Oh man! that scenario you went through about sex sounds hella confusing. That would totally make me mentally trip. Thanks for your feedback about the physical stuff during this weird time. It is definitely strange.
Yeah it was strange. Plus she said it to the MC, which was really out of character for her. She never talked openly like that about sex. This is the woman that wanted to have sex in the master bedroom closet on the floor with the door closed to the closet AND the bedroom because she was so afraid the kids might hear us, LOL!
The house is on the market as of today so let's see what happens. Should get some traction this week and next.
W has almost moved out of the matrimonial home to her new place. She is sleeping there and this is good. She is definitely emotional and the gravity of her decision is now hitting her. Last night she came over as we had to discuss finances and co-parenting and broke down crying. I validated her feelings but didn't comfort her. She walked in the kids bedrooms and cried and left the house in tears. As much as i hate seeing her like this, I am glad that the consequences of her decisions are hitting her slowly.
So we are pretty much physically separated, but will be more entangled until the house is sold and we finalize co-parenting plans and splitting up bills and other things.
Honestly, I feel a bit relieved that she's out, but I am really missing companionship and sleeping alone is just hard right now. I know it will get better and I am looking forward to getting my own place soon and having personal space that hasn't been shared with her.
Stay strong!! The hardest time for me is when I have our kids.....not knowing what she is doing. I have done a lot of reading on male confidence, listening to podcasts, etc to help. Reading other stories on this board has also helped with realizing that others are going through the same thing which helps me draw strength. I have also accepted that outside of DBing it is out of my hands now and I have surrendered to that. If you read my sitch Chase posted something that has helped him get through the times when you have your kids. I thought it was pretty cool and helped me last night.
So W wants to figure out what to tell the kids - S7 D5.
I am trying to find out advice about what is appropriate for this age group. But, I am struggling to understand how to do this and not make it look like it was a mutual decision. Definitely not my decision. Of course W and I are united in parenting and all that, and I don't want the kids to think of her as the 'bad guy', but I also don't want them to think I am cool with this.
I was just going to respond to what you said your thread, but let me just put it here. You said you let your W off easy when you spoke to your kids about this. I am just getting in this situation and not sure how to do it where I don't make this look like its a mutual decision, but not make her out to be the 'bad guy'..
What would you have done differently about this talk with your kids?
In general the advice I have seen on this board is that if the W wants out you don't tell your children that it was a joint decision you make her face the music (essentially be the bad guy). Mommy doesn't love Daddy any more or something like that, if she wants out then she needs to own it. I will say though with young children that might not be the right approach. When we told our children I operated from how could I make this easiest on my kids. Again from a DB standpoint that was probably wrong.
Right or wrong that is not how I approached it (I wasn't DBing)...we sat the kids down together and told them (mine are 8 and 6) that sometimes mommy and daddy's don't love each other any more and they have two houses. My W even referenced other friends that they have with parents that are divorced and the fun things they can do at mommy's apartment (movie theater and ice cream shop around the corner).
I do want the W to face the music, but I don't want that at the expense of the kids wellbeing. I want to make this easier for them as possible. If my kids were older, maybe the DB approach would work better.
I will have to think on this and how to do it so that kids can handle it.
This is what my W put together to tell our kids. Our 6 yr old took it the hardest.....she didn't understand and asked if this was for the rest of her life.
Your daddy and I have been doing a lot of thinking. Sometimes mommies and daddies need to live apart...even if they love and care for each other. Like baby Jack’s parents.
So...we decided to get an apartment for mommy and you will live with both mommy and daddy.
Mommy and daddy are still going to talk, be friends, take care of each other, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, we’re going to love and care for YOU always!
You will have two houses to live in! You’ll have bedrooms in each place!
Mommy’s apartment is next to that movie theater we go to! There’s also an ice cream shop!
You’ll get to explore a new neighborhood that’s close to THIS house, YOUR school, Mommy’s work, J and J, A & R...
Tomorrow you’re going to go and see my apartment and I’ll need your help getting it ready for us to live in. Will you help me with that? Daddy will be helping too!
So W wants to figure out what to tell the kids - S7 D5.
I am trying to find out advice about what is appropriate for this age group. But, I am struggling to understand how to do this and not make it look like it was a mutual decision. Definitely not my decision. Of course W and I are united in parenting and all that, and I don't want the kids to think of her as the 'bad guy', but I also don't want them to think I am cool with this.
If the kids are too young they won't understand anyway. I had XW tell the kids the day after BD, so she didn't really have time to think it through. And even though she took the full responsability, the kids still love her.
Even though, D4 (D3 1/2 at the time) asked daddy today "why don't you like girls" daddy replied "oh I certainly like girls, why do you ask" D4 "cause' if you did, you and mummy could be married again".
She didn't understand jack at BD and NOW all of a sudden, I'm the fall guy. LOL
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
