This week's update: As I felt like my life was in a free fall without a parachute I kept digging into the very few clues that she left. I was finally able to connect enough dots and confronted W with my suspicions. She didn't deny speaking or meet in this person but I sits he is "helping her through somthing" I let her know I don't belive that for a second. Reading his fb posts for the couple months leading up to this I am certain what his intentions are. I did message him to put him on notice not a threat but just to let him know I know. Instead of replying somthing along the lines that he was sorry for over stepping bounds he told on me lol. That spoke volumes as far as I'm concerned. Ok so right or wrong all of this actually made me feel a little better I guess because the suspicions with out know was eating me alive. I left the door open to work this out and told her I would be available to talk when she was ready. That was Monday. Since monday I have been 180 No txts , being scarce ect. She has txted me a few times each day just general nothing txts Ive been keeping reply short and polite. This weekend I have an event she expressed she still wanted to go to but would change her plans if I wanted her Not there , I did tell her of course I wanted her to go. I'm not sure 100% how to handle the weekend. I know that I've made mistakes and will continue to make them but I'm trying to pick myself up and try again and again This is hard no doubt. Most of the time this week I have been able to get back toto not obsess but occasionally over welding thoughts creep in that just crush me. I also asked to change therepist to an sbt therepist 1st session with them later this week Sorry long looking for feedback to help what I did right what I did wrong and maybe how to deal with negative thoughts when they creep in Thank you
If she does go to this event with you don't be all mopey, pissy, angry, etc. That's very unattractive. Be the life of the party, or whatever it is. Full of life and confidence BUT toward YOUR enjoyment and happiness at the event. Don't do a darn thing toward hers. Be aloof toward her. After all, she has betrayed you and strong confident people don't tolerate that. Be "as if" toward her. Not mean, not rude, not angry, just a general "who gives sh*t about you..."
If you act mopey, pissy, angry, etc. that'll make you look weak and very unattractive and validate to her that the OM is a better choice. If you do as I say then you'll look very attractive and she'll respond. When she does you have to resist the urge to respond back. They want what they can't have. If you're a guarantee for her then she won't want you.
Become the absolute best version of yourself that you've ever been. Workout, update your wardrobe, be strong, happy, confident, and give off the attitude that you're going to have a great life with or without her.
Nope, it's not easy. Especially if they respond to the 180 and start temperature checking, giving messages of hope (false hope). You have to stay aloof. They have to win you back, not the other way around. Some of it may feel counter-intuitive but it works. The mistake I made was trying the other way (your way, so many other BS's ways) for almost 3 years. It was soul sucking and leading me nowhere. My emotional health was so poor that it manifested into physical health issues. One day I woke up and thought to myself wow, why are you letting this kill you? No other person is worth that. Like magic I found my strength. I looked in the mirror. I was 30 lbs over weight, my wardrobe was dated, I was always depressed and moping around lamenting my situation.
I said enough. I started a diet and exercise program that day. I STOPPED all contact with my WW unless absolutely necessary for the kids and then I was as detached as possible with the "as if" attitude. She noticed right away. She could see that I was no longer wrapped around her finger and she HATED that. I kept getting stronger, more fit, doing more GAL. Started going to concerts again with friends. Met new friends at the gym. Started riding a bicycle. She noticed. All the sudden my fancy new life looked great. Much better than her fancy new (cheater) life. I was way more attractive than OM. I was in shaped, dressed to kill, and couldn't care less about her. One day I was headed out, she asked where are you going, I said "out", she said can I come with you, I said "nope" and started to leave. She yelled "wait, please!!!" I turned around and watched as she had complete and total meltdown on our living room floor. Sobbing uncontrollably. All her cocky cheater strength and snarky attitude gone. All her WW thinking gone in a white hot second. Saying how she screwed up and loved me blah blah blah. You know what? All I could think was how pathetic and unattractive she looked (sound familiar?). From that moment on I was being pursued by her. Not the other way around. I pretty much dictated that I had a great new life going. Her betrayal had spurred me into action and I was going to be fine. I didn't need her at all. I did say we're still married and you can be part of my awesome life but there are rules and boundaries that we both live by. First, we love, honor, and cherish each other. Any break from that and I'm gone! No cheating, no flirting, no ANYTHING with anyone else but your spouse.
You do that my man and you put yourself in a no-lose situation. She either wants in on your great new life or you move on because I promise you'll be attractive and other women will want to be a part of your life. Women love strong, confident men. No cheating bastard OM can ever compare to an honest, strong, confident man so be that man. Good luck.
Its funny that you mentioned the aloof part because she seems to be acting that way towards me. No matter, Ive got a plan that I will follow I've already dropped 20lb and have started working out (Weight mainly from stress) so I'm going to go with it and try and keep it off and lose me Thanks for the input it's greatly appriciate happy to hear a story that turned out well
Back from weekend event. Overall went well, tempeture of things was luke warm compared to cold. I did my thing payed attention when she wanted me to held hands a couple time but only breifly. Noticed her spending tons of time on her phone txting or whatever bothered me alot but didn't say anything about it. Still trying to stay the course and not un do any progress thus far. First sbt appoint on thurs. She mentioned possibly camping next weekend I didn't really ask any other details so will have to see what goes this week will keep doing the 180 but cer Will be open to communication when she initiates.
Glad to hear that your weekend went well. I personally hate it when my W is texting most likely OM, while were out doing something together. Especially if were out as a family. But you did good maintaining your cool. And it seems that she is interested in doing more together. So it seems to be going in the right direction.
Ha! WAS's and their phones! My W slept with her phone in her hand! I'd wake up at 2am and see her checking her phone for messages. They get their enablers all lined up and text them day and night for affirmations. It's all part of it. The worst thing you can do is snoop. The best thing you can do is act like you don't care about it.
