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Originally Posted By: OC_Hope

My gut says I should just go to 180 and do absolutely nothing, go to brother's place as planned, and let her do whatever she's going to do – But I'm open to suggestion.


Hello OC_Hope,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Job is right. It would be best for you to start your on thread in the newcomers section. Your post will be more visible and more people will have the opportunity to be supportive.

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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Hey Coly......

Haven't heard from you in a bit, how are things? I hope you and your daughter are doing well and enjoying life these days smile

Catch us up on life when you get a chance.

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Coly23 Offline OP
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Hi All, sorry for being MIA for most of June. I have been reading along but haven't really had any enthusiasm for posting. I thought maybe it was time for a little update.

Roist thanks so much for your visit. I didn't remind H in the end and neither did he say anything so i just left it.

Update: Before Father's Day I asked D if she wanted to see H and she declined. She said she hated everything about Father's Day frown . So I arranged for us to have a little weekend away in a city up North. I booked a little hotel and we planned to go up on Saturday and then do a bit of shopping on Sunday. Still nothing from H asking to see her until the Thursday before when she texted him about something unrelated and on the back of that text he asked if we were available to go to brunch on Fathers Day. I went back to him and let him know that we weren't available.

Following that still no contact from H. During this time D was still doing exams and there was lots of prom preparation. D's prom was last Friday and she had a pre-prom get together planned at a friend's house and parent's were also invited. At first she really wanted to invite H and then she didn't and changed her mind several times over. I really didn't want him to come so I made a deal to say that if he contacts us and asks then we should include him but he didn't. In the end I swallowed my pride and texted him and asked him if he wanted to come and he thanked me and said he did. I told him he could either meet us at home or at D's friend's house and he asked if he could meet at home.

D looked absolutely stunning for her prom laugh! She looked like she should be walking down the red carpet at a star studded event! H turned up and took a few photos and then followed us to the friend's house. I don't know what he must have thought but all the parents came up to me and hugged me and were so lovely and excited. H just stood in a corner of the garden with no on to talk to as during this last year I have got to know most of them.

Funnily enough he eventually got to talk to my BIL who came over to pick up D and two friends in his Ferrari! My BIL was really nice to H! I then arranged to pick my parents up from my house and follow the Ferrari down to the venue but I didn't tell my parents that H would be there also until we were near the venue because I didn't want to worry them.

When we got there and they saw H they gave him a big hug and said they were so pleased to see him. I am really proud of my parents and I told them so. They could have reacted angrily at him but they didn't.

We had a great time watching all the other kids arriving in their whacky or flashy modes of transport all dressed up to the nines! H eventually left as he had already arranged to go out that night. Then I spent the rest of the weekend feeling very tearful. I miss him so much still. When we were at the prom venue my Mum said it was like we were still together. She said no one would think there was anything wrong if they didn't know us.

On Saturday I had to get rid of some garden furniture and I couldn't get a small round table through the garage door so I spent ages trying to take it apart. I cried again because I felt so alone and frustrated as it was really difficult to get all the nuts and bolts off as they had rusted. I did do it in the end and I was proud but I miss having someone to share these times with.

I don't know. I'm struggling with the NC thing. H seens to be too lazy to initiate contact but when either myself or D do then he ask us to meet up with him. Don't get me wrong, I don't contact him very much at all anymore and when I do see him it sets me back quite a bit because I start to miss him all over again. So do I just continue as I am not seeing him very much at all and then when I do it becomes such a big deal?

Anyway myself and D are hosting my Dad's birthday BBQ this weekend and then we are off on holiday next week. Can't wait!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Coly23 Offline OP
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Wow SKM! You must have read my mind! I was typing as you were posting!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Coly23 Offline OP
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OC_Hope, I'm sorry you find yourself here. I agree, I think you should carry on with your plans and leave her to figure out what she wants to do. If she wants to come back she will. You also gave to u dressed that the OP is like a drug to her so you have to give her time to withdraw from him.

Why don't you start your own thread so more vets can visit you and give you there wealth of experience.


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Coly - good to hear from you! I've been wondering what you've been up to.

I'm so glad that your D had a great prom. My own D's was quite a while ago and not nearly as posh as what you described.

I'm sorry to see that you are still struggling on each encounter you have. I honestly don't know what to say that could help other than I certainly can understand how this is difficult for you. I also absolutely can't understand how he has just wandered off in his fog with what appears to be no plan nor destination. You are certainly a shining lighthouse though. Here's another line from the song you reference in your signature. Remember your path is about you and your D. He is on his own.

I was biting my tongue
I was trying to hide
I'll forget what I've done
I will be redefined


I hope you two have a lovely holiday. I'm off myself right now for a couple of weeks but only have minor adventures planned such as the local farmer's market with S22 tomorrow. I have a pretty low threshold for what I'll call an adventure though smile


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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{{{{{Coly}}}}}

i know it's hard but it will get better, I promise xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Coly.....good to hear from you.

I'm sorry that you are still having those sad moments. I remember having those as well. For me, they would come at the most unexpected time frown

The NC contact can be frustrating. I know there were times when I would think....

- what if he is waiting for me to make the first step?
- am I pushing him away more by NOT contacting him?

When I did finally end up speaking to him something he would say or do would upset me and then I would raise my voice and yell....not my proudest moments that is for sure.

I know you know that what you are doing is the right thing for you, but it sure does not make it any easier. I wish I had something that I could say to you to make you feel better frown

Please take care of yourself, and continue to let him figure himself out wink

Enjoy your holiday......I'm jealous smile

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Oh Coly, I'm only just seeing this (((cwtch))).

I was thinking today, when on my mountain therapy walk that maybe my H weight gain is also for a reason.

If he looked like his old slim self, I would cry every time he leaves. But, as he doesn't look physically attractive to me right now, I don't. I'm just worried about his health but I know I can't say anything.

I bet D looked absolutely stunning at her prom, and to go by Ferrari....wow!

Keep doing what you're doing, you are amazing and showing D what a strong woman you are. You are also showing your friends and family that you are compassionate and level headed.

It's what I strive to do too, take care of you.

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Coly23 Offline OP
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AP, bttrfly, skm, westo, thank you all so much for your replies.

I want to respond to each of you separately but my mind is all in a muddle at the moment. I can't seem to keep a thought in my head for very long before I get distracted. I feel I might be going into a fog too! Maybe it's work and not enough play that is making me feel so low at the moment. IDK.

I hope my upcoming holiday will help me feel a bit more clearer minded. I'm looking forward to just kicking back and reading a good book.

Thank you all again so much. I don't know what I would do without your kind and encouraging words. They help to keep me going when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and shut the world out. I'm sure you have all been there!

Xx


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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