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BTW, that comment from her hurt like h€ll....


M:46 WXW:40
T:20 M:13
D3,D8,D10
BD:11/12/16
D:12/14/16
OM confirmed 01/20/17
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Maika Offline OP
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Quote:

BTW, that comment from her hurt like h€ll....


Oh man! That just tore my heart too. Only if you could tell your D where your heart was at and explain to her. Kids will trip you up like that and I don't know what my kids will say when we break it to them. I feel like a raging tiger right now wanting to protect my kids from this and her shattering their lives and the marriage.


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Maika Offline OP
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Thanks SmokeyD for sharing how you and your W did it. Kids are away at grandparents right now so we have a couple of weeks before we have to do this. I am going to do whatever to protect them and make this as easy as possible for the kids. Of course it's not going to be easy, but at this point I care more about how my kids will deal with this than making the W face the music.


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Marriage anniversary coming up next week. I am planning on completely ignoring it and not sending any message to my W about this. If she sends something, maybe I'll reply with something generic.

Any thoughts?


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Originally Posted By: Btrow
BTW, that comment from her hurt like h€ll....


I know exactly how you feel. In my case, I got a very tearful "Daddy, how come you don't want to marry mommy so we can all be together?"


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Maika Offline OP
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@ EastTN

From your signature it looks like things moved really fast. I am curious to know why you filed for D so quickly after BD. Do you have a thread about your story so that I can look at your sitch?


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I would reply with something generic if you get anything at all for our anniversary. My birthday is coming up next week and if I get a text I will just respond with thanks. If my D's end up doing something for me and their mom helps bake a cake or something them obviously I will participate.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
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Separation Date: 6/17/2017
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Quote:
I would reply with something generic if you get anything at all for our anniversary.


Yeah good advice. I just don't know if she will or not, but whatever. I am not playing pretend anymore.


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Maika Offline OP
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Had my IC session yesterday, which was really good. She basically reinforced all the DB and 37 rules, which was confirming to hear.

I am still struggling with trying to find an explanation for this. Everything she has stated about why she wants the S is not worthy in my mind about getting a S. All of those things we can work on. I have read Sandi's piece on WAS losing respect and admiration and I recognize that I have been a NGS. I have also consistently put her needs before mine all these years - which I thought I was doing to be a good partner and husband. All of that has backfired and now I am here.

I know I need to detach and not worry about the explanation, but I can't get it out of my head that she might have had a A - whether EA or PA. I don't have a shred of evidence and nothing so far points to her doing this, but people who do this are very secretive and deceptive. So, I am kinda stuck thinking about it.

It was bad last night with this. I started looking up car GPS trackers and almost bought one. I had to walk away from the computer so that I could get some sense in my head. I also thought seriously about hiring a PI.

Even though I didn't do either of those things, I just couldn't help thinking she's out enjoying life and partying on a Friday night. There was a letter that had come for her and so I decided to go and leave it at her new place mailbox. I just rationalized it - the letter could be urgent and important and she might need to see it right away. I drove over to her new place and her car was out front and all lights were off. It wasn't too late at night. So, either she was home sleeping or had gone out - took a cab, possible OM might have picked her up yada yada yada.. the options could be many.

So, I just dropped it off in her mailbox and stared at her place for a couplea mins and then drove back. Did not learn any new information - what a dumb thing to do.

Ahhhhh!!! This detachment $hIT is HARD!

I feel better this morning, but I recognize that I have a lot of anger in me what she is putting me and the kids through. I just want a proper explanation - and I know that there might not be a logical one at all.

Anyways, seems like nights are the hardest as I am alone right now. To remedy this, I am trying to GAL in the evenings and find things to do. Let's see how I feel.


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Sitch Desk Update (SDU):

I think what I did last night probably went against DB rules, but you good folks can tell me whether or not what I did was right. But first, this is what I have been doing for the last 2 weeks (W has moved her new place):

1. Being pleasant, chill, and upbeat
2. Not bringing up anything about the MR and R
3. Not initiating contact via phone or text
4. Only conversing about separation stuff - selling the house, finances, children, and using the attitude in point # 1
5. Not initiating any physical affection or ILY or anything close to that

So last night, we were texting back and forth about the sale of the house. After that, she texts me that there is an open invitation for me to come to her place for a glass of wine. I really debated back and forth what to do. Part of me wanted to not go, but part of me got really curious about why she would invite me over. A ridiculous part of me thought maybe this could be a booty call - I know it sounds dumb, but I haven't had sex in a few months and I have a high sex drive.

Curiosity got better of me and I went. We hung out and had some wine and clove cigs. Chatted about random stuff. At one point she asked me if I wanted to talk about anything serious - I replied that I didn't and asked if she wanted to talk about anything and she said no.

We were smoking out side on the front porch and after we were done, she asked me if I wanted to eat something with her, basically inviting me back in her place. I agreed and went in to see how things would unfold. We ate and chatted about movies and random stuff.

So, we continued to hang out for a bit more and then I decided that I needed to go and get some sleep. She asked me if I was okay to drive and I said yes. She walked me out and gave me a long hug and I left.

I was tempted to say to her - I am okay to drive but are you asking me to stay? All her actions indicated she didn't want to be alone. I didn't because that felt like pursuing and if she wants me to stay she should say it. I am not going to try and read her mind.

In the convo, she mentioned she was feeling depressed and I validated her feelings. I am fairly certain that there is no A in her life and she has just been spending time alone in her place and feeling miserable - which is indicating that she is feeling the consequences of her decision to S.

I am not sure if i should've gone to her place. I don't know if this is temperature checking, but I definitely think she is a WAW and not a WW.

I don't plan on repeating this as I want to focus on detachment, GAL, and a version of NC. However as it looks like she's a WAW, I am unsure if I should try and do things with her if she initiates it. What do y'all think?


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