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A Message from Michele
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#2751514 - 07/17/17 07:39 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: Ginger1]
25yearsmlc Offline

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 13511
Loc: CA- now East coast
as for random comforts...

dolphins, if you're near the water, a medium for my grieving mama friend,

Game of Thrones for me this week, and Divorcecare and finding a JOB that I care about...that would be lovely.

of course you're jealous of FF. I mean, yeah...(dare I say "duh"?)

since he already knew her their r can move faster, btw.

Does not mean he was cheating on you, and in fact you may have diverted him off his path towards her, but he had an already established bond with her.

Given the internal conflicts with him, I think you know in your HEAD, that it would not have panned out. What he seemed like is not who he was fully.

A part of him was ALL IN and a part was not, which is contradictory of course.

We all have mixed feelings, but his were more overt and thus more confusing to you.

I'm about to date someone. And i just want to apologize to him up front, for being the first guy I date after such a long marriage, you know?

I mean, I am sure I have triggers but I also think I have triggers I don't know about and that's going to $uck to discover in real time.

OH I meant to say that the physical therapy for the knee, which I know you know, but I'm gonna nag anyhow,

is that if you stop doing it when you "feel pretty much better" that ain't enough.

I stopped doing my PT for my knee when I couldn't get any more leg rubs from the cute PT guy (hey I was in high school!) and the electric stuff seemed useless. MY mistake!

By age 45, the injury took its toll and it is a pain for me now. I NEED to exercise and the knees both bother me and so I gain weight and yada yada

you get the point. Do the PT...(see if you can get a cute PT who does massage therapy for your leg pain, i mean if you get a choice!)

I'm sending Blessings your way Ginger....
M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
I File D 10/16
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

Embrace the Change

#2751540 - 07/17/17 08:58 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: 25yearsmlc]
kml Offline

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13750
JJ lost her mom last week - but has privately been struggling with multiple myeloma and job loss for a year.

25 - tell your friend to go on a gluten-free diet. There is an association between gluten antibodies and multiple myeloma, it may be helpful, can't hurt.

#2751632 - 07/18/17 12:44 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: kml]
Ginger1 Offline

Registered: 02/14/15
Posts: 2448
Last night I went to Volleyball with D9. ExH met us there and played. I was carrying 2 camping chairs, and ex just walks over to the court. My guy teammates see m carrying these chairs with a brace and grab them from me and say I shouldn't be carrying them. My ex is really very oblivious to those around him. He is pretty darn good at VB now. I was friendly enough to ask if he wanted to stay with me, D9 and the guys for some food and beer, but he said he had ordered food at home. Good, because I really didn't want him there. I bought for the guys for helping me out last week. They made a mention of how me and the ex have a good relationship. I said yes, it was civil. I really do enjoy hanging out with the guys. It did make me sad I couldn't play, though. Ex is playing again next week, D9 and I will go again. it get's me out and socializing. It rained before the game and I thought it might be called off and I began to panic, because I just can't sit home. My mind can't handle it. Thankfully tonight I am going out for a friends birthday.

I regret more than anything seeing that profile pic of them. I should have stayed away. It won't get out of my head. I keep trying to tell myself it was a stupid 3 month fling we had, nothing serious so it was no big deal. But it isn't working. I have ran every scenario I have about how and when they got together, but I realize it just doesn't matter. They should have been together before were ever were. He wasn't the one for me, I know that now. He's got to do his young guy thing. I need to do my adult thing.

I will be sticking to my PT. Actually, I am looking forward to it. 1) it is SOME form of exercise, 2) it will get me back to my normal active lifestyle, 3) it will keep me busy.

Not being able to exercise is really not doing well for me. I need to not get fat and I have already put on some weight since I was seeing FF, and I am having a hard time shaking it. it goes up and down, but it's going to be so much more diet focused now.

I won't lie, I am stressed, sad, frustrated, hurt, all of that. But I have no choice but to go forward and keep the hope that this isn't the end of my story and this is how my life will be for the next 50 years. I began to tell myself I need to get used to it, but then I realize that better has got be yet to come.

#2751636 - 07/18/17 01:00 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: Ginger1]
Ginger1 Offline

Registered: 02/14/15
Posts: 2448
Wait, let me throw some positivity in there.....

The guys on my team adore my daughter. There was one more team-t-shirt left and they gave it to her and made her an official member. They enjoy her staying for happy hour. They make her the keeper of the shoes while we play. It really does warm my heart these guys are so great to my kid.

Part of me wonders what it was like for ex to see how friendly and helpful they all are to me and D9. I don't think he even notices, honestly.

#2751725 - 07/18/17 05:08 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: Ginger1]
doodler Offline

Registered: 03/07/16
Posts: 3160

Yeah, it's always nice when other adults take an interest in your children.

On Saturday, I was standing in the checkout line at Hobby Lobby and there was a small boy, probably about a year old, sitting in the shopping cart in front of me. He looked at me and pointed and loudly said, "DA-DA." All I could say was, "Oops, I didn't know about that one."

#2751836 - 07/18/17 03:56 PM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: doodler]
uRworthy Offline

Registered: 09/19/12
Posts: 3302
Hey G. So glad you had a nice trip. Wish I was there.

So you ever have a canker sore or a toothache or earache and you touch them to feel the pain? NO? Oh, maybe it's just me then. smile

Most times we have to walk through the pain to get to the other side. You and I are alike is some ways. I think this may be another way. We have to see something over and over until it really sets in. For me, it is sometimes the only way I get it.

I always say I need a brick building to fall on me sometimes, ya know?

When my life isnt going great...and it isnt now.. hasnt been for sometime for a lot of reasons..I pray and talk to my dad in heaven. And always....always...I am shone someone who has been through far worse than me.

Sometimes that helps get me back on track. Sometimes I need to have a good cry anyway. Because even though I know there are people with way more stuff to bare than me, sometimes I am just plain tired of it all.

So life succks some for you right now. You know you will pick yourself up again..its who you are. Long as you dont live are ok.

But I have also found that when I take some time to look at the good stuff in my life, it helps some.

The thing is G, it's all a process. It doesnt always feel like where are getting anywhere. And often it feels like we are going backwards some. But eventually we right the boat and carry on.

We are survivors. We are tough and strong and brave.

This is another setback for you for sure. But not for long. I know that without a single doubt.

You will get through this. You will be fine.

Can you stick your foot out as your ex passes? Whoops..i didnt mean to say that out loud. My bad.

G, that psychic sees what I see. I can feel it deep in my old bones. These are not just words I am writing. There will be someone special in your life...when you are ready..when it is time. You cant rush it. Just let it happen.

Love you, my friend. We have a date when you are feeling better to go eat ourselves silly in Brooklyn.

#2751870 - 07/19/17 01:18 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: uRworthy]
Ginger1 Offline

Registered: 02/14/15
Posts: 2448
You were very missed this weekend. I really can't wait to go east the crap out of Brooklyn!!

I love love love when you drop by on my little journal here. I always said I should just put it on paper, but feedback really helps me sort through my feelings and thoughts.

Yes, we definitely share the trait of poking something that hurts and saying "ouch, that hurts when I do that". To me, it is kind of a desensitation. I hope that if I keep poking at it, I won't feel it anymore. I remember when I first saw wedding pics of exH and OWW FB I would just stare until I felt nothing anymore. I wanted to do that with FF, but, really, why? I never have to him again. I don't have to see her. I am instead using everything I can now to not see them. I really wish I could unsee the picture because it haunts me.

Life is kind of sucking right now. But I know all the good I have and I am trying to focus there and get stuff handled. I am so sorry you are struggling too and I'll remind you every day I am here for you.

I hope when I am ready, that someone special is one that sees me as the only option for him. I have a feeling if it does happen, he will be amazing and he doesn't want to imagine his life with anyone but me.

We really are survivors. Thank you for reminding me. I have been feeling like I am going backwards or it's like groundhog day with the same cycle repeating itself. I want to leap forward as soon as my knee lets me, lol.

Miss you much!

#2751872 - 07/19/17 01:26 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: Ginger1]
Ginger1 Offline

Registered: 02/14/15
Posts: 2448
Oh...... speaking of tripping my D-bag of an exH. D9 had a crying fit about her father's rudeness and yelling yesterday when I picked her up. It began with her telling me someone had stolen her dollar bill from her backpack at camp. I asked her where in her backpack it was, I wanted to know if some kid is opening up her stuff. She left it on the mesh outside pocket so I simply told her to keep it where it can't be seen. She gets all defensive with me. I told her I wasn't blaming her, stealing is never wrong, but we put our money in the safest place possible. I explained I try to teach her stuff, I am not yelling.

So she bursts into tears and tells me she "has anger issues since 6 years old" I am like "what???" She goes to tell me her father is always yelling at her, that's why she though I was yelling at her. He gets angry so easily. Then she tells me how badly she feels for OWW because he yells at her when she put the chicken in the oven 2 minutes late, or forgot to bring the forks out to eat dinner.

I am absolutely heart broken. I know what she is saying is absolutely true. I used to put the wrong brand of something, put an ingredient he didn't want in a food, and I heard it. I was yelled at and insulted. He did not change his ways. I realize now D9 gets defensive when someone tries to talk to her the way I used to get defensive with him because it's how I protected myself. She sees her father treat OWW that way. he would have seen him treat me that way.

She knows it's wrong. She feels awful for herself and for OWW. I told her what daddy does is not right, and he used to do it to me too. She asked me why I even married him.

He is so messed up in the head. I hurt so badly my daughter has to experience what I did. OWW deserves, OTOH, but my daughter doesn't deserve to witness it.

I so want to kick him in the nuts;

#2751875 - 07/19/17 01:27 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: Ginger1]
Ginger1 Offline

Registered: 02/14/15
Posts: 2448
"stealing is never RIGHT" I should really proofread.....

#2751918 - 07/19/17 03:25 AM Re: like a drifter I was born to walk alone [Re: Ginger1]
Dawn70 Offline

Registered: 10/21/14
Posts: 1213
Glad you got away for a bit. It's nice to have that mental break sometimes. I hate that FF's new girlfriend is hitting you so hard, but you deserve SO much better. You know, I totally get it though. I wouldn't go back to my ex-husband if he was the last man on earth and he offered me 10 million dollars, but the first time I saw a pic of him and his new gf (now wife), I just about lost my mind. It hurts and brings up all sorts of insecurities in ourselves, so I totally understand your reaction. I think it's good that you blocked them both from all your social media. Just focus on you and don't worry about FF. He's not anywhere good enough for you!
Me 48, XH 50
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014

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