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Chase20 #2748560 06/27/17 05:55 AM
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Originally Posted By: Chase20
And yes part of me is still in the mode that some light is going to switch and she is going to realize she is making a mistake and come running back. Intellectually I know that is not going to happen but convincing my heart of that is another story.


Yeah she didn't wake up one day and decide to leave, it happened little by little over a long period of time. If recon happens, it'll happen on a similar timeline- slowly reconnecting over time.

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Goals: Be happy, fun, use wife's first name at least once in conversation (that seems to always jolt her a little bit), get her to stay at least 15 minutes.


Wait, what? Why are your goals so W-centric? And why are you trying to make her stay?


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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My personal goals are still intact: do yoga, meditate, spend more time with friends, get my yard looking good, read everyday, join new softball team, go on solo trip, continue with my IC, acupuncture. All those things I am doing and feeling good about.

Relationship wise when I talk with my DB coach she says what will it look like for things to start changing in your relationship - so her staying around the house longer and being more comfortable is one of the things it 'looks' like.


M:38 W: 30
T: 7
M: 4
D: 2
BD: 1-13-17
Sep: 1-13-17
Chase20 #2748873 06/28/17 08:41 AM
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Anniversary yesterday. W texted about noon, letting me know if I wanted to take D to gymnastics there were passes paid for on the account. Unnecessary text on her part. It makes me wonder even more what she could possibly be thinking or is she crazy.

When she dropped of D in the evening she had a bag with stuff for the plane. She is taking D on a trip that leaves on Friday night. Long story but her mom is coming in from out of town for a job interview and then planning to take D on the night flight on Friday. W is on business trip and can't get back in time to take the night flight on Friday. D has flown w/ grandma before and it really is par for the course in their family to concoct situations like this but it seems like something you would communicate with your co-parent.

We have had so few conversations about parenting/R/our situation its almost awkward to have these conversations.


M:38 W: 30
T: 7
M: 4
D: 2
BD: 1-13-17
Sep: 1-13-17
Chase20 #2748877 06/28/17 08:57 AM
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Chase,

Your spending way too much time trying to read into what she is doing.

What are your plans for when they are gone?

LH19 #2748881 06/28/17 09:20 AM
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I am aware that I am to focused on what she is doing- but its hard for me to let go. I stay busy, have lots of activities going on but I am in the fake it until you make it mode. Our custody situation right now means I have to see her every 2-3 days.

I have a trip planned to California- visiting some family for a few days and then doing some solo beach time.


M:38 W: 30
T: 7
M: 4
D: 2
BD: 1-13-17
Sep: 1-13-17
Chase20 #2748883 06/28/17 09:23 AM
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Originally Posted By: Chase20

We have had so few conversations about parenting/R/our situation its almost awkward to have these conversations.


Hello Chase20,

It isn't surprising that these conversations are awkward.

You're working with a DB Coach, right? I would definitely discuss this with your coach.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Cristy #2749234 06/30/17 11:32 AM
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I wish this would start getting easier! Almost 6 months of separation and 1 month of DBing/one month since said she was going to look into mediation but I haven't heard anything since. I still spend way to much time thinking about our situation and being so sad about how it has all ended up.

Every time I check the mail or get a phone call from an unknown number part of me stresses that I am going to be contacted by a mediator. I feel like this part of my life is happening to me and I am not in control of it.

I have thought about looking into my own legal representation - but every time I google search lawyers, I lose it and start crying. Is that what people would advise before she brings it up again?

Just in the last week I have started to be more angry about this situation. I don't want to sit in limbo for years and be someones plan B. I do love her but I have grown so much and am in such a different place in life than she is.


M:38 W: 30
T: 7
M: 4
D: 2
BD: 1-13-17
Sep: 1-13-17
Chase20 #2749236 06/30/17 02:27 PM
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Chase,
I haven't posted on your thread, but I have been reading along. I just want to encourage you, that everything you are describing as far as your feelings, I totally identify with and am standing right alongside you, cheering you on.
This may be the hardest chapter of life that you have seen so far, and just like me, you are suffering. But there WILL come a day, if you hang in there and follow the DB advice, when it begins to ease off, and you start to feel alive again. Not every day, but a day now and then, is better than the bottomless pit we first find ourselves in!
Keep reading other's threads, and keep posting, and before you know it, a stronger, better Chase will be right there, with or without the one you came here about to start.
We will all be OK. And we are here for you!


M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton

leahsue #2749336 07/02/17 04:23 AM
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I will keep going!

Self-esteem takes a hit, I have to keep reminding myself that I am a good person, worth loving and deserve a good relationship.

I had a great day yesterday! My trip started with an early flight. Met over at my aunts house and we all packed up for the beach. My cousin is also in town with her two kids. We are close in age. We went for a long walk (too long for me) but we found a distillery and some wine tasting so that made it worth it! I left my phone in the bag and hardly check it which helps me forget about my situation. I am not constant checking my phone to see if W texted or called. We haven't talked in four days but today I need to contact her so I can facetime my D.

At the end of the night my cousin told me when she gets back from her vacation she is splitting from her husband. They have been having problems for three years but hadn't heard anything lately so I thought things must have been better. She was telling me it was done and she was planning for divorce. I was blown away, we don't have any D in our family. Maybe she beat me to it and will pave the way.... ha. She is a few years older than me and I always looked up to her. So if she can walk through this fire I can too.

Any thoughts on me talking to a lawyer at this point? I do want more stability for my D and I am the only one providing that right now. On Friday W never called to help with any plans to get our D to the airport (since she was flying cross country with W's mom which wasn't communicated with me either). Her mom called me and said oh well I will rent a car seat at the airport and uber to your house and then uber back to the airport. Who does that? How about you ask me to drive our D to the airport its 15 min away. So frustrating.


M:38 W: 30
T: 7
M: 4
D: 2
BD: 1-13-17
Sep: 1-13-17
Chase20 #2749709 07/05/17 11:20 AM
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So far my trip has been amazing. After the time spent hanging out with my family I went on my solo adventure. I made the goal of talking to at least 3 people each day and far exceeded that.
Yesterday afternoon I was in a wine shop and chatting with the owners and they invited me to dinner. It was such a great time with a unique and fun group of people. We all walked out to watch the fireworks. This is so much more like the me of years ago when I was engaging with other people and finding myself in some cool spots.

I think I had talked myself into the fact that I wasn't as social as my W (which I am not, but still social in my own right). That I couldn't do those things like I used to and be engaging and get invites from strangers to do cool things! Big boost for my self-esteem.

I can feel my W trying to play some games with the distance, so my DB coach and I decided to try to give her a little bit more and see if she starts reaching out again. So after facetime with my daughter yesterday, I texted her - 'thank you and hope you guys have fun'. She responded with 'you too'. Today I asked the universe for a sign (I know I shouldn't do that since my house got broken into) and 10 minutes later she sent me a message saying she could probably pick me up from the airport tomorrow. As I was deciding what to do an old lady gaga song came on the radio which was our song when we were first dating so I decided that was enough of a sign to say yes.

This is such a dance since a few days ago she wouldn't even communicate with me about our Ds travel plans. A 2 year old flying across the country, not a peep from her!

We had a short text exchange and I ended my side first. If I hadn't texted her thank you and have fun I don't think she would have text me at all today.


M:38 W: 30
T: 7
M: 4
D: 2
BD: 1-13-17
Sep: 1-13-17
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