I guess like several of the guys have said on here, we might have been trying to make them or turn them into the person that we feel we need. I don't really know.
In my case my STBX told me when she was in the height of her affair that because of me that she was a better person than she would have been otherwise and that she was uncomfortable with that.
I know that they lie an awful lot but even looking back after all these months and then looking back further over all the years married and then further back over the life she had before I met her - I think she was telling the truth. I think that she had been working hard to make herself into the person she thought I wanted her to be and that she thought she should be. But it turned out that that person wasn't the real one.
Or I could be wrong yet again.
On a semi-related note I joked with her more than once over the years that we were married that if we had met each other in high-school that we wouldn't have look twice at the other as we would have been so incompatible. I like to think that I'm still pretty much the same guy I was at 17. More mature, more confident, a "lot" more depth but still pretty much the same guy. The devoted wife and mother that she played was far removed from the "party girl" that she was at the same age.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I have gotten this speech too. I lost myself in the m. I was trying for 20+ years to be someone that wasn't the real me. I can't fake it any more.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
