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Originally Posted By: Ginger1

I logged back into Instagram. FF sister post a picture of FF and her son fishing. I "liked" the picture. In the beginning I was hurt he just stopped paying any attention to anything I posted. So I said to myself "well I'll do the same back" But no. I decided to act in the way I see fit, never to punish someone and never to withhold because I won't get it in return. It's the true meaning of no expectations.


I love that smile Lots of strength of character represented there! What is "FF" short for? All I can think of is firefighter? Is your ex a firefighter maybe? I have a feeling you're going to tell me and I'm going to be like "oh duh, why didn't I know that" LOL!

Originally Posted By: JujuB

Or seeing a mom and dad joke around and enjoy their son at a cubscout meeting together.


I have an amusing story along those lines! Not too long after BD, but before D, W and I met at our son's school for a meet-the-teacher thing. We were standing there looking as son's work and I was admiring a happy couple across the table looking at their son's work. I was thinking "why can't W and I be a happily married couple like that?" About then the woman handed one of the drawings to the man and said "why don't you take this one to your house." Hahahahaha! Turns out they were a broken marriage too. Things are rarely as they seem!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Juju, my ex is the for show involved type. He will show up at some events and do some projects with her, but otherwise, he leaves the rest up to me. I, like most of us, have this vision of raising a child with ur spouses and sometimes it just doesn't turn out how we imagine. The good thing is I get to make the decisions. And me and you girl, we really do need to try not to let those who don't want to be here have so much space within us.

AS- I said it in your post, yup, he is a firefighter, an actual paid one. He was my boyfriend. I explained why we broke up in your thread. It stinks really.

At D9's clap out, ex his wife, his sister and D9's little cousin came. He hugged his sister hello, his niece, then I guess he felt it would be rude if he didn't give the Italian hug kiss hello thing so he did. We haven't done that in years! So awkward. I asked OWW to take a pic of the 3 of us, then I offered to take a pic of the three of them. We all went to lunch after and .......drumroll please..... he paid for everyone! I almost fell off my chair! Big man on campus! We were talking about high school reunions, and me and him, and sister all went to the same HS all separated by a year. I told exsil that I saw her ex boyfriend a year ago (pretty much the love of her life, although they were a dysfunctional couple) then we talked about her other exBF who was in my class. he cheated on her and every other GF and apparently his exW. She says "yup, once a cheater always a cheater!" ex nd OWW got real quiet! HAHA!

I've said it before and I will say it again. My life is so surreal sometimes. I'm pretty sure I have repented for all of my sins for dealing with them the way I do, lol.

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Quote:
She says "yup, once a cheater always a cheater!" ex nd OWW got real quiet! HAHA!


Hahahahaha!!!!!!

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Thanks for stopping by my page and for your kind comments. I enjoy reading your posts because you are such a strong person. I said it before, but I just know there is some really special man out there somewhere for you. You and D9 will be blessed by him, but will be even bigger blessings TO him when y'all find each other. smile

Glad D9's event went well. Yay for her.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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I've come to drop in a little vent. My exSIL took it upon herself to get my 9 year daughter her first bras and a graduation gift from the 4th grade. This has me upset on a few levels. I, as her mother decides when to take my child for her first bras. I do not feel we are there yet as my daughter is as flat as a board. I also feel like it is an experience to be shared between me and my daughter. But what really upsets me is no one asked me. Not his sister, and not him, who knew. One thing I cannot stand is being disrespected as her mother. And I am going to say something to him. He should have been the one to say "why don't you ask ginger first?" You all know I tolerate a lot, but this pissed me off. And the FB profile pic that OWW has of my daughter and her in matching leggings. That also pissed me off. You have no rights to matchy matchy. Only her mother who carried her for 8 months has that right. But I'll just seethe about that here.

I met up with friends I used to work at the hospital with last night. We had such a good time. One person is a few years older than me. She had a baby at 19, go through nursing school and became an amazing nurse. The father of the child was a real douche and only partially in her life. Her dad is an anesthesiologist, they have money and helped raised the baby. The baby is now 20. She met a guy a few years ago, they dated, moved in together. She got pregnant and they got married. Her daughter is now 4. Well, she kicked her H out because she found out he was cheating on her birthday last year. Her mother got diagnosed with lung cancer with mets to the bone in September. She is living with her parents. She is an incredibly strong woman, I have always admired her. I just hate hearing of these things. She's handling everything like a champ though.

I swear, life is a b!tch sometimes.

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Hi ginger,

I get down about how disloyal people are to each other too. It often feels like the people that are honest and faithful tend to get screwed in life.

I totally get yoir annoyance with sil. My ex MIL was kind of oblivious to those sorts of boundaries..she showed up one year with a Minnie mouse costume when my son was Mickey mouse and I was so annoyed.

Looking back, I wish i had politely talked to her about my annoyance. I think it would have been

1. Fun to make things akward for her when she was being overbearing. Women are often not used to that type of direct confrontation and it would have been better.

2. It would have prevented her from continuing to do stuff like rhat. It would establish that she needs to consult with me.


I think you're ex was probably oblivious to the bra issue. And you can't count on them to know or to really care enough to actially say something.


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Juju,

You are right. I decided to leave it as a non-issue. What am I going to do? People I guess don't have the same boundaires as we do, so they will cross them. She watches my daughter, is good to her, we were always pretty close, so maybe she thought I would mind. ANd I'll just get her back and buy her daughter her first bra! HAHA! Her daughter, by virtue of divorce is obviously not my neice. She is almost 4, and has been getting to know me a bit. exSIL said she would have her daughter sleep by my house one time (we live 5 minutes away from eachother). That meant something to me. So I am letting the bra issue go.

I decided to hop back into online dating. I finally joined match with WII in my head saying its annoying when someone has a profile but didn't sign up. So I signed up this weekend. I had some decent messages waiting for me. I responded apologizing for it to take so long to get back to me. My profile says "no, but it's ok if my partner has his own" to the do you want kids question. Yet a bunch of guys who definitely want kids are emailing me. I tell them upfront the truth. I refuse to get into that situation again. It wsa too painful. One guy seems pretty cool, 47, divorced, and didn't answer the kids question, but I am guessing at 47 its a no. None of his own. I answered his email, even though it was from a week and a half ago, hopefully he emails me back.

I have a confession to make. I texted FF last night. I saw a really funny meme that pertains to us and I sent it to him saying "it was too good not to share" He didn't respond. He has essentially erased me. I feel sad about that, but it's not rocking my world. I do wonder why he has done this.

His sister has posting a lot of social media, so I have been seeing him a lot on there. She plays little video clips, and he looks happy. I am happy he is happy, but then it makes me feel like maybe I made him unhappy. They went to a wedding Thursday night I was supposed to be his date to. He had a date. Sort of. It's his sisters friend and her sons babysitter. I think she just went along. But my heart skipped a beat a little. You can tell it wasn't a romantic thing according to the pictures. But then I thought, "well, she's young, very close with the family and cute" Maybe she would be a perfect match for him. I do wonder why I even care about someone (as a friend) who seemingly erased me. It's a good and bad attribute.

Good news is though, I am actually excited to date again. And I will say for anyone thinking about it, the people on match are the most normal so far. I got no inappropriate messages, they do send nice ones, they don't seem to be looking for just hook ups or text buddies. I am going ot try to remain hopeful.

Yesterday my friends and I were halfway ot our long awaited Pinknic on govenors island in NYC. We were all dressed up and decked out in our pink and they cancelled it do the rain and hour before the event, even though it was rain or shine. It ws beautiful out, but the rains has supposedly flooded the area. We were pretty pissed. But we made the best of it, spent some in nYC, went back to Hoboken, had a few drinks, and made it a good time. I am so fortunate to have those kind of friends where we make anything a good time.

Today, I am picking up D9 and we are going strawberry picking. It's a beautiful day here. Then I will come home and write yet another paper.

This is just my journal, which is why it's ridiculously long. I am doing pretty good though.

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I had my first night of volleyball. It was a really good time. I actually wasn't awful either. The others have played on a few leagues, so I am kind of a newbie. For our team, 3 guys and 2 girls showed up, and a guy from another team subbed. We played a really really good team but we did win one out of the 3 matches and the others were close.

They were so nice to D9 and they asked if we wanted to stay for chicken fingers and beer. D9 begged so I said yes. So, I got know the 3 of the guys on my team. They are so nice and one is just hilarious and D9 loves that one. He is the single one. And..... he is 26! You can tell D9 wants to hook me up with him. HAHA! It's funny, she likes a certain kind of guy for me. The guys I have dated have all been funny and personable and that's the kind she wants for me. D9 carried quite a conversation with them. She's a charmer alright. They complemented how well-behaved she was.

It was overall a really good time and I am glad I joined. I guess I have to thank the ex for this one?

Never heard from FF. He apparently wants nothing to do with me so I am just going to respect that. If he would rather pretend I don't exist, so be it. his repeated pleas for at least a friendship one day was a bunch of BS I guess. Working on not caring. I have too much other stuff going for me right now.

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I wanted to be sure and think about what I said before I responded, because I don't want it to come off negative and I could see where it would, but I feel compelled to say something. First and foremost, yay for you on the volleyball. Sounds like you had a good time and D9 did as well and that is what you need. So, good for both of you. From what you say, it sounds like you are an amazing mom and I'm not at all surprised that other adults commented on how well-behaved your D is. That is awesome, so go Ginger!

Now, here's the part that come across as negative and I really don't mean for it to. I was rooting for your relationship with FF, but it was moving FAST. And, I won't rehash all that because you are well on your way to moving on and brava to you for that. But, if he doesn't want to be friends or to talk to you, then you don't need him anyway, right? I mean, one thing that I took from the early days of my time on this DB site is to act "as if" and in this case, he's the one acting "as if" you didn't exist, so just return that favor and move on. I know that is easier said than done. I think you and I are a lot alike in many ways and I know it would be hard for me, but you deserve so much better than a guy who basically begged for friendship then blew you off. My XH did the very same thing....told me he still wanted to be friends, even told me more than once he missed his "best friend" but when the new woman was hooked, he quickly told me he couldn't talk to me because it made her uncomfortable (of course, "if he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you" rang loudly in my head when he was telling me that, but I digress). My point here is that it really doesn't matter what FF needs. It matters what Ginger needs. Who cares if he wants to be friends, if it doesn't suit you. You are under no obligation to have any contact and despite his pleas for friendship, he's shown that he clearly doesn't know what friendship is. Do you really need that in your life? What does that show D9? Don't get me wrong, I think you are a very genuine, caring person from what I read on here and I think that you still feel some sense of obligation to be there for him and to "help" him. You aren't obligated though. Please forgive me if this all sounds negative as I really don't mean for it to. I just see someone whom I think of as a kind, caring person beating herself up for not being enough and my dear, Ginger, you are so much more than enough. In fact, you are too much for FF and he didn't/doesn't deserve someone like you.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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It's not negative at all Dawn, actually it was very positive, complimentary and very true. I would have liked to be friends with him if he wanted. Orginally because I felt empathy and compassion and yes, I did want to fix his problems. I got so used to being his confidant and the one he came to. I thought I could be of some help.

Why did I reach out now? It's hard to explain, but I feel like you couldn't have really cared for anyone you ignore like that. And I think I personally have gotten sick of people walking out and pretending like I don't exist afterwards. It makes me question everything.

But you are so right. I don't need him. So that's why when he didn't answer, I just said "screw it, I tried, now I know where I truly stand" Old Ginger would have pursued the reason. But truthfully, while I can feel hurt and sad, I absolutely don't want anyone in my life who doesn't want to be there and I have plenty of people who do.

And you are so right, ,my mind automatically goes back to not being enough so much that I can be erased. And that causes sadness for me. But then I realize myself and people lovely people like you help me, is that I have always been enough and it isn't my problem.

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