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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2746562&page=11


So now that my wife has pretty much completely moved all her stuff out I feel that it's time to set some boundaries with her about just coming into the house whenever she wants to while I'm at not here. I'm just wondering if asking her to give me her house key would be a bad thing at this point? At this time she really has no reason to be inside the house.

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Why does she come and how frequently?

Why is it bothering you?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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She's been coming a few times a week when she was packing her stuff all times when I wasn't home but I just am wondering now that she's moved all out of it's a bad thing to ask for her key or not. I don't feel like she will take my stuff but still, just wondering what approach I should take or any approach at all

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Stunned, I don't think asking for the key is necessary, but if you really are uncomfortable with her coming and going at will, have the conversation with her. Tell her that you since she no longer lives there, that you would like her to let you know when she needs to come over so that you can plan accordingly.

If she objects, just point out that you would not show up at her place unannounced, and you would like for her to reciprocate that level of respect.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Originally Posted By: Coconut
Stunned, I don't think asking for the key is necessary, but if you really are uncomfortable with her coming and going at will, have the conversation with her. Tell her that you since she no longer lives there, that you would like her to let you know when she needs to come over so that you can plan accordingly.

If she objects, just point out that you would not show up at her place unannounced, and you would like for her to reciprocate that level of respect.


Yeah you're probably right asking for the key is not really needed. I'm just more concerned that I'll be out of the country soon (on a trip WE booked a week before she left!) for a week and I don't want her in the house while I'm gone. So I will be talking to her about that at least. And asking her to let me know before she stops by for now on cause she came by again today while I was at work. She's getting her cake and eating it too just coming by whenever she wants when I'm gone. I almost feel like I'm making her exit the M too easy for her just the way she wants it.....

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Be careful, it's not about punishing her, it's about your boundaries. Why does she go to the house?


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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I don't want to punish her I know it's a fine line and I'm trying to stay on the graceful side of the line with her. She still has a few odd and ends things she's gettin from the house. But she never tells me when she's coming and makes sure I'm at work when she does. I just don't feel comfortable having anybody in my house while I'm out of the country. Is that too harsh to tell her not to come in while I'm out of the country?

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Is there any way you could box up all of her stuff, and any "our" stuff that you don't want, and get that too her?


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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She's already boxed it up she's just making trips a few times a week after work taking a car load to her storage unit. She has some Christmas stuff that she needs to go through to sort out what's hers and mine.
Do ANY WAW come back after they go through all the trouble of moving all there stuff out of the house??? It's not even been 6 weeks yet but I am panicking at times thinking that once she's done getting her stuff out she's not looking back

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Stunned,

Take the key back. Once she opted to leave W forfeited the right to come and go as she pleases. Ensure that she has all her stuff out before your trip. You taking back that key will be a serious eye opener for her. That should be your boundary. Don't do it to be mean. But just state that you need her to respect your space.


MR: 15 T:17
Me: 37 W: 34
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BD/PA/EA: 12/2016
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