD/PA/EA: 12/2016

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#2751240 - 07/15/17 05:11 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Tread]
Joseph9 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/03/17
Posts: 988
True....I get it. Live and learn.....still working on the getting out of the me supporting her mode. I think I have done everything else good with the not contacting her, no relationship talk, etc. but still have some work to do in other areas.

Anyway.....spent about 1.5 hrs with the W today at our D's basketball games. I thought I was upbeat and we joked with each other. No relationship talk or anything came up and most of the conversation was centered around our D's. I did ask jer if she was ready for school to start and she said she was. At one point she made a joke and hit her elbow and she said don't do that and then said no i am just kidding. It wasn't planned it as just my reaction but obviously she didn't like it....oh well. She still seems to be wound pretty tight with her emotions and does not give me an inch. She also mentioned to me that she told our D's b-ball coach last week that to take it easy on her because if she seems distracted it is because we are going through a D.

Even though I do not have any papers yet I do feel as though my W is not going to change her mind no matter what I do. It is hard to do a 180 when she doesn't tell you what you need to work on. I guess I am just feeling a little down today and even though it has only been 1 mth into our separation I know this is not going to end soon. At this point I don't think she wants to view me in a different light no matter what I do.She shows no interest anything to do with me. It just hurts.

I have my D's all weekend so we will go swimming this afternoon, hit church tomorrow morning and probably out to the lake on Sunday. I hope you all have a great day.
_________________________
Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Papers: N/A

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#2751299 - 07/16/17 03:13 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Joseph9]
Tread Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/17
Posts: 770
Don't worry about it, no one is expecting you to back away from wanting to take care of your W in a day. My W came home the other night with her foot sore and could barely walk on it. So what do I do? I come in with ice and pills for her to take. And getting a comfortable pillow for her to rest her foot on. Naturally I want to take care of her like I've always done. But afterwards, I felt foolish for doing so. My mentality probably should have been "Let OM handle that foot if he so great." Which he honestly won't.
_________________________
MR: 15 T:17
Me: 37 W: 34
S14
BD/PA/EA: 12/2016

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#2751311 - 07/16/17 05:56 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Tread]
Joseph9 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/03/17
Posts: 988
Ok I dont feel so bad then!! I came across a great website called good guys to great men that has helped me out the last couple of days. It helped me be more confident about who I am as a person, man and what I bring to the table. I am really starting to accept that I did nothing wrong in this relationship and all of the problems are with her. I am also starting to believe that she does not deserve a man like me. Do I want my marriage to work, yes but I if my wife wants to come back then she will have to understand and accept that we are not going back to the way it was before. She will also have to realize that if she can't provide me with what I need then I am out.

Anyway.....I do realize that no contact is the best method and continuing to work on myself is the only option. I don't want to be too caught up with analyzing every move of hers and mine. It is to exhausting and at the end of the day it doesn't mean anything. Game playing about responding or not responding to text's etc. If she loves me and wants to be with me then she will come back....if she doesn't then good ridence.

I feel like we get caught up in the game of she has to feel like you have moved on. Have any of us really? If we did then we would file for D and if that ain't happening then the H or W knows that your still around and you have not completely moved on.

Anyway...thats my rant for the day. I just need to continue to keep this momentum up because it does feel liberating!

Thanks for reading.
_________________________
Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Papers: N/A

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#2751451 - 07/17/17 04:01 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Joseph9]
Joseph9 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/03/17
Posts: 988
Not much new on my sitch. Took my girls to church yday morning and then rock climbing in the afternoon. Exchanged a few text messages with the W and sent her a few videos of the girls climbing. It has been 1.5 mths since BD and 1 mth since she moved out. Still no D papers and no talks about our relationship, where we are going, etc. I think being in limbo is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is much harder when I have my girls because I wonder what the W is doing with her free time. I have found getting past that has been the hardest part. The other hard part is not snooping........
_________________________
Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Papers: N/A

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#2751532 - 07/17/17 08:43 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Joseph9]
Chase20 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/17
Posts: 61
I struggle with the same thing. When I have my D I am consumed by what is W doing. Then I remind myself that I have chosen to be in the this place of limbo, I could end it if that was the path I wanted to take.
By torturing myself over what my W could be doing I realize I am putting up resistance against the universe/God's path. It is one of the lessons that I think all of us on here have to learn before the opportunity for R will present itself.

I have an email dialogue going with a coach and he wrote this to me the other day...maybe you can find some peace in what he said.


"The ego always operates out of self interest. Protection. Reaction.
The higher self always observes. There is no reaction in observation. Only being. Presence.
Judgement, revenge, anger, emotion - all part of ego.
Love, acceptance, calmness, presence, steady-ness - all part of higher consciousness

The more you can let things go and let things be, the faster your spiritual growth in this area.
Release - have a loose hand. Let the Universe have some room to guide. EVEN if it hurts."
_________________________
M:38 W: 30
T: 7
M: 4
D: 2
BD: 1-13-17
Sep: 1-13-17

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#2751560 - 07/17/17 11:54 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Chase20]
Joseph9 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/03/17
Posts: 988
Thanks Dude...that is cool. I appreciate you sharing, I will post this on my bathroom mirror to review each morning
_________________________
Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Papers: N/A

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#2751663 - 07/18/17 02:27 AM Re: WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! [Re: Joseph9]
Joseph9 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/03/17
Posts: 988
Nothing new with my sitch. I did not hear from my W yesterday outside of her responding to an email I sent her reminding her that our D had basketball practice last night. I sent her a text message this morning asking her if she could stop by the house and pick up our other D's Thyroid meds because I forgot to pack them. In my text I told her I had put them in the mailbox. No response.

She is probably mad at me for some reason......I took our D's rock climbing on Sun and sent her some videos of it. The first time we had ever done so.......maybe that got her thinking.

Anyway I went to the gym last night and then came home to listen to some motivational Tony Robbins speeches. Will hit the gym again tonight and probably finish up watching House of Cards. Emotions are still up and down but I do feel like I am making progress personally even though it is very slow going.

Still no word from my W on D....our D's are in soccer camp this week from 8:30 to 11:30 so we will see if she has time this week to consult with a L since before her excuse was money.
_________________________
Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Papers: N/A

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