Stunned, yes there's more to OM than she's admitting.. But honestly you've been given a gift.. Her moving out is The Best thing for your sitch, more importantly for you. Your life, other than her, isn't turned upside down, you don't have to decide between watching her carry on with OM or moving out, you've been given a gift..
Go dark, black hole dark, right now don't respond to any of her texts, well maybe the first one just say "Im giving you space and doing my own thing for now, maybe I'll reach out to you later".
Nothing, nothing, nothing else, go completely dark. If you happen to run into her somewhere, validate, be nice, cut it short. And live your life as though she's permanently gone. No matter what anyone's sitch is, the first thing that needs to be done is for them to rebuild themselves, which is much harder to do when your in-house separation, or have shared custody. Right now you have the opportunity to focus on you, and you alone.
Ps- if she comes to the house, don't let her come in and talk things out, stay mysterious and don't let her in, tell her you were just heading out.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I just don't feel like there's much chance of her coming back now that she's almost totally moved out. She's getting what she wants, her words "I just want to get the rest of my [censored] and move on" she said that a few weeks ago
That's ok, I can't stress enough how much time and space changes things... Can you trust me??? Right now you need to focus on you, and that can't be easier than having most of your life intact, can you do that?
Tell me what you've always wanted to do that is now an option for you?
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Then let her go. I guarantee she's telling people that you won't let her go. Your W can't use that line once she is gone. Then reality will set in for her. I know that this is seriously hurting you right now. But like Coconut mentioned. You have the perfect chance to go completely dark right now. Just remember that its not completely over yet.
Stunned, listen to me, I'm a little over a year past BD, I had to do in house separation for 2 months AFTER I decided I was done with marriage... A year after I was 100% done, I can tell you I'm more open to it than ever... This is a long process, but it starts with you looking out for # 1...
Bonus points will be given if you block her from your phone after you tell her what I suggested above... Give more space than what she needs
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Ok, I realize that some people hold more weight in this site... But I think most agree Sandi2 is highly respected in understanding the WW (I have only lived the LBS side), so let me share this to hopefully confirm my suggestion.. Ps- don't be mean, just don't respond or cut interactions short if you can't avoid communication.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Quote:
If I had to do my sitch again, I would have walked out the day I saw the texts, not said a word to her, just walked out the door and waited a couple of months before any contact. that way I could of let her do her journey without me having to see it, you can't stop the journey and I wasn't strong enough to deal with the thought of them together.
There have been WW's to come to the board saying that's exactly what their H did.......and it was him immediately walking out on her that had her in tears and begging for help from the forum, b/c it yanked her out of the fog or fantasy (whatever you want to call it) and she became the LBW.
Personally, I agree with Coconut, and believe that action would be very effective in most cases with a WW. The problem is trying to convince the newcomers. First, they won't do it, and they have a zillion excuses for not walking away. (It all boils down to fear). The majority of LBH's in newcomers fit the descrription of the NGS......and nice-guys just don't work that way. Second, I'm sure hands would be smacked if that became routine advice on a M saving forum.
IMHO, the effectiveness comes in walking away immediately upon learning about the OM. That's why dropping the rope works so well. However, by the time a lot of guys come to the board, they have been in their stitch for weeks/months. When the H waits around trying to do this & that, she knows he's not going anywhere anytime soon. So, she continues to play him.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Coconut, That really seems like some great advice, idk if I have the strength to go that route at this time. But soon enough I just might cause she knows that I want more than anything for reconciliation and it hasn't phased her
So with NC, is there an amount of time that's too much time in between communication with the W. obviously I don't mean just a few weeks, but going a month or more is that too long and could it back fire and help the waw move on easier? Just curious. I've been doing good with NC since Tuesday even when she texted me Friday to inform me she moved most of the rest of her stuff out I didn't feel it necessary to respond to that text. And I've deactivated Facebook cause I know she was looking at my page cause she asked me a few questions the day we talked about things she would've only seen on my Facebook page that I posted. its probably just cause she's nosey
