Count on ups and downs (IV)

[WillDo]

I find it strange where my W refers to the fact that she is having a MLC.

Yesterday, we were with friends. She talked about her interest to quit work since she was having an MLC and even she might do new things without me. I noticed that I had been the one who has built up a thick skin to what she has been saying. I certainly didn't say anything and the couple who we were with didn't comment. It is the couple's second marriage and are dealing with a special needs child. Amongst the things we complain about my W said, she said we should be grateful.

Nevertheless, she was grateful towards me today and sent a message asking me not to do as I wish.

You know what I will write about positive aspects from now on rather than triggers that bring me down. At least ways to reformat the trigger.

That is the change I am doing. Looking after myself.

[WillDo]

Out for lunch and pampering myself.

Burger and Shake at TGIs. Monday with. Friday feeling.

[WillDo]

I have to stay still keeping the positive vibe.

However, today I did tell her that I didn't see me moving out as a good option and had a long conversation. Painful. I had been to therapy today so was already ready in my mind what to say and how to react. Specifically not to get lost in WORRY.

At least something off my chest.

[roist]

Best wishes mate.

I didn't follow everything you said. What did she mean by don't do as I wish.

It is good she realises she is in mlc. Admitting/acknowledging that is a great first step. Realising that she can do something about it though may take some time.

Continue on your path towards gratitude and positivity

[WillDo]

A quick note. I continue to go to therapy and apply gratitude and positivity. I come here when I am counting down. I read through a 12 month intimate chat conversation with OM. I was right and much more physical than I thought. Sexting to details you would say hardcore. Under my nose. I must have sensed pretty strong 4 years ago and reacted. Chat stops when I had confroned her. I say time has past but I do know there is still contact with OM. I don’t feel to open up too
much right now but wanted to record it for the forum whoever reads. I still believe in the marriage but remind myself I can only work on myself. Thanks for listening.

[WillDo]

I am finding it hard to cope. My therapist is on holiday. Waiting for him to return. I feel broken in all angles; wife, work, mother. brother, friends. All my relations are in turmoil. İ try to control tue worry but my mind is getting tired.

[Sotto]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment WillDo. Sometimes it is all we can do to keep breathing in and out and take things a day, hour, minute at a time. That is all you need to do just now - nothing more. You don't need to fix any relations that you feel are in turmoil - only exist and do the basics - sleep, eat, work and care for children if you have them.

When the worry thoughts start, do you have some strategies to manage them? Many, many people find physical exercise calming. I sometimes run a hot bath. Or post her. Or journal. Or listen to inspirational podcasts, or meditate, some yoga. I found working with my hands helpful too.

You need do nothing more than find ways to manage your anxieties and soothe your weary mind. Soon your therapist will be back and you can explore how you have been feeling together, and how you can best move forward.

I do hope you'll be feeling much better soon. Know that you are not broken, merely doing your best during challenging times.

[WillDo]

Mindfulness is my strategy. Thank your for fhese words. I needed them. You have a great heart.

Willdo

[WillDo]

I continue to maintain my positive state despite of the recent reality that I have witnessed.

I bought Michele's latest book Healing from Infidelity.
Specifically Chapter 8: When your spouse won't end the affair.

The book talks about it and my therapist has been asking about it. To open up to a friend who would support my marriage. I really don't have anybody. I can only reveal what I am going through in this forum and to my therapist. My therapist admitted not being experienced on affairs. I didn't go to him for that. I went there to find myself. So don't want to open up to anybody.

[WillDo]