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I have actually been hungry tonight and eaten which is good. Took the kids to football and chatted about there days, my S had been on a trip and was so excited to talk to me about it, I am loving spending time with them and once the work sitch is sorted, hopefully tomorrow, I'm a full time Mum, yay!

H text at 8pm 'I won't call the kids tonight will call tomorrow' he's with OW or he would have gone to football or at least phoned them but you know what they didn't ask and with friends and AS an Coconut today I'm actually OK. I text him after the kids were in bed and said that it was fine they didn't ask anyway and told him as S probably wouldn't remember tomorrow that he had a great day on hi trip was talking positively about High school in September and hoped he was OK. Haven't heard back but he's with her so wouldn't expect to. He's missing out already and he will have to deal with that


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



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It kinda feels like the comment "they didn't ask about you" was a dagger you were throwing towards him... First, there was no reason to even respond to that text, second really try not to use your kids as weapons.. No matter what, he is their father, and you don't want to change that R for him or them.

Second, what kind of dancing do you do? I wish I could dance, I've taken country line dancing lessons and even did a tango class once, but my two left feet got in the way, now I just watch the girls line dance, which isn't to bad:).

Seriously though, a passion for dancing is great. Anyway you can invite a friend to do it with you?


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Hi Coconut. I can get why you think me saying 'they didn't ask' would sound like a weapon but with him being away so much over the years it is actually more of a comfort to him them not asking, that is the way it was intended and I will make sure that is the way it was taken when I get chance. I honestly definitely would never intentionally use my children as weapons that is not who I am at all. I actually have a proven male brain, lol but that's the truth. He has always been the most amazing Dad and I have always told him that regardless of anything else. I would never ever want to change their R with him ever. However, the way he has been with them recently has been completely different to the Daddy they know and they are both showing signs of that change. Up until BD 2 weeks ago I was aware of changes in their behaviour but hadn't really noticed his but now with hindsight I can see that he had changed. I need to get my work sitch sorted tomorrow and then I can properly focus on them although we have already spent more time together due to the sitch and the are loving it :-)

Dancing don't get me started I just love to dance to anything. I guess my real passion is jive, rock and roll and Latin. I adore the romance and passion of Rumba, the excitement and pace of jive, the sexiness of Salsa and the youthfulness and fun of commercial dance music. I always used to have the radio on in the car on the current station all the time but turned the radio off a few weeks ago and cannot bare to have it on now. He's gone from listening to nothing but Talk Sport for 14 years to the current station since OW. My absolute favourite film ever is Dirty Dancing and if I could dance like that with a partner like that it would be a dream come true.


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



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This morning I am angry. I haven't heard from him at all which shouldn't come as a surprise as he's been with OW so will be in complete euphoria. I am torturing myself with thoughts of where they were last night and what they did if he's in work or not, he's been using me as an excuse to get out of work so wouldn't surprise me if he's done that again. I can't do that though I need to keep busy and get through another day. It's D day for my work sitch so I need to focus on that and securing myself as best as I can financially for me and the kids until I'm comfortable that they're OK with me going back to work.


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



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Anger is good at this point. It'll give you strength. Don't be a doormat. I don't want to be rude but you've been way too much of a doormat throughout this process. He knows you're a guarantee and he can play with your heart all he wants because if his plan A (OW) doesn't work out he's pretty sure you'll take him right back. Don't be anyone's plan B.

Set YOUR boundaries and what they should be for a marriage and stick with them.

Start planning your life with the kids without him. Plan events and do them without inviting him. Don't always be available on his schedule. That's not planning life without him.

His fantasy new relationship is doomed to failure. It was conceived on lies, secrets, betrayal. Two cheaters never last especially if families have been hurt in the process. Personally I favor exposure because that helps build your support network and gets you some allies while at the same time isolating the cheaters from their support network who didn't know they were cheating.

Start your GAL right now. Stop worrying about his seedy sleazy comings and goings. That's not the kind of person you want to associate with or even want your kids associating with. He's in a cheater's fog. A scummy sleazy fog. Let him wallow there until he wises up or spirals even further downward but DON'T let him drag you there with him.

You have to start detaching. Remove him from that inner most layer of your heart. He has forfeited that spot. Start doing things without him. Especially if there are things you liked before the marriage, that he didn't, so you gave them up. Revisit them. Rebuild friendships that suffered due to marriage (we all have those).

In other words, leave him to his sleazy new life and build an awesome new life for yourself that he's not invited to share. That'll make you far more attractive than his sleazy OW. At some point he'll see her for what she is. After all, she's a cheating skank. All cheaters are skanks. You're too good to give your heart to a skank.

180 hard. Force yourself to GAL. Live for you. Do what you want. Do things with the kids. NEVER invite him. Plan birthdays, holidays, etc. with them and NOT him. After all, he doesn't want this family, he wants his sleazy new life. Let him have it.



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Originally Posted By: SJW
I will make sure that is the way it was taken when I get chance.


No Don't!!! Go Dark, don't you dare ask him to make sure you didn't hurt his feelings... it's hard, but you need to start living like he is completely gone. You want to think of him like you do about the boyfriend you had before you met him..

It's hard, and I didn't get it until I moved out of state, but out of sight out of mind really is what you are striving for.

I just wanted to clarify, do NOT ask him if you hurt his feelings with the comment about the kids asking about him. Just leave it. And I also completely agree with what TxHubby wrote.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Originally Posted By: SJW
This morning I am angry. I haven't heard from him at all which shouldn't come as a surprise as he's been with OW so will be in complete euphoria. I am torturing myself with thoughts of where they were last night and what they did if he's in work or not, he's been using me as an excuse to get out of work so wouldn't surprise me if he's done that again.


It's tough, really sorry you're going through some anger. But you're spinning some wild scenarios there. Maybe he was with OW, or maybe he was sitting in a bar along crying in his beer. You really don't know. The real question is what you can do to change your focus from him to you. Give that some thought.

Also I agree with C-nut, you really need to shut down all contact with him except the bare minimum required for kid-related coordination.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Hey guys thanks for your comments. He called tonight to ask me how my meeting went at work and I was upbeat, obviously venting but not about him and our sitch about my boss's appalling treatment of me and he was like you deserve way more than this!

He started to lean slightly towards R more about he would make sure the kids were OK but I diverted and said I don't want to talk about that right now.....get me I literally high fived myself, lol.

I've been chatting to a new UK DBer today which has made me take the focus of myself a little and trying to support someone else in the same sitch is a good feeling.

My S wanted the icloud account password so he could download something so I told H to text it to him and I would let him know when he had done and then he needed to change it again. Really pleased with that as I do not want to be able to track him and he said he will do it. I said I needed to get on and he said OK 'Babe' message you later. OMG what is wrong with that man that would be what we would NORMALLY do and he knows I know he's off on a day out with (I like TX's name) Skank tomorrow!


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



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Again really hungry this is amazing :-)

My friend came round to make sure I was OK and my other friend was texting worrying about me, I am so lucky but I also want some me time. So I have eaten again not particularly well but I've eaten and now I think I am going to get myself a very early night.


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



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Hi TX thanks for stopping by. I agree with a lot of what you are saying and you are right I was a doormat, I thought I was doing the right thing but I should have kicked him out when he told me he would not stop A.

The only bit I'm struggling with is what to tell the kids. For me to totally do what you're suggesting they will have to know and the thought of that is killing me. I guess that's why I tried to carry on with him in the house as well as obviously hoping I could persuade him to change his mind.

I have tried to find your story but can't as I would like to read it. How can I find it?


Me 46 H 39
M 11 T 14
S 10 DO 8
ILYBNILWY 11.06.17
Separate rooms 11.06.17
ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17
Kicked H out 23.6.17
H came home 20.8.17



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