Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,265
Likes: 58
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,265
Likes: 58
Just have to chime n here but some of this with FF and new GF seem so obvious to me. First off there is no way you can know that this new 23 year old is "perfect" for FF. There is no way they could even know that - you're just making yourself feel bad thinking about it. Sure it may seem that way but even your D just said the OW that came after you with your X is not living a great life, yet you thought ex found his perfect match after you. So at this point FF is just dating someone new. That's all we can know for sure.

I'll then take it a step further - and this is actually a bigger point. If, and that is a big if, but IF this new girl is perfect for FF then it is totally clear that you and he were never a match or perfect for ach other. You are such a different person than this girl. You have life expierence, parenting expierence, a career, education, on and on. The differences between the two of you are vast. Not saying she is worse or anything but for certain different. If this is FFs perfect match you would have been dating below your bar. For sure it shows in just how different places you two were. That's just the truth. About the only thing you and new girl may have in common is you are both pretty. Otherwise it's no contest.

I hope you'll give that some thought.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
Hi Ginger,

I'm sorry about your injury. I know that $&@?! so be kind to yourself.

You remind me so much of a good friend of mine. It's eerie with what you say. In regards to FF, I'm going to sound unromantic and logical do take this for what it's worth. You know what? You got a taste of a relationship. You have been lonely over the years. That isn't bad or abnormal-quite the contrary. Your time with him
Showed you that you could have a nice R and connect with someone. I realize it hurts however, maybe the universe was reminding you that you can "love" or feel deeply for someone again.

I'll probably get lambasted for this but I'll take my punches :-) I'm not surprised in the least that FF is dating someone or that she's 23. Quite frankly, that may be what is a best fit for him. This is exactly zero reflection of you. However, I doubt seriously girl is perfect. No one is. That's your fragile ego speaking. You are fantastic and awesome. I guess what im trying to say is that it can't work with someone who is looking for something else. And this is the most important part...it does not mean that you aren't beautiful, funny, smart and a wonderful mother. It just means he wanted something different. Not better. Just different. And no one wants to truly be with someone who doesn't want us.

Hang in there and take care of yourself.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: kml
Maybe a hot single physical therapist! smile



Physical Therapists are super nice and make great partners!!!

Ginger, I love reading your threads. The advise is just on target. Although I know first hand that relationships with larger age gaps do work, I have learned that I am going to stick with guys that have similar life experiences as I.

Its crazy, but this brutally honest guy was talking about dating and levels. He was saying that I would have to stick with dating guys that are in similar situations as me...(children, divorce) or else "go down a few levels". He was basically telling me that whatever guy that matches whatever rating I score on looks, profession, income can technically date up and find a younger more attractive woman.

Now if i look at this comment logically I get what hes saying. And in my next life i am coming back a man. But it really disturbed me because I always hoped that it was as easy as just getting together with some one you connect with. And that does happen, but realistically is that always how things work? Down the line, does it stand?

I feel in my heart and intuition that you are going to meet this really great guy. The universe may just be preparing you right now.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
Juju,

(Sorry for the hijack, G). Most of my friends are men. They do have a brutal, yet honest way of assessing situations. I would love to be a guy some days. Really.
I think the key is finding someone who is accepting of your baggage( we all have it) and vice versa. I *do* think it *can* be as simple as meeting someone you click with. Unfortunately, there are many folks who even of they like someone, are always looking for better. And some people are simply incapable of having real relationship. Doesn't make them bad people-just not good dating partners. That sounds awful and jaded right? I just stay steer clear of those folks.

Keep the faith, G. I'm a big believer that there really are lots of someone's for everyone.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
frown Time to have some patience with yourself G ... that's always hard, isn't it?

I wish I had more words of wisdom, but basically I echo what everyone else has said, esp Cadet, Kml and DonH.

Focus on healing your body. Trust that the rest will fall into place.
xoxoxoxo
sending hugs


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Wow, everyone, it's very nice to read all these posts and thank you all for taking the time out to post to me.

Absolutely I am ASSuming. I just drew a logical conclusion from the facts. Georgia and Juju, you are absolutely correct. Age differences don't matter so much. Where you are in life does. I think we were both really trying to fit a square peg in a round hole with where we were in life. It doesn't fit. I need someone in a similar point in life as I. So does he. He just happened to find it in record time. I am happy for him finding it, if he did, they are a much better fit given life goals and circumstances. We had something special, but not enough to sustain.

I did get a taste of a real R and it has been very difficult for me to lose it, yes. I didn't realize how much I missed sharing my time and my life with someone. It was made a reality I hadn't known in many, many, many years. I miss it awfully. We just happened to click and that made it that much better. These days I come home, go through the routine, D9 goes to bed, I stare at the TV and half-assed watch a show, or I read a book, but I do go to bed early because I am going stir crazy.

And thank you Don. She is perfect for him, yes, but not perfect. Heck, I don't even know her. She isn't all that hot either.

The good news is I am really taking an effort to not know a darned more thing about them. His sister doesn't log onto Fb all that often, but she posted something to my knee comment. I no longer follow her page, but I don't want to unfriend her.

I could only dream of finding a hot single PT! That would definitely be a silver lining!

Whatever happening now must be happening for some sort of reasons. Or it's just bad luck. But either way, I just keep going. What else can I do?

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Oh, and ya know. I actually do think my ex is quite content. He plays his Vball a few times a week, has his kid sometimes, a W who puts up with his horridness, and no other real responsibilities aside from work.

But do I think OWW is happy? Nope!

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
Originally Posted By: Ginger1
But do I think OWW is happy? Nope!

Luckily she is not your problem.


Me-70, D37,S36
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: Ginger1
Oh, and ya know. I actually do think my ex is quite content. He plays his Vball a few times a week, has his kid sometimes, a W who puts up with his horridness, and no other real responsibilities aside from work.

But do I think OWW is happy? Nope!


Sometimes everything does happen for a reason ginger.

I think about the posts you wrote about you're daughter and ex's relationship. It's actually good that she has a buffer and is learning and identifying at a really early age what is ok. Imagine how things could have been for her had your ex stayed. She and you might not have recognized dysfunction.

If my ex stayed with me, we would have been constantly fighting over his lack of family involvement. My son would have been exposed to this. I could have been responsible for his financial issues. My health could have been at risk if he took up IV drug use, or if he was cheating.

Like you said it's better not to try and fit a square peg into a round hole, or you get stuck with someone uncomfortable that will do anything to get out!

Being comfortable with loss and letting sone one go is crucial yet for some reason we fight it.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
JuJU,

I agree, this had to have happened for a reason. I hate that it has happened and he couldn't be a decent human being, but if he is this bad, this is the best situation for my D. I spent a good 9 years with exH making excuses for his behavior and why I tolerated. I don't want that for my D. She needs me as a person who is outside of the situation now to help guide her. And, OW is a buffer. I couldn't imagine if it was just ex and D9.

As for being comfortable with loss, I have really been thinking about that lately. I have experienced tons of it, but I have always resisted it. That's why I couldn't let exH go when I should have before were married. I accept loss now and lean into the pain that comes with it. I may sounds nutso sometimes, but it is really me dealing with the loss rather than resisting it. It takes me longer to get over things now because I am fully acknowledgable of the loss and I am actually dealing with it and facing it.

Yesterday I was supposed to see my IC, first time since the injury and finding out about FF GF. I had been itching for this appointment as a much needed outlet. But the kiddo wasn't feeling good and I had to get pick her up earlier. So I rescheduled for Friday.

I've have been feeling down on myself. I feel fat and ugly and I can't do much about it. My weight gain has me feeling disgusted. But I have been socializing and having dinners, BBQ's and drinks which is good I am getting out, but it's not good for the weight.
My joy of food is all I kind of got now. I need to curtail it. I gained 6lbs since feb and I am just not happy with it. 6lbs is a big difference on me.

Tomorrow night I begin PT. Atleast I will be engaging in an activity that doesn't involve food.

I have also been taking an inventory of all the men in my life and how things have went down. That inventory makes me sad. I gave everyone something they needed in their lives and they ran to the next person with it. I see pretty much all of them in a happy loving relationship now(I know the happy is an assumption, but I do think they are, and it's not that I don't want them to be)it's more like "Where's Mine?!?" who's going to stick around for me?

Time will tell.

Sorry so depressing. You would never know it from the outside.

Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard