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Me too, SBJ. I'm just going to have to dig deeper for a bit of faith that God knows what he's doing and wants better for me than this.


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

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Her divorce was officially granted this morning by the judge.

It is time to get up, dust myself off, and figure out how to THRIVE in all of this. It is now time to focus 100% of my efforts on me and my 3 beautiful kids.

Thank all of you guys for all of the wonderful assistance you have given me and for the friendships I truly feel. I wish you all weren't just screen names. I truly feel the love.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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SBJ, you lovely man. I know this is not what you want, but it absolves you of worry for her going forward and spares you the pain of another lost anniversary. Claim this one for you and your broken heart that can now begin to mend.

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Originally Posted By: SBJ
Back to the subject at hand...the emotional roller coaster is crazy for sure. I guess I am just worrying that since it will be legal then the curtains will fall and "if" she is still in contact with the OM, then it will be OK for that to come out into the open. I'm trying to get that out of the old noggin. It's not my circus, nor my monkeys, but it still keeps popping up in my brain.


SBJ... I also had this 'fear' if you will until I really dove in and learned the ins and outs of affairs and MLC. You have to view the OM and the affair like Halloween candy to the MLCr, its a rush and tastes so good and all they want is more more more ... but to much and they will get sick. That rush they are on is very much a drug, the hidden affair adds to that, its secret, exciting but in time it will lose luster, the relationship was built on a foundation of lies and statistically will most likely not hold up.


Originally Posted By: SBJ
Her divorce was officially granted this morning by the judge.

It is time to get up, dust myself off, and figure out how to THRIVE in all of this. It is now time to focus 100% of my efforts on me and my 3 beautiful kids.

Thank all of you guys for all of the wonderful assistance you have given me and for the friendships I truly feel. I wish you all weren't just screen names. I truly feel the love.


Well ... its not what any of us ever wanted right? I am sorry that its gone to this point in what seems like a flash, but honestly looking back I wish mine had done so. I have said many times before that I feel the MLCr almost needs this to progress through to the other side .... and the LBS needs it maybe even more. I will not speak for other sitches but in my case, the old marriage I had definitely died as she entered the tunnel of the crisis, I lived for a few years blissfully unaware, then a few more years in denial and trying everything I could to prolong and fight it. I really think it kept us both stuck, and I also see similar situations here and elsewhere where this rings true.

I just think in a few cases that rock bottom can not be found till they exhaust all possible avenues to their imagined euphoria, unfortunately there is a good deal of destruction that takes place as they do this

Hang in there.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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SBJ,

We have walked this road together. I have learned so much from you. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. You really did everything you could. Take care of yourself and go out enjoy some time with your kids and/or your other family members. God still has great plans for you, just not the ones you expected.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Oh my dear chap, I'm sorry and we're all holding your hand from wherever we are. I'll be with you soon...but we know we did our best and that, as CaliGuy said, we can't stay stuck now in this terrible painful chaos.

You are a fine man, a good Dad, she is a fool and her broken bits say nothing about your value or how worth loving you are. None of us can stop a hurricane. Now we get to clear up and rebuild. Biggest hugs x


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

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I am sorry it has come to this...but you fought the good fight. Now, it's time to put your focus on you and your children. You will discover in the days to come, that the weight on your shoulders will begin to lighten because you aren't dealing w/the MLCer all of the time. It's time to turn the page in your Life's book and start a new chapter. As for your xw, she's on her own journey and will soon discover that divorce is not all that it's cracked up to be.

Take care of yourself and those precious children.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Sbj, I'm sorry it has come to this.

Know that you are a great person who did everything they could to try and salvage the m. I think you have a bright future ahead of you, for you and your children.

I echo was Cali mentioned. I think in most, if not all of these situations, the ending of the relationship needs to be carried out through the divorce. It hurts, but I think it's the only way for a possible r in the future, for a multitude of reasons that I won't get into here. And that's even if a R is desired.

Wishing you much peace and calmness in the days to come.


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I'm so sorry it came to this SBJ. You are a wonderful guy and deserve so much more than this!!!

No on to the next chapter! xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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SBJ......I am so sorry that things did not turn out how you had hoped they would. I hope you know that you are a wonderful man. Your children are very lucky to have you as their father.

Like everyone has said....now it is your time to go and do you smile

Remember.....one day at a time my friend smile

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